Building Back Better From the Inside Out

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Building Back Better From the Inside Out

Acknowledging the Need to Be Better

January 19, 2022 • Pastor Arthur Jackson III

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“Building Better From The Inside Out”
Acknowledging The Need To Be Better
Psalms 51:1-3
“Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving-kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”

As we continue examining our theme for the year, “BUILDING BACK BETTER”, I want to suggest tonight that the best way to implement that particular strategy, is by building back from the inside out.

 The Primary Concern When Reconstructing Must Be Our Internal Not Our External.

 A Fractured Person Whose Focus is External, Is Like Putting A Band-Aid On A Bullet Wound.

To that end, over the next several weeks I want to share 10 WAYS TO HELP BUILD BETTER FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

1) ACKNOWLEDGE THE NEED TO BE BUILT BACK BETTER
2) FIND A NETWORK OF FAITHFUL SUPPORTERS
3) FIND PATHWAY FOR FORGIVENESS
4) CREATE AN AVENUE TO TRUST AGAIN
5) PRACTICE POSITIVE SELF TALK
6) CREATE A SYSTEM FOR MAINTAINING PROGRESS
7) PLACE LIMITATIONS ON SELF-PITY
8) LEARN THE LESSON AND PURPOSE NOT TO REPEAT IT
9) DISCERN WHAT YOU CAN’T LIVE WITH…DECIDE WHAT YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT
10) FOCUS ON LIVING

This evening I would like to focus on the first of these 10 steps, which is ACKNOWLEDGING THE NEED TO BE REBUILT BETTER.

• “Acknowledge” - acknowledgment is very powerful!

Yāḏa‘: A verb meaning to know.

 to learn  to perceive
 to discern  to experience
 to confess, to consider  to know people relationally
 to know how  to be skillful
 to be made known  to make oneself known
 to make to know

The simple meaning, “to know”, is its most common translation out of the eight hundred or more uses of the word “yāḏa” in the Bible. One of the primary uses of the word however, means to know INTIMATELY, RELATIONALLY, and EXPERIENTIALLY:

 Genesis 4:1 - The word yāḏa is used in an INTIMATE CONTEXT. - “Adam KNEW Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.”

 Genesis 29:4-6 - The word yāḏa is used in a RELATIONAL CONTEXT - “And Jacob said unto them, my brethren, whence be ye? And they said, of Haran are we. And he said unto them, KNOW ye Laban the son of Nahor? And they said, we KNOW him. And he said unto them, is he well? And they said, He is well: and, behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep.

 Exodus 1:7-8 - The word yāḏa is used in an EXPERIENTIAL CONTEXT - “And the children of Israel were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was filled with them. Now there arose up a new king over Egypt, which KNEW not Joseph”.

ONE OF ITS MOST IMPORTANT USES IS DEPICTING GOD’S KNOWLEDGE OF PEOPLE:
 GOD KNOWS THE SUFFERING OF HIS PEOPLE - Ex.3:7 –
And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows.

 GOD KNOWS THE ESSENCE OF HIS PEOPLE - 2 Samuel 7:18-20 (KJV)
Then went King David in, and sat before the LORD, and he said, Who am I, O Lord GOD? And what is my house that thou hast brought me hitherto? And this was yet a small thing in thy sight, O Lord GOD; but thou hast spoken also of thy servant's house for a great while to come. And is this the manner of man, O Lord GOD? And what can David say more unto thee? For thou, Lord GOD, knowest thy servant.

 GOD KNOWS THE THOUGHTS OF HIS PEOPLE - Psalm 139:1-4 (KJV)
O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my down sitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.

 GOD KNOWS THE ACTIVITY OF HIS PEOPLE - Hosea 5:1-3 (NIV)
"Hear this, you priests! Pay attention, you Israelites! Listen, O royal house! This judgment is against you: You have been a snare at Mizpah, a net spread out on Tabor. The rebels are deep in slaughter. I will discipline all of them. I know all about Ephraim; Israel is not hidden from me. Ephraim, you have now turned to prostitution; Israel is corrupt.

I wanted to begin with a thorough understanding of the word “acknowledgment”, because a part of the problem we experience as a relates to SELF HEALING/ BUILDING BACK BETTER, is that so many of us never acknowledge the injury. We never acknowledge the trauma. We never acknowledge the terrorism. We never acknowledge the disruption.

