Monday Marriage Message
Monday Marriage Message with Pastor Ken Brown Jr.
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage - God Shaped Husband and a God Shaped Wife.
February 12, 2024 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Genesis 2:22–24, 2 Corinthians 10:12, Psalm 19:7–11, 1 Corinthians 11:3
Hi, this is Pastor Ken, thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where together we search God’s instructions to experience highly successful marriages. Last time I concluded our series on the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. Today I want to begin looking at the prescriptions for both a God Shaped Husband and a God Shaped Wife. In our most recent series the focus was on the order of authority within a marriage as laid out in God’s word. As a part of that study of 1 Corinthians 11:3, I did speak briefly to the actions of a godly husband and wife, as they pertained specifically to maintaining the God-ordained marital order and structure. Now I would like to delve deeper into the scriptural prescriptions for a God Shaped Husband and a God Shaped Wife. One might ask why I keep using these terms for a husband and wife, and that is a reasonable question. First and foremost, I do so because as I have said many times before, the primary purpose of marriage as stated by God Himself is to reflect His character. Genesis 1:26 tells us that God chose to create mankind in His image and His likeness. Verse 27 tells us that in so doing He created both a man and a woman. In the very next chapter in Genesis 2:22-24 we learn that God created that first man and woman in a one flesh or married condition. Furthermore, He said that going forward He would join future men and women in marriage to recreate what He had accomplished with Adam and Eve. Following that understanding, it becomes abundantly clear that a marriage is intended to reflect God, therefore the participants of that marriage, the husband and wife need to be…God Shaped ones. Second it is important to understand that if we were not called to live up to a standard as a husband or a wife, then each would need to determine for themselves how to do that best. A third grader can see the value and logic in having a standard for such an important undertaking, yet most married people can’t see that the bulk of their marital difficulties arise from trying to define for themselves if they are a ‘good’ husband or wife. Most people are not overtly evil, and the vast majority of us believe ourselves to be ‘good’ people. Therefore, most of us act as a husband or wife in good faith, thinking we are doing the best we can given our circumstances. Interestingly enough, I have noticed as a marriage counselor that most husbands and wives I encounter in my office do not believe that their spouse is doing the best they could. Why do we find ourselves in marriages where we believe we are doing the best we can, but our spouse isn’t putting in the same effort? Why do our spouses agree completely with that assessment except that they think the tables are turned in the other direction? The answer is simple. We have attempted to dispose of the standard. We each are defining for ourselves what a husband should look like and how he should act. We rely completely on our own understanding to decide if a woman is being a good wife or not. These determinations are made based on a myriad of information. Our families of origin and the marriages we each watched growing up…that by the way were having many of the same difficulties we are struggling with. We also draw on our life experience and our own set of core beliefs to help us know how to interact as spouses. Among the most dangerous sources of information of how our spouse should be treating us is the alter-universe of comparison. Movies, books, songs, checkout line magazines…and don’t even get me started on social media…all of it designed by the enemy of marriage to cause us to think our spouse is mistreating us, and they are probably never going to live up to being what we and they know they should be. Scripture identified the problem we run into when we each want to develop our own standard. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 10:12 They use themselves to measure themselves, and they judge themselves by what they themselves are. This shows that they know nothing. Without a standard everything becomes acceptable…except when it no longer is. When that happens we want to find and dust off the one true standard, but because we have not been following its prescriptions ourselves it often gets misapplied. I couldn’t count the number of times I have had someone sit in my office and ask me to endorse their view (often a one-sided one) of what scripture says their spouse is doing wrong. The standard is crucial for success. As I said a few moments a go, most third graders can identify its importance. But, who gets to set the standard? The obvious answer is that God does. But, why? God isn’t even married after all. God is the author of the institution. He is the Creator of marriage and therefore is reasonably the only One capable or worthy to set the standard. Marriage is primarily intended to reflect Him, who better to enlighten us about how He acts, and therefore how we must act when imitating Him. There is simply no one better. Psalm 19:7-11 say this of God’s instructions to us… The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, And in keeping them there is great reward. Finally, it is important to be a God-shaped Husband or a God Shaped Wife because it reminds us who we are responding to. In a marriage where we decide what is best and how we should act as a husband or a wife, we do so in response to one of two people. Us or them. What I mean by that is that If I choose to act toward my wife in a particular way because it is what I saw growing up and so I think it is the normal thing to do, I am responding to myself. This can have good or bad repercussions. When I was growing up, my view of a husband was being the one who had the final say. My father isn’t a chauvinistic pig…far from it, but in the final analysis what he said in our home was simply going to be the way it went. My childhood view of that helped me develop some core beliefs about marriage that are not altogether correct. When I was younger and a little less endowed with white hair I may or may not have encountered some marital difficulty as a result of that particular core belief. In those moments I was responding to myself, and my firm belief that I was acting within the bounds of my understanding of what a good husband was supposed to be. More often yet, our actions are explained as re-actions. We say that we have acted in a particular manner because of the way our spouse acted toward us. After all, every action has an equal and opposite reaction…at least that’s what I learned in 3rd grade science. In all seriousness we often use the actions of another to excuse our own. “I know I shouldn’t get that way, but they are so selfish sometimes”! “I wouldn’t normally have said that, but you just made me so angry”. “I don’t like it when I can’t communicate with you peacefully, why do you have to be so argumentative all the time”? in each of these cases, and the hundreds of others that cause people to visit my office, those spouses are responding to one another. Sometimes most of their interactions have become a response to the other. As a young man I knew such a couple. The first thing they said to one another in the morning was in reaction to what one of them had said the day before. Their interactions were simply a perpetual response to one another and precious little of it was positive. When we determine what a good wife or husband should be and ours doesn’t live up to our standard, what choice do we have but to respond to them in a way that shows our displeasure with them? All of that changes when we let God set the standard. When we decide we are going to be a God shaped Husband or a God shaped Wife, we will be interacting with our spouse but we will be doing so in response to God. If I am going to be a God Shaped Husband, then I have to look to God to know how to do that. When I consult Him through His written word and prayer, any positive action I take is one of obedience to Him. In those moments I am interacting with my wife but I am responding to the One who instructed me how to go about the interaction. Neither my wife or I wrote the bible, we did not invent marriage, so when we do what God says, it is in response to Him. A far better result occurs when I respond to God rather than myself or my wife. In his book, Love and Respect, Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs says it this way “My response is my responsibility”. I like that. It is an empowering statement. I get to choose…will I respond to myself, and my idea of what a good husband would do? Or will I respond to my wife, will I act in reaction to whatever she has done to me? Will my responses to her simply be determined by the way she acts toward me? Or will I respond to God? Will I interact with my wife in the way He has instructed me to? The real question is…will I allow Him to be Lord, and take my correct position as His servant, and do exactly what He wants me to do? Another understanding “My response is my responsibility” reveals is that I have to pay attention to what I am doing, not what someone else has done. I call this concept. “Eyes on your own paper”. I remember hearing a teacher or two admonish classrooms I was part of to keep our own eyes on our own papers. In other words, pay attention to what YOU are doing. Every time I have tried to inspect my wife’s actions to see how she could improve at being a wife…I fail to be a good husband. I have never maintained my ability to be a God Shaped Husband while telling her how she is currently failing at being a God Shaped Wife. Reflecting God is a full time endeavor and requires every bit of concentration we have. If I don’t keep my eyes firmly fixed on my own paper, I will fail bitterly in my attempts to be a God Shaped Husband. Finally, “My response is my responsibility” keeps me mindful that no matter what is happening in my marriage, I have the ability and in fact the responsibility to make it 50% better. What I mean by that is this. No marriage is perfect, yours would be…but you and your spouse are in it. Mine would be…but my wife and I are in ours. We are all profoundly fallen people living in a profoundly fallen world and so we have a propensity to do profoundly fallen things. Every marriage is a struggle at times for one reason or another. Some experience deeper struggles, some experience longer lasting problems. Some of the struggles come from outside sources, some on further inspection we seemingly invite into the mix. Regardless of what the difficulties are, how big, long lasting, or how they got there, every spouse can choose to be a God shaped one. What about those situations where just one of you seems to know or even care that God has instructions for how your marriage is supposed to operate? If that is you…then be a God Shaped Husband, or a God Shaped Wife and through your obedience it will likely become at least 50% better. “My response is my responsibility” Join me again next time as we begin to dive into God’s word and find the prescriptions for a God shaped Husband and a God Shaped Wife. So now, accepting that your response is your responsibility, and that in your marriage you need to respond to God…Go be awesome.
