Sacred Things

Bright Hopes for the Future

Kathy Irwin met Steve Gallagher at a friend’s house when she was 18. He was instantly interested in her, but she wasn’t so sure. However, after spending a thrilling weekend together in Santa Cruz, she moved in with him. Soon after this, Kathy began to be very disturbed about the way she was living. Having not been raised in church, she had no idea why she was so tormented with thoughts of hell and imminent death. God’s conviction was coming upon her heart, and He was drawing her into a relationship with Himself. A few months later, Kathy gave herself unreservedly to Jesus and was radically converted. Her life was instantly transformed and she began sharing Jesus with everyone she could, including her boyfriend, Steve. At the beginning of the following year, she married Steve and was looking forward to a wonderful marriage. But storm clouds were on the horizon, and she was about to enter into one of the darkest periods she could have ever imagined.

Painful Reality: A Cheating Husband

Like so many young women, Kathy Irwin entered into marriage with bright hopes for her future. But after exchanging vows with Steve Gallagher, things began to go downhill quickly. Her new husband was not the man she thought he was. Life with Steve was very difficult. He was angry, demanding and never satisfied—and she was beside herself trying to understand why she could never please him. After months of pain, confusion and questions, she found out one afternoon why things were so difficult in their marriage. Steve was addicted to pornography and was cheating on her with other women. In an instant, all of her dreams about happily-ever-after were crushed, and she awoke to the horrible reality of being married to a cheating husband.

God Restored My Marriage

Kathy Gallagher’s marriage was in shambles. Her husband Steve was addicted to pornography and was cheating on her with other women. Heartbroken, she desperately tried to get Steve to love her again. But things only grew worse. Eventually, she had enough and left Steve for another man. But God was pursuing her, and through a series of incredible circumstances, He made it very clear to her that if she wanted to follow Him, it meant returning to Steve and fighting for her marriage. Over the next couple of years, Kathy learned from Jesus what it meant to selflessly love a man who had been addicted to pornography.

Eternal Fruit from My Broken Marriage

Kathy’s marriage had been filled with pain and grief because of Steve’s addiction to pornography and infidelity. But God showed her that if she wanted to follow Him, it meant staying faithful to Steve and fighting for her marriage. During a powerful encounter with God, Steve realized the utter sinfulness of his pornography and adultery. He began to fight with all his strength against the power of the addiction, and after intensely battling for a couple of years, Steve found freedom from sexual addiction. The couple soon began to throw themselves into helping other men and women find freedom from pornography and the pain of betrayal. In this video, Kathy reflects on the past 35 years of her marriage and testifies of all God’s goodness to her. Not only did He reveal Himself to her, He restored her marriage and used all of the pain and suffering to bring about a harvest of good in the lives of many, many others.

Should I Forgive My Husband?

"Should I forgive my cheating husband?" Many hurting wives ask this question because they have already endured years of broken promises and resolutions, only to find out that they have been lied to once again. Some ask this question because they have been blindsided by a revelation of betrayal. Others ask this because they cannot imagine enduring the flood of emotions and pain that threatens to drown them at any moment. Not only this, but for so many women, forgiveness seems unrealistic and even unfair. To forgive a cheating husband seems as if the wife is just letting him off the hook or giving him a license to continue being unfaithful. Kathy Gallagher faced these questions in her own married life when her husband was unfaithful to her. But she found out what true forgiveness is, and she has been able to guide many devastated women into the wonderful freedom that comes through forgiveness. In this video, Kathy looks at what true forgiveness is, and what it is not.

Should I Forgive My Husband?

"Should I forgive my cheating husband?" This is a very common question in today's age. Some wives are asking this because years of broken promises have caused them to become weary. Some ask this because they just found out that their husband has been unfaithful. And for others, they cannot imagine enduring for one more the day the crushing weight of the pain. Sometimes forgiveness seems unrealistic--even unjust. The wife feels like she is just giving him a license to continue being unfaithful. When Kathy Gallagher found out that her husband had been unfaithful to her, she had a decision to make. She could make him pay for it, or she could forgive. But she yielded to God's heart of forgiveness, and since then, she has been able to guide many devastated women into the wonderful freedom that comes through forgiveness. In this video, Kathy looks at what true forgiveness is, and what it is not.

Can My Husband Change?

When a husband is in the grip of sexual addiction, the wife is often desperately searching for any sign that he is truly going to change. Soon it becomes apparent that tears of remorse, pleas for mercy and many promises to change do not guarantee that the husband is serious about changing. Kathy’s husband was addicted to pornography and illicit sexual encounters for years, but there was a moment in time where Steve truly began to change, and there were indicators in the following months that the change was genuine. In this video, Kathy talks about how a wife can know if her husband is truly changing.

Can My Husband Change?

Husbands who get caught in sexual sin often weep buckets of tears and promise that they will never do it again. Wives want to believe that this is a good sign, but many of them are later devastated when they find out that nothing has changed. Kathy Gallagher was devastated by her husband’s addiction to pornography and adulterous relationships, but eventually Steve was sick of his life and he really began to change! In this video, Kathy reflects on the things she saw in Steve’s life that made her sure he was changing.

Is My Husband's Addiction My Fault?