• THE FAILURE TO ACKNOWLEDGE IS LIKE BUILDING A HOUSE ON A FRACTURED FOUNDATION

 Acknowledgement is linked to “Identifying The Problem”.

Many times a person going through recovery would be asked, “What is your problem?” and the typical response might be, “Well I’m struggling with a drug addiction” or they’ll say, “my problem is alcohol abuse”. But in reality drugs and or alcohol are really not the problem! The drugs and alcohol are ways in which the individual is choosing to solve the problem!

The question is...

WHAT ARE THE INTERNAL CONDITIONS THAT’S CAUSING YOU TO DO WHAT YOU’RE DOING?

THE PROMBLEM IS…
 The breakup / divorce has left me scarred
 I’m wrestling with my sexual identity
 I’m battling against a spirit of heaviness/ depression
 I don’t have good financial management skills
 I’m constantly struggling with insecurities
 I’m struggling with abandonment issues
 I’m traumatized by an abusive situation
 I succumb easily to the pressure of my peers
 I judge myself by unrealistic expectations
 I’m often stagnated by the fear of failure
 I’m being haunted by the mistakes of my past
 I’m struggling with forgiving myself and others

In the 51st number of Psalm, David has a desire to be built back better. After he appeals to God based on God’s loving-kindness and tender mercies,
He then makes an “acknowledgement”.

 He says, “…For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”

What makes this acknowledgment of David so powerful is that he is keenly aware that it is his own conduct that has caused the complications in his life!
– V.V. 2, 3 - David uses the phrase “my sin”
– V.V. 1, 3 - David uses the phrase “my transgressions“
– V.4 - David said, “I sinned and done this evil in thy sight”

4 TRUISMS ABOUT ACKNOWLEDGMENT:

o Acknowledgment is NOT a sign of weakness
o Acknowledgment speaks of thorough assessment of self
o Acknowledgment speaks of a desire to move beyond where you are
o Acknowledgment is the first step to being build back better