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage Vol. 8
February 5, 2024 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • 1 Corinthians 11:3
Hi, this is Pastor Ken, thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where together we search God’s instructions to experience highly successful marriages. Today we will continue with our look at the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. This will be our eighth and final installment in this series looking at the differing roles of the Husband and the wife in the greatest of all human relationships. Each of the episodes in this series have been based on 1 Corinthians 11:3. There the Apostle Paul wrote the following. But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. I used the first few editions in the series to consider the role of a husband, and the fact that according to our focal scripture he is directly responsible to Christ for his interactions with his wife. In the last few episodes we began focusing specifically on the important position of the wife within the marriage. In those we delved into topic of submission and what it really means for a wife to submit to her husband while understanding her value is equal to his in every way. Today we are going to look at the final phrase of this scripture verse and what it has to say about the Order and structure of a God Shaped Marriage. As I mentioned in past editions of this series, we have been working our way through 1 Corinthians 11:3 phrase-by-phrase keeping with the very structure and order with which it was written. I have also made the point that this verse not only sets the God given structure of authority in the marriage of a husband and wife, but also the Godhead that marriage is intended to reflect. This is valuable on many levels but the one I want to concentrate on today is that the marriage of Adam & Eve, and every marriage since has been only a reflection of the greater Godhead that created all of them. In light of that, Paul writes that there is a common thread to the order of authority that runs all the way through the hierarchy. According to this scripture, this God ordained order for our marriages is actually part of the reflection. Allow me to read our focal passage once more, But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Let’s take a few minutes to look closely at this final phrase so that we can highlight what our marriages are supposed to be reflecting. “…The head of Christ is God.” According to this passage, within the Godhead there is also an order of authority. God the Father is in authority, and Jesus Christ the Son, who is the Father’s equal, willingly submits to the Father. The bible tells us that Jesus is God. The Apostle John began his gospel with that very truth. In John 1:1-4 John wrote of Jesus, In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The bible also points to the fact that Jesus is equal to the God the Father. Philippians 2:5-6 says 5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God. This means that Jesus is God and that He understands that he has the exact same value as the Father. God the Father is not superior to the Son and the Son is not inferior to the Father. They are both perfectly holy and are therefore equal in their superiority over all things. Our focal scripture from 1 Corinthians 11:3 tells us that the head of Christ is God, or in other words, God the Father is in authority over Jesus the Son. We can see that further explained if we continue to read on in the passage from Philippians we were just looking at. Beginning again in Philippians 2:5 and this time continuing on to verse 8 we read, 5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,…7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Verse 7 tells us that Jesus who is completely and totally equal to the Father chose to give up his standing of equality with the Father. It is highly important that we understand this did not make him unequal to the Father. The Son is still equal in value with the Father, He does however, voluntarily submit to the Father and recognize the Father as being in authority over Him. This verse goes on to indicate that Jesus was even taking on a servant role. This means that Jesus, The Fathers equal was choosing to interact with the Father in a servant / master type relationship. Verse 8 goes on to illustrate just how far Jesus was willing to submit to the Father in that relationship. It tells us that Jesus humbled Himself and was obedient (to the Father) all the way to being willing to die. Jesus knew this was not going to be a quick or painless death. It was death on a cross, which just for clarification was not only slow and painful but also considered by all a degrading way to die. The Romans used the public shame of crucifixion as an extreme deterrent keeping their subjects from revolting. Jewish people felt it was so degrading that it was not fitting that a dog should die in this manner. Yet Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God, equal to God the Father in every way, submitted to the will of the Father…even to the extent of being willing to die…on a cross. In Matthew 26:39-42 (NLT) we can read of the difficult time of prayer Jesus had the night before his crucifixion. There it says, 39 He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” 40 Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? 41 Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” 42 Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done.” This passage illustrates the level of commitment Jesus had for remaining in submission to the Father. I appreciate that it exists. By allowing us to see into this very private time of prayer between Jesus and His Father we get to see that although perfect in every way, even in His submission to the authority structure of the Godhead, Jesus was not without the emotional struggle we also sometimes experience when submitting to authority. Though we can see that the struggle was very real for Jesus, as it often can be for us, we also see His resolve to submit, that the plans of the Godhead might succeed, and He did not falter, and He is our example. Let’s continue now reading in Philippians and see what the result of Christ’s submission to the Father was. Philippians 2:9-11 say 9 Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. So, in the Godhead (which our marriages are to reflect), the response to the willing submission of an equal is that the One in authority exalts the One in submission. In response to the willing submission of the Son, God the Father has highly exalted Jesus and given Him the Name that is above all other names. In other words, God the Father has responded to God the Son’s submission by speaking about the Son in ways that He speaks of no one else. God holds the Son in highest esteem and regard because the Son was willing to submit. Therefore, husbands understand this, your wife’s submission to you is deserving of your highest regard. She should have a name on your lips that is higher than any other name. There should be no one that you speak of with a level of regard anywhere close to the esteem you hold her in. Our focal scripture for this series tells us about the marital mirror that God looks into desiring to see Himself. It tells us that when He looks at our marriages He sees a man and a woman both equal in value and joined as one by Himself. It suggests that marital mirror will consist of a husband who operates in loving authority as God the Father does. It also expects it will include an equally valuable wife who willingly submits to the husband’s authority in much the same way as Jesus, submits to the authority of the Father. By concluding our focal verse, the way that he did, the Apostle Paul, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit did a marvelous thing. If He would have spoken only of the order and structure of authority within the marriage, husbands alone would have been able to look to Jesus as their example because the head of every man (or husband) is Christ. However, by including Christ’s position within the order and structure of authority within the Godhead, the wife also has the opportunity to look to Jesus for her example. The husband can look to Jesus as his example of how to be one in authority because Christ is in authority over every husband. The wife can look to Jesus to see how to be in submission because Christ places Himself in submission to the Father. Because Paul included not only the order and structure of a marriage but also the framework of the Godhead, Jesus becomes available to both a husband and a wife as an example how each should fulfill their roles within the marriage. Paul shows us by the incredible work of the Holy Spirit just how to have a God Shaped Marriage. As I said earlier, this episode will conclude our look at The Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. In the weeks ahead I hope to expound on scriptural prescriptions for a God-Shaped husband and a God-Shaped wife. So now, purposefully and willingly stepping into your specific; God-ordained, Christ-exemplified, and Spirit-empowered role in your God shaped marriage…Go Be Awesome!
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage Vol. 7
January 8, 2024 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Ephesians 5:21–24, 1 Corinthians 11:3
Hi, this is Pastor Ken, thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where together we search God’s instructions to experience highly successful marriages. Today we will continue with our look at the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. This will be our seventh edition in this series looking at the differing roles of the Husband and the wife in the greatest of all human relationships. Each of the episodes in this series have been based on 1 Corinthians 11:3. There the Apostle Paul wrote the following. But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. I used the first few installments in the series to consider the role of a husband, and the fact that according to our focal scripture he is directly responsible to Christ for his interactions with his wife. Last time we began focusing specifically on the important position of the wife within the Structure and Order of a God Shaped Marriage. In that episode we delved into the much misunderstood topic of submission. Knowing that the concept of submission inside marriage is a bit of a touchy subject I considered carefully how I would approach it. As a pastoral counselor, I understand that teaching some of the precepts in God’s word can at times be problematic. This is not because there is some problem with what God’s word has to say, God’s word is infallible. It can be difficult based on our level of willingness to accept what it says as right and true. Sometimes that gives us trouble. Unfortunately, as human beings, when we don’t like, or personally agree with something we tend to close our minds to it by simply ignoring the subject all together. So, when there is a topic like submission that must be practiced to enjoy marital success, the challenge is to convey the truth without people metaphorically sticking their fingers in their ears and shouting “I can’t hear you…I can’t hear you!” With this in mind, I had to consider carefully how to best speak on the much misaligned concept of submission. Psalm 19 tells us that all of God’s precepts are perfect, that all of His ways lead to successful living. It tells us that if we will take scriptural guidance seriously it will bring blessing to our lives. Nowhere is that more true than in the marital relationship. If we want the blessing of an amazing marriage, we must follow the prescription written by the author of marriage. Who would know more about the correct operation of successful marriages than the creator of the institution? Furthermore, as I have documented many times before, the primary purpose of marriage is to reflect who and what God is. Certainly there should be no arguing that God is most capable of giving us proper instruction as to how to best reflect Him. If we are willing to forsake what we think about it in the natural, submission is actually a very interesting idea. It presumes the essential truth that the person offering their submission is equal in value to the person in leadership or authority. Slavery is accomplished when one who is bigger, stronger or of some greater ability forces the involuntary subservience of another. Slaves have no choice in the matter, they are forced to serve the one in authority. Submission is not slavery. When one submits, they choose to do so. Submission is an act of the will. I must volunteer to place myself under the submission of another, because I am an equal with any human authority I choose to submit to. This is also true of a wife’s submission to her husband, I pointed out last time how God used specific words when referring to Eve that clearly indicated her equal value to Adam. Every wife who chooses to obey God’s perfect precepts for marriage and willingly submits to her husband, who holds no greater value than she does, is also positioning her marriage to receive blessing. While we are on the subject of submission there are few things I think necessary to note. First and foremost, regardless of whether we are speaking of the husband or the wife, ultimately how we interact with one another is in response to God. The scriptural prescriptions for a successful marriage have been given to us by God Himself. So far in this series I have looked to Ephesians chapter 5 for specific instructions to a husband and a wife as to how they can each align themselves with the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage as laid out in 1 Corinthians 11:3. There we read that a husband must lay down his life (his goals, needs, and desires) for his wife (putting her goals, needs and desires above his own). Last time, we looked at how a wife is instructed to place herself in submission under the authority of her husband in all things. These are instructions from God’s word. These are not demands made by a spouse. Our adherence or lack thereof is in direct relationship to the level of submission we place ourselves in under God. It is truly essential to our marital success that we fully grasp this understanding. As a husband, when I love my wife the way that scripture instructs me to, in other words when I meet her needs (physical, emotional and spiritual) simply because the need exists. I am doing so because I am submitting to my God who instructed me through His written word to act in that way. When I lay down my life (make my needs less important to me than my wife’s needs are) I am lowering myself in comparison to her that she might be elevated. Why do I do that? I do that because God’s word says I should, therefore those actions are in submission to God. If I choose instead to be selfish and put myself first, then I am being dismissive of God and His specific instructions to me as a husband. If I submit to God, then my marriage has greater ability to reflect Him, experience success, and be blessed. When my wife Lynn submits herself to me in all things as she is instructed to do, in actually she is submitting herself to God. Not because I am her god, I am not…I can totally admit that I would make a terrible god. Ultimately, she is submitting to God because it is God who instructed a wife to submit to her husband in all things. Her submission to me then actually says far more about her relationship with God than it does her relationship with me. We are each solely responsible before God for our response to Him. Therefore, our obedience or disobedience to God is a reflection of the condition of our individual relationship with Him…nothing else. Consequently, we cannot use the unwillingness of our spouse to follow the commands given them by God to justify our non-compliance to the commands given to us. I cannot say with any validity whatsoever, that I don’t have to obey God, if my wife isn’t obeying God, and even though the wife is under the authority of the husband, she has no basis to make such a claim either. As Dr. Emmerson Eggeriches likes to say concerning this…“My response is my responsibility” I couldn’t agree with him more. Having made that point, let me move to the next one. Ephesians 5:21 takes the position I just outlined a step further. It says Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Only when we understand that submission to our spouse is in fact, submission to God, and that our spouse’s choice to submit or not to submit to Him is to have no effect on ours, are we are able to rightly understand submission to one another. Here in this scripture, Paul points out that submission to God means submission to one another. While a wife’s submission to her husband is her responsibility before God, (Ephesians 5:22) there should also be mutual submission taking place at all times (Ephesians 5:21). Romans 12:10 tells us to Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. In other words, our love for one another should spur us to submit to the needs and desires of each other. In my humble opinion there is no other place in scripture that illustrates submitting to one another within the marital relationship quite like 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 – Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. The context of these two verses is undoubtedly speaking of sexual intimacy within the marriage. In that context these verses are self-explanatory (though admittedly slightly confounding) . However, when a scriptural principle illustrates truth at a certain level, that truth remains relevant at lesser levels as well. Like any of God’s instructions we don’t like and want to dispel or ignore so we won’t be obliged to submit to them, we can try to argue that this scripture is an example of circular reasoning and therefore renders itself invalid. We would be in error to do so, and arguing something doesn’t make it so. In fact, I know it flies in the face of conventional wisdom and contemporary thinking, but I would argue that this scripture governs any action involving a married person’s physical body. My wife and I believe this scripture regulates a concept we have dubbed “Marital Veto Power”. We agreed when we married that we each had veto power concerning the other. This is based on scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 7:4, Romans 12:10 and Ephesians 5:21, all discussed above. We believe we have the right (and dare I say responsibility) to tell the embodiment of the other half of our one flesh that we are not in agreement with a certain activity, and the other must comply. Allow me to illustrate. I love riding motorcycles. Prior to marrying me, my wife had never ridden one, but I had been riding them with my dad since the age of 5. He taught me to drive one myself at 12 years of age and I have been enjoying them ever since. On hot days I love being on the motorcycle and prefer the wind in my face to the air conditioning a car offers. When it is really hot the only thing that feels better than the wind in your face is the wind blowing through your hair too, so on those days, I like riding without a helmet. When we married, my bride told me she didn’t mind at all if I rode motorcycles, she just wanted me to wear a helmet when I rode. There are all kinds of valid studies that show that riders who don’t wear helmets statistically crash less and experience less head trauma when they do have accidents compared to those who wear a helmet. My wife did not find this information compelling at all. After some discussion it was agreed that if I was within town limits and the speed limit is 25MPH or less I am free to go helmetless, however, if the speed limit is above 25 MPH, I must wear my helmet. Because she feels that way, I wear my helmet each time that is the case. I often wear it even if I am downtown. I do not have authority over my own body, my wife does, and because I love her I prefer her and submit to her wishes. Let me say that Marital Veto Power should be used very sparingly otherwise it will simply be viewed as one spouse being a ‘control freak’ or ‘power hungry’ neither of which is a good look. Submission isn’t a dirty word; it isn’t setting ourselves up to be a doormat. Submission is a voluntary act of the will that requires strength and understanding. It is not something that renders us weak or foolish but rather, strong and wise. Submission to each other is actually submission to God who instructs us to interact with one another in that way. Remember, how we interact with our spouse is in direct correlation to how we respond to God. So now, responding to God as you should so that you can successfully enjoy a God shaped Marriage…Go be Awesome!