There is nothing more excruciating to a wife than to realize that her husband is addicted to pornography, or even worse—to sex with other people. And it is almost inevitable that she will believe that if she had been better somehow that this would never have happened. At some point she will ask herself, “What is wrong with me?” When Kathy found out that her husband was addicted to other women, she asked herself the same question. It wasn’t until years later that she realized Steve’s addiction had nothing to do with her. In this video, Kathy Gallagher helps a hurting wife to understand just how powerful sex addiction is and helps her avoid the pitfalls that come from believing that her husband’s addiction is her fault.

Why Won't He Just Stop?

“If he really wanted to stop looking at porn, he would!” This kind of thinking seems very reasonable to a wife who has been hurt by many broken promises. Kathy Gallagher thought this same thing once. Although Steve had a powerful experience of repentance and was fighting with all of his strength to gain freedom from sexual sin, it took him a long time to really get the victory. At first Kathy thought this meant that he wasn’t serious about changing, but she began to realize how powerful Steve’s addiction was, and that human willpower was not enough to break the spiritual chains of pornography addiction.

Why Won't He Just Stop?

It seems reasonable to believe that if a person really wants to change, they will change. In 1986, Steve Gallagher had a powerful experience of repentance and began fighting with all of his strength to find freedom from sexual sin. But it took him a long time, and there were repeated failures. At first, his wife Kathy thought this meant that he wasn’t actually serious about finding victory. But soon she began to realize that Steve was fighting a very powerful addiction, and that human willpower was not sufficient to break the spiritual chains of pornography addiction.

How Do I Deal with the Suffering of Betrayal?

Sin has created a world full of devastation and heartbreak. Many wives often find themselves in terribly painful situations because their husbands have been given over to sexual sin. When a man is stuck in sexual sin, he is unable to see clearly the devastation he is causing because his mind is completely overtaken with sin. For godly women ready to fight for their marriages, they may often be persuaded, by the influence of secular culture, to protect themselves at all costs, sometimes justifying their actions by saying that men cannot change. Sadly, our culture often promotes within the church self-love and self-preservation, which are contrary to the Lord’s teachings of self-denial and putting others first. When Kathy Gallagher discovered her new husband’s sexual addiction, she soon gave up on him, filed for divorce, and found a new partner. She wanted nothing to do with, and so she did her best to forget about him. But the Lord had different plans and so in obedience to Him she went back to Steve and began a journey she is still on today.

How Do I Deal with the Suffering of Betrayal?

How do you surrender to the Lordship of Christ knowing the path will include suffering? The most natural inclination for many is to desire a happy life and a happy marriage, not realizing that these things may at times be contrary to God’s plans. God’s desires and plans for us are good, but how can that be when so often there is suffering among his people. This puts us at an eternal crossroads and we must ask ourselves, “is this really God, or is this just the result of evil in the world?” We must decide whether God is telling the truth when he says that his plans for us are good; either God is a liar, or he is unable to keep His promise of working all things together for good. Kathy and Steve Gallagher’s ministry has helped thousands of men and woman struggle against the influence of the world, the enemy and their own sinful inclinations. This struggle is a process laden with suffering but God is in this process, and His goal is sanctification and, ultimately, eternal life.

How Do I Deal with these Emotions?

When caught up in the storm of revealed sexual sin, a hurting wife has tremendous difficulty facing the onslaught of emotions as they rush upon her. Oftentimes, her feelings send her into emergency mode as she attempts to save her marriage at any cost. Kathy herself lived through this struggle as a young bride when she first married Steve Gallagher. When his sin came out, she was overcome with fear, doubt and anger. However, as time went on, the Lord taught her to put her trust in Him and His Word, which provides hope that does not disappoint. She has since counseled hundreds of wives, helping them to deal with their husband's sin in a godly and biblical way. In this video, she encourages wives to stand their ground amidst the unrelenting surge of these powerful emotions.

What's My Role in Helping My Husband?

When a husband is battling his way out of sexual sin and is showing real signs of change and repentance, what can a wife do to help him to find complete victory? Kathy Gallagher has devoted her life to helping wives navigate the difficult journey of having a husband in sexual sin. In part 1 of “How Can I Help My Husband?” Kathy looks at some of the internal difficulties a wife will face when she decides to take an active role in helping her husband. Many wives want to help their husbands by keeping them accountable, but the things they hear from their husbands are often so painful that many women run the risk of becoming controlled by their fear and pain. Kathy shares about this period in her own marriage with Steve, and how she had to resist the temptation to become manipulative and controlling, which would only have hindered their relationship and made Steve’s journey even more difficult.

Pure Life Ministries

Hope for Struggling Marriages

Bright Hopes for the Future

Painful Reality: A Cheating Husband

God Restored My Marriage

Eternal Fruit from My Broken Marriage

Should I Forgive My Husband?

Should I Forgive My Husband?

Can My Husband Change?

Can My Husband Change?

Is My Husband's Addiction My Fault?

Why Won't He Just Stop?

Why Won't He Just Stop?

How Do I Deal with the Suffering of Betrayal?

How Do I Deal with the Suffering of Betrayal?

How Do I Deal with these Emotions?

What's My Role in Helping My Husband?