Fresh Start // the 500 Pound Gorilla in the Room-Conflict

Faith Arvada

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Fresh Start // the 500 Pound Gorilla in the Room-Conflict

April 21, 2024 • Matthew 5:23–24, Genesis 3:10, James 1:19, Proverbs 12:18, 1 Peter 3:7

Dealing with the 500-Pound Gorilla in the Room - Conflict

Romans 12:17-18 (NIV)

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

The effects of unresolved conflict in our relationships.

1. It can minimize our joy.

2. It can hinder our communication with God.

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)

“…husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

3. It can hinder your sensitivity and worship to God.

Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV)

“…if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

Dealing with relational conflict.

1. Do something to help bring reconciliation.

Matthew 12:34 (ESV)

“…For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

Genesis 3:10 (NIV)

“…I heard you in the garden; and I was afraid because I was naked, and so I hid.”

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

2. Be honest about what you have done wrong.

Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV)

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

1 Peter 5:5 (ESV)

“…Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”

3. Listen and consider what they are saying.

James 1:19 (NIV)

“…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”

Philippians 2:4 (NLT)

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

4. Be intentional with the words you use.

Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

5. Pursue reconciliation, not agreement.

Matthew 5:9 (NIV)

“Blessed are the peacemakers…”

Fresh Start // Who is Leading You in Your Relationships?

May 12, 2024 • John 17:20–21, Philippians 2:5–8, John 10:10, John 3:16–17, Psalm 133

Fresh Start – Who is Leading You in Your Relationships? James 1:23-25 (NIV) “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what the have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.” Galatians 5:13-26 (NIV) “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Consequences of the acts of the flesh 1. Strife James 3:16 (KJV) “where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” 2. Influence decreases 2 Timothy 2:14 (NIV) “Keep reminding God's people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.” 3. You misrepresent Christ to our world Matthew 5:13 (NIV) “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.” 4. You harden other's hearts against truth Romans 2:4 (NIV) “…God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” 5. Your heart becomes resistant to correction Proverbs 5:12-14 (NIV) “You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! I would not obey my teachers or turn my ear to my instructors. And I was soon in serious trouble…” 6. It poisons relationships Proverbs 29:23 (NKJV) “A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.” Benefits of the fruit of the Spirit. 1. Unity Psalm 133:1,3 (NKJV) “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity!” “…For there the Lord commanded the blessing— Life forevermore.” 2. Our influence grows Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV) “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” 3. We represent Christ well to our world John 17:20-21 (NIV) “…I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” 4. It opens people's hearts to receive God’s truth John 3:16-17 (NIV) “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” 5. We are open to receiving correction and instruction Proverbs 9:9 (NIV) “Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.” 6. It cultivates relationships Philippians 2:5-8 (NIV) “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” 7. It will allow us to live life to the fullest John 10:10 (NIV) “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Fresh Start // Growing in Gratitude Towards Each Other

May 5, 2024 • Philippians 1:3, 1 Corinthians 13:7, 1 Peter 4:8, Philippians 1:8, John 13:34

Fresh Start – Growing in Gratitude Towards Each Other Philippians 1:1-11 (NIV) “Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, To all God’s holy people in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” Growing in Gratitude 1. Intentionally look for things to be grateful for in your relationships. Philippians 1:3 (NIV) “I thank my God every time I remember you.” 2. Pray for the other person. Philippians 1:4 (NIV) “In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy…” Philippians 1:9-11 (NIV) “And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and that you may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ and you may be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.” 3. Choose to believe the best about them. Philippians 1:6 (NIV) “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV) “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV) “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 4. Rehearse Christ’s affection towards you. Philippians 1:8 (NIV) “God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.” John 13:34 (ESV) “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” 1 John 3:16 (NLT) “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.”

Fresh Start // How Offense Makes Us Fools

April 28, 2024 • Ecclesiastes 7:9, Proverbs 17:9, Proverbs 18:17, Philippians 2:5–8, Ephesians 4:29–32

Fresh Start – How Offense Makes Us Fools What is offense? Offense = An annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one's standards or principles. Hebrew: peša = Transgression or sin “You know you are a true servant when it doesn’t upset you to be treated like one.” - Unknown How Offense Makes Us Fools 1. Offense makes me angry. Ecclesiastes 7:9 (ESV) “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges (makes its home there) in the bosom of fools.” 2. Offense distracts me from the relationship. Proverbs 17:9 (ESV) “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” 3. Offense hardens my heart. Proverbs 18:19 (ESV) “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.” 4. Offense distorts my view of reality. Proverbs 18:17 (ESV) “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” Proverbs 19:11 (ESV) “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Four Strategies to Overlook an Offense 1. Give up your Rights. Philippians 2:5-8 (ESV) “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” 2. Choose to Love. Proverbs 10:12 (ESV) “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” (Hatred = loving myself more than others) Colossians 3:12-15 (ESV) “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” 3. Choose to Forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV) “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Ephesians 4:29-32 (ESV) “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” 4. Ask a Question. Proverbs 18:17 (ESV) “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” Matthew 7:3-4 (ESV) “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye?”