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage Vol. 6
January 8, 2024 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Ephesians 5:21–24, 1 Corinthians 11:3
Hi, this is Pastor Ken, thanks for joining me yet again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions together to learn how to experience a highly successful marriage. Today we will continue with our look at the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. This will be our sixth edition in this series and we are beginning to shift our focus to the wife’s important role in the greatest of all human relationships. Having been led to 1 Corinthians 11:3 as the focal passage for this series, and considering that the series is dedicated to structure and order, I have directly followed the very structure and order of the passage. Meaning, I have chosen to expose the truths contained here phrase-by-phrase just as they were written. In the Amplified Bible that verse reads as follows: But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. In the past episodes of this series we have covered the concept of Christ being the head (or the One in direct authority over) every man (or every husband in this context). Last time I introduced the next layer mentioned in this verse covering the structure and order of marriage and the Godhead it is designed to reflect. This portion of the passage identifies that “The head of a woman is her husband”. Though this means that the husband is the one in direct authority over the wife, I was careful to make sure that there was no misunderstanding that Paul was somehow saying that a woman had to go through her relationship with her husband in order to have a relationship with Christ. I shared several other scriptures that clearly dispel that erroneous notion. I also took the time to show that from the very words God used to describe and define Eve as a wife, there can be no doubt that men and women are equally valuable to the marriage. Both are equally necessary to their successful ability as a married couple to fully reflect God. In the past I have highlighted many of the ways that scripture points out the unique ability a woman to reflect God in ways men are not capable of doing nearly as well, if at all. When joined as one they become a marital mirror intended to reflect their maker. I want to move forward now by restating something from last time. Some of the scriptures we will be looking at have for a very long time been the cause for dissention. I think much of the difficulty with them has come from misunderstanding and misinterpretation. I believe that those difficulties diminish if husbands don’t look at these scriptures as an opportunity to dominate, and wives don’t read them believing that God is saying they are not as valuable as their husband is. Selfishness is what makes husbands want to dominate, and causes wives to want to resist authority. That is why I believe our focal scripture to be so vital to this discussion. It does not simply say that there is a structure and order of authority within a marriage, it continues and illustrates that same structure and authority exists in the Godhead as well. Why is all of that important? Because if wives are to correctly understand their equal value with their husband in the marriage, and gladly adhere to its scripturally defined framework, they need to be able to see that just as Christ is supposed to be their husband’s example of how to love them, Christ is also their example as to how to be a godly helpmate. Before we begin digesting scriptures that contain that easy-to-misunderstand word submission allow me to reiterate some important facts. · Submission to authority does not equate to inferiority. · Scripture clearly illustrates that even within the triune Godhead authority and submission to authority are necessary components of success. · Jesus Christ, the Son of God voluntarily offered His submission to the will of the father so that Their united purpose could be accomplished. · Though Jesus’ submission to God the Father was voluntary it was not optional if success was to be the result. · Jesus’ submission to the order and structure of the Godhead was crucial to the completion of the united will of the Godhead. · If marriage is to reflect the framework of the Godhead as designed, the prescribed marital structure and order of authority must also be adhered to. · Finally, a wife’s submission to her husband is voluntary on her part. She is in complete control of her decision to submit or not to submit. However, it is not optional to the success of a God shaped marriage. With those truths in mind, let’s look at scripture and see what it says about a wife’s incredibly important role in the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. There are several passages that define the valuable place a wife holds within the marriage and how she best fulfills that role. Ephesians 5 is probably the most well-known and I think the most comprehensive so we will begin there. Today I am going to read Ephesians 5:21-24 from the Expanded Version because although it makes for wordy sentences, it offers a broader view of what the original text actually means in our English language. There these verses read as follows: [Husbands and wives] Yield [Submit; Be subject;…yielding/submitting; grammatically linked to the previous sentence, and so part of being filled with the Spirit] to each other out of reverence [respect; fear; awe] for Christ. Wives, yield to [submit to; be subject to;] your husbands, as you do to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. And He is the Savior of the body, which is the church. As the church yields [submits; is subject] to Christ, so you wives should yield [submit; be subject] to your husbands in everything. Several important notations about these verses must be recognized if we are to have a clear understanding of what this scripture is saying. In verse 21 there are several points we need to see. As husbands and wives our personal relationship with God should have a defined consequence in our marital relationship. Submission is to be a natural result of walking with the Lord. Certainly there can be no confusion about the fact that if Christ is Lord and we are but the servants in that relationship then we are to submit to His authority. Here Paul writes that out of a deep reverence or great respect for Christ as Lord, we need to also be ready to submit to one another. Furthermore, because this verse is the completion of the thought preceding it, we should also make the connection that this mutual submission between a husband and wife is a result of being filled with the Holy Spirit. So, according to Ephesians 5:21 if Jesus is Lord of one’s life and that person is indwelled by the Holy Spirit, if they are also married, the natural outpouring of their relationship with God will be submission to their spouse. The following verses lay out specifically what that mutual submission should look like for each spouse. In past episodes we saw how a husband is commanded to illustrate his submission to his wife and today we will look at what that submission looks like for a wife within the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. Verses 22-24 speak directly to what a wife’s role is in that high calling. Wives, yield to [submit to; be subject to;] your husbands, as you do to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. And He is the Savior of the body, which is the church. 24 As the church yields [submits; is subject] to Christ, so you wives should yield [submit; be subject] to your husbands in everything. According to this scripture (and others we will reference later) a wife’s submission to her husband should look much like her submission to the Lord does. Paul is clear that just as the church submits to Christ (its head, or leader in authority over it) a wife should also submit to her husband. Paul states that the church submits to Christ in all things, and likewise a wife should submit to her husband in all things. I have often heard the argument offered to this God-given instruction. Many have said to me that of course the church submits to Christ, Christ is God and is perfect. Christ would never lead His bride the church, in a way that is not absolutely the best for her. He would never lead in a way that might turn out badly. The defense these women site for not always (in other words in all things) following this command to them is that their husband is not perfect and is capable in leading in erroneous ways. Because of this they decide that their submission to their husband needs to be at their discretion. If they think that the direction of their husband is correct, then they have no problem with submission to it. If, however, they deem his leadership to be incorrect or not good for them or the family, they believe their submission to him should be optional. The problem with that is found in these very verses. If they are not being submissive to their husband (in all things) as commanded by God’s word then they have just become dismissive of their Lord, which puts them in the position of wrongdoing. When it comes to offering our submission to the authority of an imperfect person, we need to experience a paradigm shift. Submission to authority isn’t about being right it is about doing right. Two episodes ago in this very podcast we looked at the way a husband submits to his wife. According to Ephesians 5:25-29 a husband is to lay down his own wants, desires and needs and first meet his wife’s wants desires and needs. He is to do this because they are one, and when he puts her first, he is putting himself first so to speak. Ladies, you are not perfect either, if your husband does not agree with your actions and attitudes is he freed from the requirement to love you as Christ loves the church? Is his love for you to be offered at his sole discretion? I think not. If he were to choose when to genuinely love you and when to put his own needs above yours, he would also be dismissive of the command of his Lord upon his life. As one of several Pastors on staff at our church I have a Senior Pastor in authority over me. He is a good and godly man and I am fortunate to know that I can trust that he seeks God’s leading as he leads us. He is in fact a good and upstanding man…but he is not perfect. There have been times when I have disagreed with him in terms of what he thought should be the next step for us as a church. In those times I have sought him out privately to share with him my thoughts and to ask him to reconsider or give me further explanation if possible for his decision. There have been a few (a very few) times where I was still not convinced that his decisions were the best possible. In those it has been vital that I understand submission. I have to know that while my submission to him as the one in authority over me is voluntary (only I can choose to submit) it is not optional. It is not about being right; it is about doing right. God’s word tells me to submit to those in authority over me. When I submit I am doing what I have been commanded to do, I am doing the right thing. Will the action or activity I am submitting to always turn out to be the right decision, will it always work out best? No, but when it doesn’t, if I have been submissive and done my part to make every effort toward its success, then it will be the leader, not I who will be scrutinized. If I balk and do not submit and the idea fails, I will not be viewed as the one who diverted us from disaster, I will likely be pointed out as the one who was not supportive and therefore possibly the cause of the failure. Submission is not about being right it is about doing right. Next time we will look more closely still at submission and what it means to success both in a marriage and within the Godhead that marriage is designed to reflect. So now, understanding that submission in your marriage is a two-way street but that God says it is the one way to success, submit to Him by submitting to one another…and go be awesome!