Building Back Better From the Inside Out

April 6, 2022 • Pastor Arthur Jackson III

BUILDING BACK BETTER FROM THE INSIDE OUT “Place Limitations on Self-Pity” 2 Samuel 12:16-20 Life Is Tough.  Unexpected circumstances constantly arise.  Relationships end leaving us totally devastated.  We are ambushed by the unexpected.  Opportunities for advancement pass us by.  We fall prey to bad choices and poor decisions. There are a plethora of things that don’t go the way we want them to go in life, and when they don’t, it’s natural for us to feel sorry for ourselves and have “Pity-Parties”. Here’s the thing though: It’s OK to feel “down-and-out” for a short period of time as it relates to any one of the aforementioned instances and more. In fact, I believe that it’s important (even necessary) to feel, and even express the emotion of those circumstances instead of holding them in. However, problems arise when we get stuck in self-pity and it becomes our automatic default setting. It’s dangerous for self-pity to be the go-to reaction whenever life hits us hard.  “Self-Pity” - Excessive feelings of sympathy, sorrow and pity toward self in regard to one's own internal and external experiences of suffering. SELF-PITY IS NOT AN EMOTION IN ITSELF IT IS A STATE OF MIND. • WE HAVE TO GUARD OUR MIND Self-pity happens when we focus too much on our own problems and believe that we are the victims of our circumstances. This mental focus however, leads us to feel emotions like sadness, anxiety, depression and most importantly helplessness. Becoming stuck in this mindset means we run the risk of never learning from our mistakes in a positive way. It also stops us from feeling empowered, finding solutions and achieving what we want in the long term. It’s Easy To Fall Into The Trap Of Self-Pity Because Pity Feels Good Self-pity feels good because it validates your experience; it also takes the blame and responsibility off you. In the big picture, self-pity is the outlook of someone who sees himself or herself as the victim and the victim deserves attention, care and comforting. So in a twisted kind of way, self-pity is a very comforting way to look at life and at oneself. It feels safe and some people need time in that stage before they are ready to face the challenges of an unfair world, or taking responsibility for their failures. How Do We Break Out of Self Pity? Give Yourself Permission To Feel The Emotion  Suppressing pain, disappointment and sadness is unhealthy As humans we are meant to feel the whole gamut of emotions. Trying to always remain positive in the midst of a negative situation may mean constantly suppressing our real emotions. Doing that is not good for you nor for others, because those emotions are more than likely to manifest later.  GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO FEEL WHAT YOU ARE REALLY FEELING  EX. - DAVID’S RESPONSE TO GOD’S PUNISHMENT o READ - 2 SAMUEL 12:16-17 BECOME AWARE OF THE AFFECT SELF-PITY IS HAVING ON OTHERS There is a turning point between a healthy feeling of hurt and sadness and moving onto self-pity. And because it feels good to begin with (as I mentioned earlier) it’s easy to miss the turn around. Feeling sorry for yourself not only creates pain for you, but it also has an affect on others too. Although others initially respond to self-pity with empathic concern, the interpersonal effects of on going expressions of self-pity can be detrimental. Individuals that engage in pervasive self-pity may be more likely to be rejected by their peers and may commonly be perceived as complainers.  Think about it, how many people really want to be around a person who is always feeling down? o READ - 2 SAMUEL 12:18-19 REFUSE TO TAKE ON A VICTIM’S MENTALITY  “Victim’s mentality” - is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances. A person with a victim’s mentality typically feels personally victimized by anything that goes wrong, even when the problem, rude behavior or mishap wasn't directed at them. They may or may not show much interest in hearing possible solutions.  Fight To Pull Yourself Out Of It o READ - 2 SAMUEL 12:20 CHANGE THE HIDDEN QUESTION THAT KEEPS YOU STUCK As humans, we ask ourselves questions all the time. In fact, it is the basis of our internal communication. And the answers we receive are based on the quality of the questions. The question victims most often ask themselves is “Why?” “Why is this happening to me?” “Why did she do that?” “Why did he say that to me?” The problem is these are low quality questions. And because our unconscious mind immediately answers those questions, it will give low quality answers. For example: “Because you’re not good enough...” “Because she doesn’t like you” “Because he doesn’t value you.” Any question beginning with “Why” will keep you stuck in your current situation feeling like a victim! Therefore make a decision to banish the word “Why” from your vocabulary and replace it with words like “What”, “How” and “When”. For example: “What can I do to get a different outcome?” “When will I contact her and explain how I feel?” “How can I change the situation?” As you change the quality of your questions, you will notice how much more empowered you feel regardless of the actions of others.

