BUILDING BACK BETTER FROM THE INSIDE OUT
“Place Limitations on Self-Pity”
2 Samuel 12:16-20

Life Is Tough.
 Unexpected circumstances constantly arise.
 Relationships end leaving us totally devastated.
 We are ambushed by the unexpected.
 Opportunities for advancement pass us by.
 We fall prey to bad choices and poor decisions.

There are a plethora of things that don’t go the way we want them to go in life, and when they don’t, it’s natural for us to feel sorry for ourselves and have “Pity-Parties”.

Here’s the thing though:

It’s OK to feel “down-and-out” for a short period of time as it relates to any one of the aforementioned instances and more. In fact, I believe that it’s important (even necessary) to feel, and even express the emotion of those circumstances instead of holding them in. However, problems arise when we get stuck in self-pity and it becomes our automatic default setting. It’s dangerous for self-pity to be the go-to reaction whenever life hits us hard.

 “Self-Pity” - Excessive feelings of sympathy, sorrow and pity toward self in regard to one's own internal and external experiences of suffering.


SELF-PITY IS NOT AN EMOTION IN ITSELF IT IS A STATE OF MIND.

• WE HAVE TO GUARD OUR MIND

Self-pity happens when we focus too much on our own problems and believe that we are the victims of our circumstances. This mental focus however, leads us to feel emotions like sadness, anxiety, depression and most importantly helplessness. Becoming stuck in this mindset means we run the risk of never learning from our mistakes in a positive way. It also stops us from feeling empowered, finding solutions and achieving what we want in the long term.

It’s Easy To Fall Into The Trap Of Self-Pity Because Pity Feels Good

Self-pity feels good because it validates your experience; it also takes the blame and responsibility off you. In the big picture, self-pity is the outlook of someone who sees himself or herself as the victim and the victim deserves attention, care and comforting. So in a twisted kind of way, self-pity is a very comforting way to look at life and at oneself. It feels safe and some people need time in that stage before they are ready to face the challenges of an unfair world, or taking responsibility for their failures.

How Do We Break Out of Self Pity?

Give Yourself Permission To Feel The Emotion

 Suppressing pain, disappointment and sadness is unhealthy

As humans we are meant to feel the whole gamut of emotions. Trying to always remain positive in the midst of a negative situation may mean constantly suppressing our real emotions. Doing that is not good for you nor for others, because those emotions are more than likely to manifest later.

 GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO FEEL WHAT YOU ARE REALLY FEELING

 EX. - DAVID’S RESPONSE TO GOD’S PUNISHMENT

o READ - 2 SAMUEL 12:16-17

BECOME AWARE OF THE AFFECT SELF-PITY IS HAVING ON OTHERS

There is a turning point between a healthy feeling of hurt and sadness and moving onto self-pity. And because it feels good to begin with (as I mentioned earlier) it’s easy to miss the turn around.

Feeling sorry for yourself not only creates pain for you, but it also has an affect on others too. Although others initially respond to self-pity with empathic concern, the interpersonal effects of on going expressions of self-pity can be detrimental. Individuals that engage in pervasive self-pity may be more likely to be rejected by their peers and may commonly be perceived as complainers.

 Think about it, how many people really want to be around a person who is always feeling down?

o READ - 2 SAMUEL 12:18-19

REFUSE TO TAKE ON A VICTIM’S MENTALITY

 “Victim’s mentality” - is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances.

A person with a victim’s mentality typically feels personally victimized by anything that goes wrong, even when the problem, rude behavior or mishap wasn't directed at them. They may or may not show much interest in hearing possible solutions.

 Fight To Pull Yourself Out Of It

o READ - 2 SAMUEL 12:20


CHANGE THE HIDDEN QUESTION THAT KEEPS YOU STUCK

As humans, we ask ourselves questions all the time. In fact, it is the basis of our internal communication. And the answers we receive are based on the quality of the questions.

The question victims most often ask themselves is “Why?”

“Why is this happening to me?”
“Why did she do that?”
“Why did he say that to me?”

The problem is these are low quality questions. And because our unconscious mind immediately answers those questions, it will give low quality answers. For example:

“Because you’re not good enough...”
“Because she doesn’t like you”
“Because he doesn’t value you.”
Any question beginning with “Why” will keep you stuck in your current situation feeling like a victim! Therefore make a decision to banish the word “Why” from your vocabulary and replace it with words like “What”, “How” and “When”.

For example:

“What can I do to get a different outcome?”
“When will I contact her and explain how I feel?”
“How can I change the situation?”

As you change the quality of your questions, you will notice how much more empowered you feel regardless of the actions of others.