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage Vol. 5
Pastor Ken Brown Jr • 1 Corinthians 11:3
Hi, this is Pastor Ken welcome back to another edition of the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage. We will continue today with our look at the scripturally given order and structure of a God shaped marriage. Since the beginning of this series, I have directed your attention to the God-given order and structure of a God Shaped Marriage found in 1 Corinthians 11:3. Once again, that passage in the Amplified Bible reads as follows: But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God. As the focus of this series is order and structure, I felt it doubly important to follow the very order and structure of this focal scripture. Therefore, I dedicated the past several episodes to men as husbands, following the lead of Christ. We looked carefully at several different scriptures and noted just how husbands can interact with their wives, just as Christ our overseer, interacts with His bride the church. We will now shift our focus to the second portion of this passage “The head of a woman is her husband”. Before we push further into the exposition of this verse allow me to clarify a point that I feel important to address. My concern is that there could be an unfortunate misunderstanding when considering this verse void of its context. One could take this verse to be indicating that a wife’s relationship with Christ must go through her husband. This is simply not true at all. Scripture is clear that a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is possible for anyone who believes in Him (John 3:16). Others speak directly to believing wives who have unbelieving husbands, which should negate any argument that a woman (wife) cannot have a direct relationship with Christ. (1 Corinthians 7:10-16). Furthermore, Paul wrote in Galatians 3:28 that in Christ there is actually no distinction between men and woman, meaning that both are capable of joining with Him. With that concern addressed let’s move forward. Just as I did concerning husbands’ interactions with their wives, we will now look at what the bible has to say about how a wife should interact with her husband. A wife’s position in a God Shaped Marriage is one of incredible importance. Eve’s God given title was that of a helpmeet. This is not a word commonly used in contemporary vernacular but the meaning has not been in any way diminished with its use. The idea of a helpmeet comes from the original Hebrew words [ezer] pronounced [ay'-zer], and [Neged] pronounced [neh'-ghed]. As I explained in the first edition of this series, these words used together, according to Strong’s Exhaustive Bible Concordance, mean an absolute counterpart to a perfect set. Eve was created the absolute counterpart to Adam. She was so in every way having been literally created from Adam’s own flesh. God then proclaimed His desire to recreate that same result in others going forward. He decided that a man would leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two of them would quite miraculously become “One flesh”. Marriage is God’s process of recreating the one flesh experience of Adam and Eve in every man and woman that enters into this sacred relationship. Ladies, if you believe that it is God who joins a man and a woman in marriage, then you must also accept that when you marry, you become your husband’s helpmeet, his absolute counterpart. Scripture describes God’s hand in the marriage process. Proverbs 19:14 in the Amplified Version says; Houses and riches are the inheritance from fathers, but a wise, understanding, and prudent wife is from the Lord. Men, it is high time we begin to understand that though God may not have put each of us to sleep, removed a rib and created for us a wife of our own flesh, she has been given to, and joined with us, by Him. What is the greater miracle, to create a perfect counterpart from our own flesh, or make us one flesh with someone in marriage and in so doing offer to us our absolute counterpart? In the New Living Translation Proverbs 31:10-12 say this… 10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. 11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. The idea of this passage isn’t that such a wife doesn’t exist or can’t be found, but rather that it would be beyond difficult for us to do so without God’s direction. There are two schools of thought concerning this. Some believe as I do that God loves us so much and cares so deeply for His institution of marriage that it matters to Him who we marry. Others believe that it is completely up to us who we marry and God restrains his work in our lives within the bounds of our absolute free will. Regardless of your belief about the level of involvement God exercises in who we marry, the following is still true. Jesus said that when a wedding takes place, God joins that man and woman and creates of them a “One flesh” condition identified as marriage. A man and a woman, as husband and wife, are the only ones who can experience that unique human relationship. God is integrally involved in every marriage, and so His Son Jesus concluded, “What God has joined let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6 & Mark 10:9) So, how does a woman interact with her husband as his absolute counterpart in a God Shaped Marriage? Remembering that the point of a God Shaped Marriage is to reflect Creator God let us begin by revisiting our focal scripture. But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3) In this verse, when we look at the Godhead that marriage is supposed to reflect, we see that the Head of Christ is God the Father. Jesus is one of the three persons of the triune Godhead. The Trinity as we refer to it, is beyond our human ability to completely define but there are some truths we are able to extract from our limited understanding of it. · The Trinity consists of Father Son, and Holy Spirit · They each have differing functions but perfectly united purpose · God the Father is God, but is not and does not act as Jesus the Son or the Holy Spirit · Jesus the Son is God, but is not and does not act as the Father or the Holy Spirit · The Holy Spirit is God, but is not and does not act as the Father or Jesus the Son · Each One is completely God, and united, they are the one true God Why is the notation of all of that important? Because ladies, if you are to correctly understand your equal value to your husband in the marriage and gladly adhere to the scripturally defined order and structure of your marriage, you will need to be able to see that just as Christ is your husbands example of how to love you, He is also your example of how to be a godly helpmeet. The Apostle Paul made the point in our focal scripture that the head of Christ is God the Father, but it is also important to look at what Jesus said Himself about that concept? In John 10:30 it is recorded for us that Jesus said of His relationship with God the Father, “I and the Father are One. Here Jesus is making an incredible statement, He is self-identifying as being equivalent with God. This was so outrageous to those who heard it that they were ready to stone Him for blasphemy! In John 5:30 however, Jesus said “I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me”. Are these statements contradictory? Not at all. In the one in John 10:30 Jesus is identifying that He and The Father are both equally valuable persons in the Trinity, just as a wife and husband are equally valuable persons in a God Shaped Marriage. In the second example from John 5:30, Jesus is illustrating that He and the Father work together toward their united purpose and the necessary structure and order to the Godhead that makes that work successful is identified by Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:3. Jesus also made further statements that showed His voluntary submission to God the Father as a decisive act of cooperation bringing about the fruition of their united goals. In John 12:49 Jesus said, For I have never spoken on My own initiative or authority, but the Father Himself who sent Me has given Me a commandment regarding what to say and what to speak. (Amplified Bible) In John 14:31 Jesus told His disciples, “But so that the world may know [without any doubt] that I love the Father, I do exactly as the Father has commanded Me [and act in full agreement with Him]” (Amplified Bible) In John 15:10-11 Jesus made this interesting statement. 10 “If you keep My commandments and obey My teaching, you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and remain in His love. 11 I have told you these things so that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy may be made full and complete and overflowing”. This statement identified Jesus position as one in authority over us, as well as one submitting to the authority of the Father to serve our need. He said that His joy and ours is fullest when God ordained order and structure of relationship are followed. Ultimately, Christ’s submission to God the Father was summed up in His exclamation while under extreme duress in the garden of Gethsemane the night before His crucifixion, “Father if there is any other way…but not my will, but your will be done”! In the next installment, we will delve deeper into the much-misunderstood concept of submission. However, I felt it critical before we did so to take time to lay the groundwork for the following statements. · Submission does not equate to inferiority · Scripture illustrates for us that even in the structure and order of the Triune Godhead authority and submission to authority are necessary components for success. · Christ (God the Son) voluntarily offered His submission to the will of the Father so their united purpose could be accomplished. · Though Jesus’ submission to God the Father was voluntary it was not optional. · Jesus Submission to the order and structure of the Godhead was necessary to the completion of the united will of the Godhead. · If marriage is to reflect the framework of the Godhead as designed, the prescribed marital structure and order must also be adhered to. · A wife’s submission to her husband is voluntary…however; it is not optional to success of a God Shaped Marriage. So now, with willing hearts as both husbands and wives to act in the ways that Jesus does to the betterment of your God Shaped Marriage…go be awesome!
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage Vol. 4
December 4, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Ephesians 5:25–27, Ephesians 5:30–32, Matthew 25:31–46
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage. We continue today with our look at the scripturally given order and structure of a God shaped marriage. Thus far in this series we have discovered that there is in fact a God-ordained order and structure to a God Shaped Marriage. We have identified where that order is outlined for us in scripture (1 Corinthians 11:3) and have acknowledged that order is reflective of the framework of authority found in the triune Godhead. In the last episode we began to look at how a God Shaped Husband interacts with His wife. There we focused on Ephesians 5:25 and the command given there for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. We recognized it must be a selfless love, one where the husband puts the needs, cares, and desires of his wife above his own. Just as Christ did for his bride when He left the glory of Heaven to come to earth to fix her sin problem. We also saw that a Christ-like husband will understand the differences between himself and his wife, seeing them not as flaws requiring change but rather as things of beauty to be cherished. With this understanding, a righteous husband will be gentle with his wife, especially when she responds in different ways than he might. Today we will continue with our look at Ephesians chapter 5 and how it illuminates the actions and attitudes of a Christ-like husband. Allow me to read from that passage again beginning with verse 25. Ephesians 5:25-27 says; 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. Last time we looked at what it meant for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. We carefully considered what the scripture meant when it says Christ’s love for the church was exemplified by His giving of Himself for her. I talked about the fact that this did not only elude to the fact that Christ died for His bride, though it was His ultimate sacrifice, and He offered it willingly for her good. In addition, we discussed some of the various ways we as husbands are given opportunities every day to lay down our lives for our wife. There the connection and application of the command were clearly defined. However, let me be abundantly clear here. The second part of this passage does not indicate that because Christ is in process of making His bride perfect for Himself, as men we can take license to direct our wives how they could be made perfect in our eyes. Remember, Christ is superior to His bride. He is perfect in every way, and we (His bride) are not. Therefore, in order for Him to become one with us, our perfection becomes a necessity. With that in mind there is a need for Him to sanctify and cleanse us so that He can present us to Himself the perfect match, just as He presented Eve to Adam, the perfect match. We on the other hand husbands, are not superior to our wives. Their imperfections do not render them incompatible to be joined with us because we too, are imperfect. Therefore, there is no need for us to interact with our wife in this same way. If that is the case, why mention it here following the command to love our wife as Christ loved the church? Excellent question…I am so glad it has an excellent answer. When we take a closer look at the totality of the three verses I just read, we can see an interesting truth. In the past Christ loved the church by offering remedy for her sin problem that she was unable to fix by dying in her place. He offered His life as a substitutionary sacrifice and satisfied the high cost of her sin. The bible tells us that the wages of sin is death. In effect then, Jesus ransomed us by dying in our place, and so as that verse concludes, the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 6:23). In the present, He is sanctifying His bride and cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. This simply means that right now, Christ is through His word making us perfect for Himself, a perfect match in every way. It is through our obedience to His word that we become cleaned. Jesus told Peter at the last supper, “You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.” (John 15:3) In the future, this same passage tells us that He will present us to Himself…perfect…without blemish, spot or wrinkle or any such thing. He promises us that in the future He will take us to live with Him forever in His Father’s house. There, as His bride, we will have access to everything He has access to, just as a wife ought to have joint ownership of all that is her husbands’. From this passage we can conclude that Christ loves the church by taking complete care of her, past, present and future. There is no time when His focus is not on what she needs and what He is trying to bless her with. In this moment, Christ is trying to position us, His bride, to be able to take hold of all of the immeasurable blessing He has for us. In that way husbands, we can love our wives as Christ loves the church. We can love her all of the time and we can give our full attention and effort to the goal of making sure she is positioned to receive every available blessing. This passage then continues with that very idea. Verses 28 & 29 say, 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. The point being made here is that as Christ-like husbands, we give our wives the place of high regard that we give to our own bodies. This means two things. First, we meet our needs…and second, we avoid harming ourselves. We eat when we are hungry, because our body asks us to. We clothe ourselves when we arise from a warm bed, because our body asks us to. We seek medical attention when we are sick, because our body asks us to. We rest when we are tired, because our body asks us to. I could go on and on listing all of the ways we meet the needs of our body because our body calls out to us, pointing out its need, and we respond accordingly. We do not respond in anger, frustration or intolerance. We simply respond because there is a need. These verses make the point that when our wife voices a need…we should simply respond by meeting the need. Remember from our discussion last time that we don’t necessarily have to see her need as a need we also have. We are to interact with her by meeting her needs with the understanding that her needs may be different than ours, but that makes her or her needs no less valuable than ours are. So, as this verse points out, we meet our own needs, we should then also meet the needs our wife has in order that we might love her as Christ loves the church. The second way I noted that we take care of our own bodies is that we do our best to avoid personal injury. The list I mentioned a moment ago highlighted how we meet the needs of our own body, but now I want to take a look at how we cherish it. Because we cherish this physical body God has given us, we try to keep it safe from harm. Some of that is done consciously as we take measures to make sure we don’t get hurt. For example, when we undertake a particularly risky activity such as cutting down a tree with a chainsaw, the wiser of us use specialized personal protection equipment to avoid injury. Other protective measures are purely instinctive, but still invoked because we cherish our body and we don’t want to get hurt. This would be illustrated by our instinct to run if we sense the tree we are trying to cut down begins to fall in our direction. In either case we do these things consciously and unconsciously because we cherish our body. In this scripture we are admonished that if we are willing to do these things for our bodies, meet our needs and protect ourselves, we must also be equally willing to do them for our wife because we are joined with her in a one flesh condition. As this scripture points out, He who loves his wife…loves himself, and Christ our example is busy doing these very same things for His bride, the church. The next 3 verses are of great interest and offer an incredibly close-up view of how our marriages are intended to be reflective of God in a unique way. Many times I have used a mirror as an analogy for marriage. I conclude that analogy by saying that our marriages are intended to be a marital mirror that God desires to look into and see Himself. In the next few verses that analogy is taken to a new level. An infinity mirror is one that is actually made of two mirrors connected to one another and positioned such that what is reflected in one is reflected by the other and so on and so on…seemingly forever. These next verses illustrate how the marital mirror is actually intended to be an infinity mirror. Ephesians 5:30-32 reads as follows: 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. This scripture applies to both the husband and the wife. However, as we are currently engaged in a discussion of how men can be God shaped or Christ-like husbands, we will continue with that intimation and return to this passage later in the series as our focus shifts to that of a godly wife. Here men, we are reminded that as Christ followers, we are members of Christ’s body. We are His chosen bride. However, we do not enjoy that distinction alone as men. The Apostle Paul pointed out that we are equal heirs in the grace of God. In other words, our wives are also members of the church if they are Christ followers. Therefore, they are also members of His body. If we take more than a moment to consider this, then a new and profound truth is realized. If my wife is a believer, then she is one with Christ. Because they are one, how I interact with her is in actuality how I am interacting with Christ! Men we all know that if someone is unkind to our bride, we take it personally. Christ is no different. If I act negatively toward my wife, Christ says that He considers it the same as if I have acted negatively toward Him. I don’t know about you other gentlemen, but that isn’t something I want to occur. If someone is kind to our wife and offers help that is needed, we are grateful to that person, as if it were us they helped or were kind to. Jesus said He sees it the same way when we are kind to our wife. If our wife has placed her faith in Jesus Christ, the way that we interact with her is the way we are interacting with Christ himself according to this passage. For more on just how personally Christ takes our actions toward our spouse, I would encourage you to read Matthew 25:31-46, though I won’t be covering them here. The passage in Ephesians 5 ends with its instructions to Christ-like husbands with the beginning of verse 33 – Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself. The command here is simple and selfless, but never easy. Men, love your wife like you love yourself. Meet her needs… not the ones you think she should have; the ones she tells you she has. Avoid her being harmed. She reacts differently than you do, consider that and be understanding. Avoid allowing her to be injured even if such action would have no ill-effect on you. Love her like Christ loves the church…like Christ loves you. So now, learning be a Christ-like husband like it matters…because it matters…Go Be Awesome!