Building Back Better From the Inside Out

March 30, 2022 • Pastor Arthur Jackson III

“Building Better From The Inside Out” Learn The Lesson, So, You Don’t Have to Repeat It! I grew up in an era where children were heavily influenced by the creative genius of Charles M. Schultz. For those of you who aren’t familiar with that name, Schultz was an American cartoonist who was best known for creating the comic strip, “PEANUTS”. His most famous characters are names that I’m sure you’ve heard of:  CHARLIE BROWN, SNOOPY, LINUS, PEPPERMINT PATTY, LUCY, SALLY, MARCIE, PIGPEN, SCHROEDER, AND FRANKLIN One of the most memorable episodes in Peanuts history was the annual SAGA OF THE SWIPE: which of course involved Lucy, Charlie Brown, and that infamous football. This epic drama repeated itself every September for over 50 years and became the paradigm for the uneasy tension between trust and betrayal, hope and despair. To a kid of course, it was the continuous acts of failure that stood out the most. No single act better encapsulated a child’s feeling of powerlessness than Charlie Brown’s failure to kick the football, and I personally felt his frustration and disappointment. No matter how many times Lucy reassured Charlie Brown that she would not swipe the ball away, and no matter how many times she went back on her word, Charlie still chose to engage in the same behavior and ultimately kept paying the same price, over and over again. Charlie Brown constantly found himself torn between the obligatory trust that one should have in a friend, and the foreseeable consequences of trusting Lucy. And unfortunately, it was that conflict which prevented Charlie from learning from the experience and thus repeating that negative pattern. HOWEVER, WE CANNOT BE TOO HARD ON CHARLIE BROWN  We’ve All Had Some “Lucy’s” In Our Lives  There are “professional swipers”. Sometimes, we feel like Charlie Brown—doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, however there is a way to break the cycle of repeated negative behaviors, and it starts by Learning the Lesson and Purposing Not to Repeat It. Certainly, it goes without saying we must go through life always looking forward, but we must understand our history (look back) to not repeat the mistakes of the past. I have seen too many instances where people continued to pursue wrong courses of action because they did not take the time to think critically about what has happened in the past. “THOSE WHO FAIL TO LEARN FROM HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT.’ – Sir Winston Churchill ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR MISTAKES WITHOUT FEARING THEM  A healthy recognition of failure helps you grow Trust me, it can be hard to admit failure, but if you run from it, you’ll lose out on the chance to learn from it. Admit the mistake to yourself or the person it affected, so you can re-examine how it happened and do better next time. If facing your errors makes you anxious or frightened, remind yourself of a few things: • Every single person has had lapses in judgment. [e.g., Will Smith/Oscars] • Most failures are temporary setbacks, rather than absolute disasters. • People who achieve great things often had great failures along the way. ACCEPT THAT MISTAKES PLAY AN INVALUABLE ROLE IN YOUR LIFE  Mistakes are both unavoidable and useful  “FAILURE IS NATURE’S CHISEL THAT CHIPS AWAY AT ALL THE EXCES, STRIPPING DOWN EGOS AS IT MOLDS AND SHAPES US THROUGH DIVINE INTENTIONS.” – ANONYMOUS IF we never made mistakes and always avoided failure, we’d be less capable of showing compassion, having empathy, displaying kindness, and achieving great heights. Failure is a stepping-stone. In fact, there are four very powerful life lessons that failure helps to tech and instill in us. 1) Experience – The first important lesson gained from making colossal mistakes is experience. When we go through something and can walk away with firsthand experience, it helps us to develop a deeper understanding for life. 2) Knowledge – Failure brings with it important firsthand knowledge. That knowledge can be harnessed in the future to overcome that very failure that inflicted so much pain in the first place. 3) Resilience – Failing in life helps to build resilience. The more we fail, the more resilient we become. To achieve great success, we must know resilience. 4) Growth – Failure births maturity. Life is designed for us to grow and improve. Like fertilizer on grass, the mistakes we’ve made in life helps us to grow. IDENTIFY BEHAVIORS THAT LEAD TO MISTAKES.  Examine your life for behavior patterns you'd like to work on If you're caught in a loop making the same mistakes over and over, it's probably because you have a “BLIND SPOT” in how you're viewing certain situations and behaving within it. Accidents happen daily because an unsuspecting car was in a driver’s blind spot.  I Cor.11:28 – “But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup.” • Try to face the hidden motivations behind your behavior. • Why are you acting the way you are? • Why are you saying the things you do? • Why are thinking the way you are? GIVE YOURSELF TOOLS TO AVOID REPEATING MISTAKES. I vividly remember after purchasing my first home my father told me I needed to have some tools! He assured me that despite the house being relatively new, that eventually things were going to go wrong, and I needed to have the proper tools to fix them.  We Need Tools to Avoid Making Mistakes You can't just shout at yourself to do better and expect it to magically happen. Approach your difficulties with a realistic mindset and take steps in advance to stop old patterns from playing out again. Learn Your Behavioral Triggers.  Find out what triggers your behavior and adapt to it Very Few People Go-Off for No Reason at All! What situations or events lead to the behaviors you're unhappy with? Your mistakes don't just appear out of nowhere. They can be encouraged by other people, stressful events, and even little things like missing a meal. Identifying these patterns is the first step toward changing your response to them or preventing them from coming up in the first place. FIND A PARTNER IN SELF-IMPROVEMENT.  Trade encouragement with an accountability partner Someone you can check in with for encouragement can help you stick to your goals once the initial motivation wears off.: • Find someone who is non-judgmental and can give positive reinforcement. • The more seriously you both take it, the more helpful it will be. Choose someone who is willing to commit to scheduled check-ins, and not back out on them. PICK YOURSELF UP AFTER SETBACKS. There are two types of people in this world, people who take failure personally, see it as a permanent situation and give up, and there are people who use it as a lesson, do not take it personally but see it as a temporary setback. Setbacks will happen; what matters is how you respond to them. Changing old habits, unpacking your own trauma, facing your relationship to failure: all of this is valuable work, but it can also be difficult and draining on a bad day. It is completely normal to feel confident and motivated at one moment, and then fall into pessimism and regret. When you do make a mistake again, there are ways to get back on track: • While you're still feeling the negative emotions, seek support from the right people in the right environment—people who won't judge you, and places that won't trigger more negative behaviors. • After you're feeling a bit better, look back at how the setback happened. Maybe something unexpectedly triggered strong emotions in you—work out why, and how you could avoid that next time. • Think about how your coping strategies failed. Is there a way to make them easier or more accessible? • Finally, think about how you handled the setback during the worst of it. Is there a healthier and faster way to get through the dark times?