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage Vol. 3
November 27, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Revelation 22:13, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, 1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:25
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage. We continue today with our look at the scripturally given order and structure of a God shaped marriage. As I was considering the content for this series on The Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage, several ways of approaching the subject came to mind. As always, first and foremost, I want to remain consistent with the scriptures. The word of God is the definitive authority we have access to that offers us the direction we need to obtain a God Shaped Marriage. God determined the primary purpose of marriage to be reflecting Him, therefore any successful marriage will be a God shaped one. Order and structure in a marriage is as vital to making that marriage reflect God and His righteousness, as our skeleton is in helping us to stand upright. If marriage was initiated by God, and is therefore His creation, and if He created it specifically to reflect who and what He is, then His word is the only infallible source we have for how to meet that goal. Within His word are many instructions designed to help us have God Shaped Marriages. Since that God given structure and order are necessary to marital success, I began this series with the one scripture I am aware of that most succinctly lays out the structure of both marriage and the Godhead it is intended to reflect. 1 Corinthians 11:3, But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. I cannot think of a better way to move forward with the explanation of this foundational scripture than to follow it just as it is laid out. Paul begins this verse recognizing that it is important for us to understand this framework of authority, and he begins with men. The head of every man is Christ. In the first episode in this series I pointed out to husbands that we have drawn the short straw in this line up. To reiterate, God The Father, (a perfect being) is the head of Christ, (another perfect being). The wife, (an imperfect being) is under the leadership of her husband, (another imperfect being). In the order of authority given in this scripture, it is only the husband, (an imperfect being) who is under the direct authority of Christ, (a perfect being). Last time, I took great care to illustrate from God’s own chosen words that men are not superior to women in any way, shape or form, nor are women inferior to men. There I showed that though we were created with differing abilities, we were also created equal to one another in value. In the scriptural order found in 1 Corinthians 11:3 noted above, It is only the husband who must answer to one superior to himself. So gentlemen, let’s take a closer look at this standard given to us in God’s word, The head of every man is Christ. The New Testament is full of examples of who Christ is, and how He interacts with us. While all of those scriptures have value helping us to know how we should interact with others including our wives, there are several passages that deal directly with how Christ interacts with the church, His bride. Those are the passages I am going to be focusing on here. If Christ is the authority in direct leadership over husbands, then those scriptures that illustrate how He interacts with the church are of paramount importance to men if we are to know how to interact with our wives in a way that lives up to the standard given to us. The first of those scriptures we are going to look at is Ephesians 5:25. It reads as follows; 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her… There are several things from this scripture that I want to point out. First, there can be no mistaking this scripture to be one where the actions and attitudes of Christ are offered toward the church as His bride. There should also be no misunderstanding the fact that Husbands are clearly instructed here to offer their actions and attitudes toward their wives in a way that is reflective of, and in submission to, Christ. Second I want to highlight that this scripture clearly states that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. The male ego would like to focus on the fact that Christ died for the church. The reason for this is that if a husband then commits to being willing to die for his wife (something he is quite certain statistics show to carry a very low reason for concern) then he has just been a husband that is reflective of Christ. Sorry guys…that doesn’t cut it. Yes, if you and your wife are ever in a situation where one of you must choose to die so the other can live, husbands…you must be the one to choose to die. However, pre-committing to that unlikely eventuality is not enough to live up to the standard. Why? Because Christ actually died in place of His bride. So am I saying all men must die for their wife? No. However, Christ laid down His life for His bride in ways that we actually are given opportunity to do every day. Jesus did not come into existence on the first Christmas night when He was born in a manger. The Apostle John begins His Gospel with the truth that Jesus has always been. Jesus was before everything we understand to be the beginning. Jesus is, according to scripture, the Creator of all that exists. He said of Himself in Revelation 22:13, I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, The First and the Last.” This is but one of His astounding “I Am” statements indicating that He is in fact one of the three persons of Almighty God. As the great I Am, Jesus has always existed, and until His entrance into this world as one of His own creation, a little baby boy, He existed with the Father accompanied by the Spirit. There for all eternity past, they existed inseparably, reigning supremely, in the perfection of their Heavenly Kingdom. We on the other hand took precious little time upon our entrance to allow our selfishness and distrust in God’s loving instruction to give way to the introduction of sin into the perfect world Jesus had just created for us. With the high price of sin being death…we were eternally lost. When Jesus came into the world He had fashioned, He did so to remedy our sin problem. He came to offer His life as a sacrifice for our sin, lovingly and willingly offered in our stead. Jesus did not have need to come to earth…we had need of Him to come and to do that for us. Christ laid down His life for His bride. He laid down His perfect life that lacked nothing, to give us what we lacked, and could not obtain for ourselves. He laid aside His needs for our needs, His wants for our wants, His desires for our desires. Death was not the only way Jesus laid down His life for His bride…it was the final way. His death on the cross was the ultimate sacrifice, but He sacrificed for us every Nano-second He was away from the Father. Husbands, Christ is our example, He is the One in direct authority over us. As unfair as it might be that we are the only ones to have an authority morally superior to ourselves…it is what it is. We must learn to lay down our lives (in every way) for our bride if we want to succeed at having a God Shaped Marriage. As I said our male egos cause us to look only at Christ’s voluntary giving up of His life as the evidence of His great love for us. We like to think that so long as we are also willing to do that…we have our bases covered. Unfortunately, when we take that attitude we have missed the point all together. The command to each of us is to love our wife as Christ loved the church. The evidence of His love gives us a standard to put the evidence of our love for our wives up against, but the command to us is to love like Christ loves. According to the passage above, Christ sees Himself as our loving groom. His word instructs us how to be a loving husband, and illustrates that He interacts with us in that very way. In other words, if His word indicates we should treat our wife in a certain way, it is because He treats us in that same way. So when Ephesians 5:25 tells us love our wives, just like Christ loves His bride, we can look to scripture to find out how to do that. One example of that instruction is found in Colossians 3:19. In The Amplified Version that verse reads, Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage]. When you consider this verse in light of the one from Ephesians 5 it takes on additional meaning. We have to be ready to lay down our lives for our wife if we are going to be able to love them selflessly, as Christ loves us. We should always be most concerned with what is best for them and not what we might think best for us in a particular moment. The continuation of this verse is most important. Men, if we want to be God Shaped Husbands, we cannot be found giving in to the needs of our wife through a clenched jaw or gritted teeth. In fact, that will ruin the entire reflection. For the joy set before Him, the bible tells us…Christ endured the cross. If we are going to be like Christ, laying down our needs, hopes and desires, and putting those of our wives’ first, ought to be the joy set before us. The endurance part is simply the employment of our decision to see our God Shaped Marriage emerge. Paul cautions us here to avoid allowing our negative emotions to enter into a positive godly position at all costs. If we are going to get it right, we can’t view the responsibilities of a God Shaped Marriage as a thing to be despised. We must see it as a way that we can illustrate our love for our spouse, as Christ illustrated His great love for us. I want to take time to look at one more scripture that is congruent with those above before I close this edition. In the New King James Version, 1 Peter 3:7 says, Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. In this passage, we are instructed that a godly husband will interact with his wife in an understanding way. That he will give her honor as to the weaker vessel. This phrase is often misunderstood. Remember that in the last episode of this podcast I went to great lengths to point out that God’s word is clear…men and women were created with equal value. God’s word does not contradict itself, therefore this scripture cannot indicate that the weaker vessel is in any way inferior to the stronger one. I have heard this scripture taught quite literally to mean that a man should be gentle with his wife because her muscle structure is more fragile than his…that’s close, but I cannot fully agree with that to be the meaning. The use of the analogy of a vessel here is of great importance to a correct exegesis. A vessel has one job…to carry water without leaking. A weaker vessel, one made of crystal for example will hold water just as well as one made of iron. Both have equal value when it comes to transporting water. Unless…you knock them into the doorpost on your way into a room. If one is not gentle, and understanding of the limitations of crystal when bumped into a doorpost, the crystal vase will lose its ability to successfully accomplish what it was designed for. On another note, which is more desirable to have placed in the center of the table during a meal? Crystal or iron? The woman is the weaker vessel…the crystal one. She has equal value when it comes to accomplishing the given purpose…but she is different than iron and needs to be interacted with accordingly. Husbands we are being instructed here to understand that our wives will react differently than we do at times. That knowledge is supposed to elicit understanding and gentleness from us rather than harsh intolerance. We each have the same God given purpose…to be reflective of Him. We each have differing qualities that are useful to that end, but neither are more or less important than the other, in fact they are meant to work with each other to complete the reflection. As further proof that our valuation as men and women, husbands and wives are equivalent, Paul points out that both share equally in the grace of God, and they are partners in salvation. Finally, Paul points out that there is greater consequence than broken glass if husbands are not gentle with their wives…God will not honor a husband’s prayers if he does not honor God’s creation of a wife made just for him. Next time we will continue with our look at the God shaped husband, and how he fits into the structure and order of a God Shaped Marriage. So now doing everything you can, and asking God for more of His power every day to help you have a God Shaped Marriage…Go Be Awesome!
Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage
November 13, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 11:3
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage. We continue today with our look into the scripturally given Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage. Last time when introducing the topic of this new series I presented the idea that every successful endeavor necessarily includes both structure and order. There I re-stated what Genesis chapter 1 & 2 speak of so clearly. Marriage is primarily intended to reflect the God that instituted it. God purposefully created mankind to reflect His image and likeness. Additionally, He created the first man and woman in a united condition, inextricably one, made of the same flesh and bone. Following that original union, God authored marriage as the format by which going forward a man and a woman would be joined by Him, affording them the same capacity as Adam and Eve to reflect their creator. I shared with you in that introductory episode that according to God’s Word even the triune Godhead has an order of authority. Therefore, marriage which is determined to reflect God necessarily must also have structure of authority. Finally, I shared that in 1 Corinthians 11:3 the structure and order of both the Godhead and marriage are identified and connected with one another outlining an overall framework of authority. Once again that scripture reads as follows. But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. As we move forward in our look at the all-important God ordained structure of marriage, I want to begin with a crucial understanding. In the last edition I quickly made mention of the fact that the order of marital authority has nothing to do with the value of one person over the other. The structure of marriage absolutely has nothing to do with greater or lesser value found in a husband or wife. God’s word offers several explanations for why the order is what God has made it, but none of them have anything to do with the superiority of man or the inferiority of woman - because those ideals are completely and totally false. I want to dedicate this edition of the series on the Order and Structure of a God Shaped Marriage to dispelling that dangerous notion. Instead I hope to illustrate from God’s own word that men and women were and are created equally valuable in His eyes. There are several errant beliefs we hold as people that cause us to misunderstand our equal value as men and women. Even in our contemporary society where many might say that a corrected equality has finally been established, our thinking is flawed, and actually takes us farther away from the truth of God’s word, instead of nearer to it. At the pinnacle of those misunderstandings is this, “Equality means possessing the same capabilities”. For all of history this thought process has been so simple to disprove that is was never even questioned until the last century. It is more than easy to see that men and women do not have all of the same capabilities. For example, women can give birth far better than men…men have zero ability to do so and with infinitesimal few exceptions, all mature women are physically able to have a baby. To that order, nearly all men are capable of fathering a child, while women have no natural ability to do so. When each of these differing abilities are joined, a man and a woman each play a crucial yet completely different role in the creation of life. Interestingly, when this takes place in marriage, that couple becomes more reflective of God who initially created life. In this as well as many other areas, men and women have dissimilar ability, yet equal value. Following the science, there are many and varied physical differences between men and women that are not directly associated with reproduction. Some of those differences offer ability to one or the other that is easier to recognize than others. For instance, the existence of a woman’s breasts gives her the ability to nurse a child where her male counterpart has no such ability. A man’s ‘Adam’s apple’ exists because of the greater amount of cartilage surrounding a substantially larger voice box than a woman has. The increased size of the male vocal cords enable men to speak or sing in much lower octaves than the vast majority of women. Though these differences enable men and women to do things the other cannot, it does not in any way affect their overall value. Many additional differences also exist. There are differences in the ways we think. We exhibit differences in our relational needs. There are differences in the way we use language, the ways we problem solve, the ways we resolve conflict, etc. The list of differences goes on and on. These variations between us give us many differing capabilities that can often be observed to follow along gender-lines. None of those differing abilities increase or decrease our overall value. While one may be more useful in a specific area, the other will have greater success in another, however, a man and a woman are endowed by their Creator with equal value. Interestingly, when it comes to the value God sees in us as men and women, though it is equal, it is also exponentially increased as a man and woman are joined as one. (more on that later) For the purposes of this episode I want to focus on one specific scripture surrounding the necessity of the creation of the first woman, Eve. Genesis 2:18 says, And the Lord God said “It is not good that man should be alone I will make a helper comparable to him.” I have heard many teachings on this verse. Some good, some not-so-good. The poorest of these have indicated that God decided that Adam would be lonely and so He created Eve to keep Adam company and be a helper by keeping his needs met. Unfortunately, I believe this errant exegesis is only meant to serve unscrupulous men’s desire to utilize this passage to conclude that women are inferior to them in some way. In fact, a correct understanding of this scripture proves nothing could be further from the truth. When we look at the original Hebrew, the phrase “it is not good” is indicative that it was not yet complete. Each day of the creation week, we see the opposite phrase spoken in the affirmative. Genesis 1:4 says: and God saw the light, that it was good. In verse 10 it goes on to say and God called the dry land earth and the gathering together of the waters He called seas. And God saw that it was good. Again in verse 12: And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. Further on in verses 16-18 we read: Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also. God set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth, and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. Again in verse 21: So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. The phrase is repeated again in verse 25: And God made the beast of the earth according to its kind, cattle according to its kind, and everything that creeps on the earth according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. Finally, we come to verse 31 after God made mankind and the statement is made once again but this time with special exclamation! Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day. In light of that, we know that as God concluded the various tasks of creation and He made the statement that it was good He was intimating the job at hand to be finished, or complete. Therefore, in Genesis 2:18 when we read that God said “It is not good” we can surmise that He meant it is not complete or finished for man to be alone. In order to gain an accurate understanding, I think it important to do a bit of a word study of the original text. In this verse The Hebrew word [Towb] pronounced [to be] translates to the English phrase “It is not good”. According to Strong’s Bible Dictionary, the definition for this Hebrew word as used specifically in this reference means inappropriate for its use, or incomplete for its intended use. The Hebrew word for “Alone” used here is [Bad] pronounced [bad]which means separated or apart from its counterpart. Much like if your salt shaker was in the dining room and your pepper shaker was alone in the kitchen. Though it was by itself, it would still be part of a set intended to be used together. The final phrase necessary to have complete understanding of this verse is “A helper comparable to him.” The King James Version reads “A help meet.” This phrase comes from the Hebrew words [ezer] pronounced [ay'-zer], and [Neged] pronounced [neh'-ghed]. These words together, according to Strong’s, mean an absolute counterpart to a perfect set. When you put all of that together, a good literal translation of Genesis 2:18 would read something like this: And God said, It will be inappropriate and mankind will remain incomplete for his intended purpose if man is an unfinished creation, so I will create an absolutely perfect counterpart to him (woman) and together they will be a complete complimentary matched set, each an equally valuable part of the whole, that will more fully represent Me. Eve was the absolutely, perfectly created, counterpart to Adam. She was equal in valuation to Adam in every way. She was not more than Adam and not less than Adam. He was not superior to her in any way; she was not inferior to him in any way. They were a perfectly created, matched set. Equal in every way, yet often completely different in function. Together their purpose was to reflect the image and likeness of God. The analogy I like to use for them was that of a mirror. A mirror’s purpose is to reflect whatever is in front of it. A mirror is made up of two components. A sheet of perfectly clear and perfectly flat glass and a polished silver coating. Neither the glass nor the silver by themselves are very effective at producing a quality reflection, but when married together, they form a mirror that reflects with absolute clarity. The glass is not superior to silver nor is the silver inferior to glass, they are simply different yet both crucial to their collective purpose. Adam and Eve’s oneness was intended to reflect the image and likeness of God. The primary purpose of your marriage is the same. Adam and Eve were created differently than one another, just as you and your spouse were. Adam and Eve had equal value though differing individual abilities, just as is the case in your marriage. Those differences were not given to determine value, they were offered that together they might find the highest value…reflecting their supreme Creator, God. Was there order? Yes. Adam was created before Eve. Did that make him superior? Not in any way shape or form. Eve followed Adam in creation, but only to illustrate his need of her help to fulfill their purpose. Next time we will delve into some additional scriptures that display the God ordained structure and order of authority within the marriage, as well as the blessing God was attempting to give us within that very framework. So now, recognizing the incredible and equal value you and your spouse hold in your marriage…Go be Awesome!
A God Shaped Marriage Vol. 1
October 23, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Genesis 1:26–27, 1 Corinthians 11:3
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage. In the last series we discovered 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage. If you have not listened to that series of the Monday Marriage Message I invite you to do that. There you will see how God intends to use Compatibility, Understanding, Holiness, Selfless Service, Faithfulness, Forgiveness, and Love to bless your marriage, and make it Highly Successful, wonderfully fulfilling its intended purpose of reflecting Him. The essence of every successfully married couple is an understanding that their marriage is not really about them, but rather about how together they reflect their God and the author of their union. We have explored that truth originally stated in Genesis 1:26-27 in several past episodes, and it is essentially the basis for each of the editions of the Monday Marriage Message I have offered for your consideration over the past two years. In this episode I am hoping to introduce how this all-important truth is key to the Structure of Marriage. Everything successful is based upon structure and order. This is true of nature, science, mathematics, music, business and relationships. It is also true of our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. In all of these examples as well as others, structure and order are paramount to success. There are laws and rules that govern necessary structure and order if we are to trust mathematical equations, enjoy melodic performances, follow true science, or run a successful business venture. Most of the ills experienced in our world are the result of disorder or chaotic activity. Even physically, emotionally, or mentally speaking, when things are out of order, illness is the result. In relationships when intended or expressed order is not respected, dysfunction is the outcome. Even so in nature, when the balance of order is shifted the slightest bit, there are often dramatic consequences. Relationships are not immune from the importance of structure and order. As of late there has been a renewed surge in the societal effort to ignore this truth, but make no mistake, the results will soon prove this latest attempt to be no more successful than any other in human history. Consequences of even greater familial and societal decay along with the well-documented and long-understood accompanying dysfunction will undoubtedly be the result…only this time in even greater numbers and more vastly affecting the human condition. Marriage is not simply one of many equivalent relationships as so many would have us believe. If the marital relationship had been developed by mere man, that might be true. However, as the one-flesh relationship originated by God to recreate the original experienced by Adam and Eve, marriage is unique and vastly different than any other. (Genesis 2:23-24) It is the first human-to-human relationship identified in the bible. Because Adam and Eve were created married, (Eve was created from the very flesh of Adam) there was no relationship between two human beings pre-dating the one-flesh bond of Adam and Eve. As the first inter-human relational experience it is understood to be the primary one, therefore none is of higher importance. Only two forms of relationship supersede it, that enjoyed amongst the three Persons of the Triune Godhead, and the one between Creator God and His creation, neither of which is a purely inter-human relationship. As I stated earlier and as many times in past episodes, marriage is primarily intended to reflect the character and nature of God. As a result, the structure and order of marriage is uniquely taken directly from the structure and order of the Godhead. Scripturally we recognize this truth in 1 Corinthians 11:3 where we read, But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. In a rudimentary way this passage lays the foundation for the order of marriage basing it directly on the structure of the Godhead. The order of the marriage is clearly laid out, the Wife is under the authority and protection of her Husband just as Christ is under the authority and protection of God the Father. It is truly unfortunate that this marital structure provided for in God’s word seems to cause so many couples difficulty and dissention, when it is intended to bring nothing but unity and blessing. Since the introduction of sin into the world, this structure; designed to build up and strengthen, has often been the source of contention and division. God made it known to Adam and Eve that this would be the case when He removed them from the Garden of Eden and paradise was postponed. In Genesis 3:16 God said to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and He shall rule over you”. The implications here are many and we will look at them closely and in greater detail in a future edition of this series. For the purpose of this discussion however, it is important to note that the order of marriage was not changing as Adam and Eve’s sin necessitated their ejection from Eden, but the willing acceptance of that order inevitably became difficult with the knowledge of both good and evil. Lest anyone conclude that I am saying that women should know their place, and that men are somehow superior to them, let me emphatically state that nothing could be further from the truth. Scripture clearly states that the woman was created completely and totally equivalent in value to the man. The prescribed order is not based on value in any way, rather the structure of marriage is simply reflective of the structure of God who created it. Sin (a spiritual dis-order) is what caused our difficulty, not the God-given structure. Men ought not assume any undue pride in the stated order. In fact, Adam’s sin did bring an inequity into the order and structure of marriage…but it is slanted against the man’s favor not in it. Allow me to explain. In the passage from 1 Corinthians 11 that we looked at earlier, the stated order of authority is as follows; The head of every woman (the wife) is man (her husband). The head of every man (the Husband) is Christ, and the head of Christ is God the Father. In this order wives (imperfect beings) come under the authority of their husbands (also imperfect beings). Christ (the perfect Son of God) comes under the authority of God the Father (the perfect God). Men or husbands (imperfect sinful beings) are under the authority of Christ (the perfect, sinless Son of God). As men (or husbands) we are the only ones in this framework that are responsible to an authority morally superior to us. Men…we are not in a greater position in the structure of marriage than our wives are, we actually drew the short end of that particular stick. We are responsible for one who is like us, but to one infinitely greater than we are. As the primary inter-human relationship marriage is indeed different than any other human connection. There is none other like it. Of all bonds human beings enter into, it is the one that matters most to God because it is the one He desperately hopes to look into and see His reflection displayed most completely. In the coming weeks as we delve into this series exploring the structure and order of marriage it is my hope that we will not only discover what the Word of God identifies as the order but that we will also come away with a much greater understanding of what that order signifies and why it is so important to a successful marriage. Please join me each Monday as we take the necessary time to discover how God’s prescribed order and structure for marriage is intended to aid us in realizing all of the benefits and blessings as we allow Him to develop of us A God-shaped Marriage. So now, understanding that everything God purposes is for our good, accept the order and structure of your marriage as ordained by God Himself to be a total blessing in your life…and Go be Awesome!