Building Back Better From the Inside Out

March 16, 2022 • Pastor Arthur Jackson III

“Building Better From The Inside Out” CREATING A SYSTEM TO MAINTAIN PROGRESS Over the past several weeks through the aid of the Holy Spirit, I have endeavored to provide a list of things that could possibly be done for you to build back better from the inside out. I have suggested that we: • Acknowledge the need to be built back better • Find a network of faithful supporters • Find a pathway to forgive • Create an avenue to trust again • Practice positive self talk However, in doing the aforementioned things, it’s important to realize that once we have started making progress, we then need to create A SYSTEM for maintaining it. WHAT ARE SYSTEMS?  Systems are defined as a set of processes, tools, and strategies that all work together to solve a problem or achieve a goal. It’s the steps you take to achieve something. Often, we hear about systems and processes when it comes to businesses. After all, having solid systems in place allows a business to run like a well-oiled machine while making it more streamlined, productive, and profitable. When you eliminate the thinking part as to how to get something done and have a process for similar recurring things — efficiency increases. However, systems and processes are not just for businesses. You can create systems to simplify and streamline your life, too. GOALS VS. SYSTEMS For years conventional wisdom has taught us to achieve success we must be “goal oriented”. We have been taught to set specific and attainable goals.  Goals for making certain grades  Goals of getting into a certain college  Goals of graduating college  Goals of finding a job in our field  Goals of having a family  Goals of being able to retire However, I can attest that in most cases my results had very little to do with the goals I set, but nearly everything to do with the systems I followed. • Every coach enters the season with the same GOAL—to win a championship. The winning coach has a great SYSTEM - good development and recruitment of players, good management of assistant coaches, and productive practices. • Every entrepreneur has a GOAL of building a million-dollar business. The SYSTEM is how you test product ideas, hire employees, and run marketing campaigns. • Every principal has a GOAL of leading an A-School. The SYSTEM however is the hiring of motivated student-leaders, the development of parental involvement, and the creation of a positive learning environment  I Maintain Systems Are More Important Than Goals 1. Winners and losers share goals in common 2. A goal is only a momentary change 3. Goals are at odds with long-term progress 4. Goals restrict happiness The question tonight then becomes, Are goals completely useless? Should we abandon our goals? Of course not! Goals are good for setting a DIRECTION, but systems are best for making PROGRESS! 4 STEPS TO CREATING SYSTEMS FOR YOUR LIFE STEP 1: VISUALIZE TO CREATE SYSTEMS FOR YOUR LIFE, BEGIN BY REFLECTING. Start by thinking about the goals that are most important to you right now. Then, self-audit your day and pinpoint the daily interruptions and distractions you face. Where are you wasting your time and energy? What parts of your day hold you back from achieving your goals? From there, you can begin to decide how you want your days to play out. STEP 2: CATEGORIZE Businesses have a range of systems for all sorts of aspects: marketing, accounting, human resources, and more. The next step is to do the same and create categories for the various aspects of your life. Of course, yours will look much different from a business. Examples include family, work obligations, spiritual growth, and personal development or self-care. STEP 3: SYSTEMIZE Now, for everybody’s favorite part: creating the actual systems. This requires us to think back to the current goals we’re prioritizing in the various categories of our life, and essentially determine the specific activities we’re aiming to systemize and create our own foolproof method for completing them. STEP 4: CUSTOMIZE Our lives move in ebbs and flows. With our goals, priorities, and daily circumstances constantly changing, so will our systems. Never be afraid to adjust your systems! Making tweaks is necessary to continue growing. If something’s no longer working, adjust to it, and create a new one.