7th Biblical Principle for a Highly Successful Marriage - Love
September 25, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage. For the past six episodes we have been exploring 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage. Other than the first principle I shared with you, Compatibility, I must admit, there has been no prioritization given to the principles that followed. I simply allowed the Holy Spirit to guide where in His inspired word and which of His Principles He would have me share next. However, as a part of the process, As He always is, God was doing more than I realized. As I researched and wrote in preparation for each episode in the series, the realization was always evident that there was too much information to convey comprehensively in a 15-minute podcast. That has always been one of the challenges of the Monday Marriage Message, to deliver an important idea rich with scriptural background in just 15 minutes. As I undertook the project of this particular series, that challenge remained. Flow and continuity required I not spend multiple editions exploring a singlular Biblical Principle, so as I have become accustom to doing, I condensed the material to the best of my ability to fit the format. As I made my way through 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage, it was all too clear that there was too much left on the cutting room floor to simply sweep up and toss out. As that recognition grew, the reality emerged that more had to be done with the material I included in the podcast as well as what necessarily had been held back. What emerged has become a second marriage building conference that I will be presenting for the first time at the end of the week. That new project required a thoughtful look at the order of these 7 Biblical Principles and a reshuffling of them that will present more effectively in a seminar format. I say all of that to say that today although we will be exploring our 7th Biblical Principle in this series, that is not its final place in the seminar lineup, there it has become Principle # 4. This 7th or 4th Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage, depending on where it is being offered, is Love. I can see good reason for some of you to think I should have numbered it first because it is reasonable to ask, “Without love is a highly successful marriage even possible”? I can’t argue with that logic. I can also understand why someone would place it as the final of these 7 Biblical Principles, because love is the correct final word on everything. Paul wrote that now abides faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13) Love is the catalyst of all things good, right and true…and it is also the culmination of those same things. I suppose it could also be argued that Love belongs in the middle of the list because love must be in the midst of anything for that thing to have value. While none of those were my rationale for placing it in the final position here in the podcast, or in the fourth position in the upcoming marriage conference, they are all valid points none-the-less. More importantly however, is the question, “Why does love make the cut as one of the 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage”? As we have learned from God’s word, the primary purpose of marriage according to its originator is to be reflective of the Triune God that created it. It is recorded in Genesis 1:26-27 that God said Let Us (The Father, The Son, and The Spirit) make man in our image and likeness…So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. It is also recorded in 1 John 4:8 that the Apostle John wrote He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love. If God is love, and He is…and the primary purpose of marriage is to reflect God…and it most certainly is, then one of the necessary components of a marriage highly successful at reflecting God…is love. Additionally, if we are going to move forward in this discussion in a meaningful way we must initially define love. Let me first say that the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you hold an infant child, embrace your spouse, or even scratch your version of the “Best dog ever”, behind the ear is not love! Love is not an emotion. The warm and fuzzies are the result of fondness. Fondness is an emotion. Fondness is measurable in a sense in that it has graduations or levels. Hopefully you feel more fondness when you embrace your spouse than you do when you scratch behind the dogs ear…maybe not. Love is actionable…always. It could be argued that fondness is the emotion you experience when you embrace your spouse, hold the baby or pet the dog. However, in the most basic sense, the embrace, the cuddle, the pat…those are love. More importantly though, the relationship, not the emotion must be the catalyst for genuine love. Let me explain. In that same chapter in 1 John we read in verse 21, And this commandment we have from Him (Jesus) that he who loves God must love his brother also. God does not command us how to feel, or what emotions to have, and yet He commands us to love one another. In John’s gospel he recorded the moment Jesus said; “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”. (John 13:34-35) Since God does not command our emotions, but rather does command action, if we are commanded to love, love must be actionable. Who is it that we are we commanded to take loving action toward? One another. Why? Because we are His disciples. We are to act in love toward one another as a result of the relationship. But which relationship? The Teacher/Master to disciple one. We love others because Jesus asks us to. Because we are in relationship with Him, and He wishes that we show His love to others, we do so at His request. This is what allows us to love even when hurt, disappointed, frustrated or even angry with those with whom we are called to love. This ability only increases in importance when the one we are interacting with is our spouse. Therefore, defining love as an actionable characteristic, and understanding that God is love and therefore our marriages, designed to reflect Him, must reflect His love…what are those actions we must exemplify and which must we avoid? For that answer we can refer to what the Apostle Paul was inspired by God to write in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. Paul writes here that we can do a lot of things in admirable ways but without love they are worse than useless. He begins with our words. My wife and I are both hearing impaired. There are times when we jokingly say that if people heard us try to communicate when we are unable to look at one another and read lips to assist our failing hearing, they would probably wonder why we stay so angry with each other…we yell at one another all the time. We don’t yell because we are angry with each other…at least not usually, we do it because speech that cannot be heard is useless. However, Paul writes, words that are spoken without love are worse than useless, the hearer also finds them incredibly irritating. Paul goes on to say that even if we have great and wonderful revelations from God, even if He has given us understanding of some of the most problematic of life’s questions, if we cannot express them in love, those answers are of no use to anyone...not even us! Suppose we have the proverbial faith that can move mountains…without love, we won’t use it correctly. In the final of his hypotheticals Paul says that if we sell everything we have to feed the poor, but we do it so we will gain recognition more than we do it because someone is hungry, or even if we are willing to become a martyr, if our motivation is anything short of love…those actions will be valueless. Paul then switched from analogous writing and began penning words of a more descriptive nature. In this next segment, he begins to define what specific actions are loving and which are not. He says that loving action will patiently continue on even if there is seemingly no return on investment. Why? Because genuine love’s motivation is never self-serving. Loving action is kind, and acts of kindness are by definition always to benefit another. Next Paul mentions a few unloving actions. He tells us love doesn’t worry about what is fair, only what is right. He mentions that love doesn’t try to get credit for its righteous actions and never thinks it is better than another because of its ability to act as it does. Paul says that genuine love will never fail to be courteous and considerate of others. Love is not self-serving or inward thinking. Love always considers others before thinking of self. Love is not provoked but instead will empathetically endure insults and unloving words and actions, and will not allow anything to dissuade it. Love does not think that every unkind action or word received from another is indicative of a poor motive but instead offers the benefit of the doubt, and tries to understand what that person may be going through. Paul states that as human beings we all have a propensity for the ability to take enjoyment from that which is wrong, but genuine love only wants what is best, righteous and uplifting. Paul concludes by offering a litmus test to determine genuine love from a cheap counterfeit. He says that love will always do these five things. · Love bears all things. This means that love will be patient in all things and will even try to conceal the faults of others. The original text actually means that love covers all things, meaning love rubs out another’s mistake rather than rubbing it in. · Love believes all things. This doesn’t mean that love is gullible, but it does mean that love gives the benefit of the doubt. Love does not look for a poor motive behind every hurtful misstep of another but rather looks to see what difficulty or misunderstanding could cause an otherwise good willed person to lash out. · Love hopes all things. Love always wants to see things work out the best for everyone involved. Even in genuine disagreements, love necessitates that when the dust settles…everyone survives. · Love endures all things. Love does not withdraw itself or morph into unloving action no matter what it receives from another. Love understands that it’s standard is always righteousness. Love is true to itself and does not change because it is on the receiving end of unrighteousness. · Love never fails. The four previous characteristics of love elude to this one. In each of them Paul wrote “all things” meaning; nothing gets love off its game. In the end result love will always emerge acting in a loving way. God is love, God is unchanging…Therefore, love also is unwavering. Love always comes up looking like love. You know what else genuine love always does? Love always wins. So now, using the winning strategy of love in your marriage…Go be Awesome!
6th Biblical Principle for a Highly Successful Marriage - Forgiveness
September 18, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to discover how to experience a highly successful marriage. This is the sixth edition in our series 7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage. Since beginning this series I have shared with you 5 of 7 biblical principles that govern highly successful marriages. I have been careful not to call this series “THE” 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage because though I have chosen to highlight these 7 they are not by any accounting the only biblical principles governing marriage. God’s word contains many, many more that will have an even greater positive impact on your marriage if you will choose to search them out and employ them. Thus far in this series we have considered; Compatibility, Recognizing that your marriage is more about your relationship with God than it is about your relationship with your spouse, Holiness, Selfless Service and Faithfulness. Each of these principles are indeed crucial to a marriage that strives to fulfill its God-given purpose of reflecting Him. However, there are still two more Biblical principles that I wish to uncover from God’s word before I conclude this series. In this episode we will take a close look at what God’s word says about Forgiveness as the 6th Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage. Forgiveness is an interesting and complex subject. All of us come to understand very quickly in marriage that forgiveness is going to be necessary if the marriage is going to experience any meaningful longevity. 1 Corinthians 13:5 describes the kind of love marriage must be predicated upon to be highly successful as one that keeps no record of wrongdoing. Does wrongdoing take place in marriage…you bet! Often, before the first day of marriage has concluded, the new bride and groom have managed to offend one another, but those wrongs are quickly overlooked in light of their newly established oneness. Unless the same offences repeatedly occur, they will likely not be recorded on a tally-sheet. Why? According to 1 Corinthians 13 Godly love doesn’t have a score card. Consequently, it doesn’t take the newly-weds long at all to come to realize that forgiveness in their new marriage is going to become an important, daily, necessity. If our marriages must reflect God if they are going to meet their intended purpose…and they must, then our forgiveness for one another must be the same kind God uses when He forgives us. If we are going to forgive as God does…we must have an understanding of what forgiveness means to Him. Any other form of forgiveness that we attempt to invent, will be incorrectly applied and will not have the effect God intends us to experience. God’s brand of forgiveness offers freedom, freedom to move forward unencumbered. In Isaiah 43:25 God says this; “I, I am the One who erases all your sins, for my sake; I will not remember your sins”. So what are the components of genuine forgiveness that are critical to highly successful marriages? The first important understanding comes from the verse I mentioned just a moment ago from the book of Isaiah. There God mentions a few things about His forgiveness that are noteworthy. First He says that He erases our sins. This is in line with 1 Corinthians 13:5. There we read that love (and according to 1 John, God is love) keeps no record of wrongdoing. God says that He erases the record of our wrongdoing toward Him. He does not say that the wrong never happened, nor does He say our sin against Him wasn’t hurtful…just that He won’t keep considering it when He is interacting with us. The second remarkable thing this simple verse illustrates for us is that forgiveness essentially frees the forgiver as much or more than it does the forgiven. There God says that He erases our sins for His own sake. He forgives us to free Himself of the negative feelings that our sin would otherwise cause Him to experience when interacting with us. He forgives us to free Himself to love us in spite of our sin against Him. As a result, He said, “I will not remember your sins”. When you look at the original Hebrew text the intimation is that of a Judge who chooses to interact with a convict, but who refuses to look at their rap-sheet while doing so. The rap-sheet is real. Both participants are fully aware of its existence, But God says that in His forgiveness of us He refuses to open our file. When we forgive our spouse we have to learn to do as God does. Get rid of the record of wrongdoing. This doesn’t mean we have to make-believe the wrong didn’t happen. We don’t have to pretend it didn’t cause us pain or have a negative impact on the relationship. It does mean however that we can’t continue to compile a list of reasons our spouse is not worthy of our love and acceptance…or else, we will become unable to continue to love and accept them. Just like God does, for our own sake, so that we can be free, we must choose to quit looking at our spouse’s rap-sheet when we are interacting with them. We must choose to not consider their sins against us if we want to be free. Remember…forgiveness frees the forgiver as much or even more than it does the forgiven. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget what happened…it means we choose to not stare at the offence while interacting with our offender. Our human condition often makes offering to another the same kind of forgiveness God offers us a very difficult thing to do. We may even think it impossible at times. We know from Jesus own words to His disciples that it is necessary that we learn to do so, but sometimes we just can’t see how God’s brand of forgiveness is something we as mere human beings can ever accomplish. Some hurts after all are just too big. God may be able to erase all of our sins, but we aren’t God. Is it really fair for Him to require genuine forgiveness from us? Seemingly, God believes it is. When Jesus taught His Disciples to pray, Matthew 6:9-15 says He told them this; 9 So when you pray, you should pray like this: ‘Our Father in heaven, may your name always be kept holy. 10 May your kingdom come and what you want be done, here on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us the food we need for each day. 12 Forgive us for our sins, just as we have forgiven those who sinned against us. 13 And do not cause us to be tempted, but save us from the Evil One.’ The kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours forever. Amen. Then Jesus made this statement; 14 Yes, if you forgive others for their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you for your sins. 15 But if you don’t forgive others, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins. At first glance the Lord’s Prayer may seem to include one small blurb about forgiveness, but when we take into account the monumental footnote Jesus added after teaching His disciples how to pray, forgiveness begins to take center stage in the prayer. When we choose to forgive our spouse, God’s name is kept Holy. Our marriages reflect Him in the midst of forgiveness, perhaps more than at any other time. God is the ultimate forgiver; no one has ever has to pay as high a price to be able to offer it as He has. When we forgive our spouse their wrongs, we successfully reflect God and represent who and what He is. When we choose to forgive especially in our marriages, God’s will (that which He does) takes place on earth as it does in Heaven. When we choose to forgive another we open ourselves up to being able to experience the amazing forgiveness God offers us in the shed blood of His one and only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus taught His disciples to pray that God would further empower them to resist the temptation from the evil one to fail to forgive. Satan understands that time plus un-forgiveness always equals bitterness. He also knows that there is no better tool at his disposal to kill, steal and destroy marriages than bitterness. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean that we have to say that the wrong, wasn’t wrong. If it was wrong, it was wrong. Sin is sin. God’s word doesn’t teach us that forgiveness means sin is no longer wrong. God still says that sin is wrong. Remember what Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery? John’s Gospel tells us that Jesus’ words of conviction “Let the one among you who is without sin throw the first stone at her” drove away all of her accusers who wanted to put her to death. Jesus then looked at the woman and asked her “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you” She said no one, Lord. And Jesus said to Her, “Neither do I condemn you; [but] go and sin no more”. (John 8:7&10-11) Forgiveness doesn’t make a wrong, right, but nor does it coincide with condemnation. Again this may seem unfair and impossible, but there is good news! You don’t have to do it. You might be thinking, “Wait a minute Pastor Ken, I thought you just said we have to learn to forgive if God is going to forgive us?” That is correct, but what I mean to say is that YOU don’t have to arrange your offender’s forgiveness…you only have to agree with God’s forgiveness for them. The requirement on you is to agree with God that He was right and just to offer your offender His forgiveness for the hurtful way they treated you. 1 John 1:9 says, If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Hurt people however, are often looking for justification to hold the person who hurt them accountable. In light if that, they might ask regarding that last scripture, “But what if the person who did me wrong has not confessed their sin to God or to me?” The Bible has an answer for that question as well. Romans 5:8 tells us; But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners. God loves all of us…even those who hurt us…so much that even before a single confession of sin was made, He offered His Son’s life as recompense for our sin. That is why it is just for God to forgive all of us…Jesus already paid the price. One of our biggest hang-ups when it comes to forgiveness, is this. We are afraid that if we forgive…we have to let our offender off the hook for what they have done to us. That’s not true at all. They are still firmly on the hook for their actions…we simply have to agree to hand the hook to God. We may be the victim of another person’s sin against us but to be a victor, we must realize we are not the judge, jury and executioner. Vengeance is mine says the Lord…and I will repay! (Hebrews 10:30) Forgiveness allows us the freedom to willingly hand the hook to God. He promises He will make it right. And He will make it right. He will either give the person who has wronged us a heart transplant, if they are willing for it, or eternal separation from Him if they refuse His love and forgiveness. Forgiveness on our part is the agreement to let Him work out all of those details. If we don’t have to hold the hook any longer, then we don’t have to hold onto the record of what went wrong either. As we hand those things off to God with whom they rightfully belong, our load is lightened and we become free to interact with our offender in a healthy way again. Are there times when the damage is too great and trust simply cannot be restored? Are there some relationships that are so damaging that they should not be resumed? Of course, but those are in the minority, not the majority. They are the exception not the rule. Regardless, forgiveness is still a necessity for freedom, and a healthy mind and heart. Because of that, forgiveness is solidly on the list of Biblical principles for a highly successful marriage. So now, reflecting God in your marriage by agreeing with Him that His forgiveness for your spouse was right and just…Go Be Awesome!
5th Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage - Faithfulness
August 28, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Genesis 1:28, Deuteronomy 7:9
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to discover how to experience a highly successful marriage. This is the fifth edition in our series 7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage. In the past few weeks we have looked at four of seven biblical principles pertaining to a highly successful marriage. They have been; #1 Compatibility, #2 Understanding that your marriage is more about your relationship with God than it is about your relationship with your spouse, #3 Holiness and #4 Selfless service. This week I want to introduce a 5th Biblical Principle of a highly successful marriage - faithfulness. One might think that faithfulness in marriage is a no brainer, an unnecessary focal point in a series such as this one. Even the world thinks for the most part that faithfulness in marriage is important right? Maybe, but why is faithfulness something that every highly successful marriage must possess? It may be for reasons greater than you think. Admittedly as I have said almost ad nauseam, the primary purpose of marriage as stated by God, it’s originator, is to reflect Him and represent His many characteristics. (Genesis 1:26-27) As God looks into our marital mirrors He expects to see Himself, as the world looks at our marriages they too should see an awesome likeness of who God is. A rudimentary example of this that requires no further explanation is the secondary purpose of marriage as noted by God. Then God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it…” Genesis 1:28. God is the creator of life and when joined in marriage a husband and wife are also capable of creating life. That example illustrates the simple truth that marriage is in fact reflective of God, but we can also see the necessity of the requirement that a marriage be only comprised of a man and a woman. Two similar yet uniquely different beings joined as one for the purpose of glorifying God and His vast capabilities. In past episodes I have made note of other unique differences possessed by both men and women that when joined in marriage and made one, more accurately reflect the totality God’s characteristics. One I have noted is the differences in our thinking. Each man a compartmentalized thinker while His wife is relational in her thoughts. Why that difference? Because God thinks both ways as illustrated in my podcast series Differences that Divide. Another example from that series would be the differing relational needs of a man and a woman. A husband is always looking carefully at his wife’s responses to ensure that he is respected by her for what he says, does, thinks, and believes. Likewise, she is also scrutinizing his responses to see that she is loved for those very same things. If marriage is intended to mirror God’s characteristics, and it most certainly is, then one of the qualities that must be found in every marriage for it to be highly successful at reflecting Him is faithfulness. God is faithful therefore there can be no question that faithfulness is key to a marriage living up to its intended purpose. How do we know that He is faithful? Certainly most of us would say we have more than enough anecdotal evidence to support that claim. However, His word also makes His faithfulness abundantly evident. Deuteronomy 7:9 Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments. We can rest assured that the Lord God is faithful. As I said a moment ago, evidence of that from our own experience abounds, however so does proof from His word. Literally thousands of God’s promises recorded in the Bible have already been fulfilled, and there will never be scriptural promise that will go unfulfilled. In the 33 years that Jesus lived on the earth alone, He fulfilled not only the 48 specific messianic prophecies, but many scholars estimate that He fulfilled over 250 other prophesies, when you count the many that are not specific to, but are closely associated with the Messiah. I love that example because of the overwhelming conclusion it draws as to God’s faithfulness. Dr. Peter Stoner author of the book, Science Speaks, calculated that the probability of one man fulfilling just 8 of the 48 messianic prophecies found in the Old Testament to be 1 in a million to the 22nd power. For those not-so-good at math that is the number 1,000,000 with 22 more zeros added! For additional context, if you were to take enough silver dollars to cover the entire state of Texas 2 feet deep, and you marked a small x marked on the back of just one coin, the odds of a blindfolded person picking out the correct coin on the first try would be the same as Jesus fulfilling all 48 of the messianic prophecies, which He in fact did. God is not simply faithful to keep His promises. Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us, The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your Faithfulness. Here we read of God’s faithfulness in the sense that He will never let us down. We can count on Him to keep His word to us because of His great and unwavering love for us. This concept of God’s unending faithfulness is described further in Psalm 36:5 where we read, Your steadfast love oh Lord extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Furthermore, God’s word tells us that He is faithful to interact with us in the way that He has promised to. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 says Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who will also do it. Here the promise is that if we are willing to accept His Son’s sacrifice for our sin, God will keep us and find us blameless when Jesus returns. This verse clearly says that God is faithful and we can count on Him to look at us as righteous because of our acceptance of His free gift of salvation found in His Son, Jesus. I love what is says about this in Philippians 1:6. There we read, Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. The promise here is that God is absolutely going to finish the work of redemption that He has begun in our lives. His word says so. He is faithful, and we can count on it. God is faithful to us, and therefore, as a part of the covenant with us that our marriages are a representation of, God requires our faithfulness to Him. 1 Corinthians 4:2 tells us that, Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful. In other words, the requirement on us as to our part in the Creator/created relationship is to be found to be faithful in all things. Jesus was explaining the importance God places on faithfulness one day and told a story about a businessman who went away on a trip and entrusted money to three of his employees for them to invest in his absence. When the businessman returned two of the employees had doubled his money. To those the employer said “Well done thou good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master. (Matthew 25:21 & 23) Jesus then made the point that the third employee had been afraid and had hidden the portion of money he was supposed to invest. When his employer asked for his return on investment from that employee, he was told that only the principle amount originally entrusted to him remained. Jesus called that employee wicked and unfaithful. Faithfulness matters to God. He is faithful to us and He intends and expects that we will be faithful to Him in return. As I said earlier, our marriages are to reflect God and His character. God is faithful, and we are to be as well. We must be faithful to Him, and quite frankly He desires and expects that our faithfulness will be evident within our marriages too. In fact, according to His own word, God looks to see if we are being faithful to our spouse…to discern if we are being faithful to Him. What should our faithfulness to our spouse look like? Faithfulness is demonstrated in many ways. A few weeks ago I spoke of another of the principles of a highly successful marriage, Holiness. I described God’s holiness as being consistent and trustworthy. Faithfulness in our marriage is illustrated in much the same ways. It is being consistent. Our spouse needs to know that they can count on us to act the same way when we are out of their presence as we do when they are with us. God’s word speaks to this in Matthew 5:37 it says that we should let our ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and our ‘No,’ [be] ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. In other words, people, (our spouse especially) should be able to count on the answers we give to remain the same - no matter who from, or under what circumstances the questions arise. Faithfulness is being true to the person who is counting on us. Faithfulness in marriage is more than being consistent, and it is also more than being sexually faithful. Those are critical components of faithfulness no doubt, but it is far more than just those things. It is an unwillingness to say or do anything that might call our allegiance to our spouse into question. One of the agreements my wife and I made before we married, was to never allow ourselves to be put into a situation where we would feel the need to explain it to the other should they show up unexpectedly. That means we won’t be found anywhere, participate in anything, or even be caught saying anything that might reasonably lead to questions of our faithfulness from the other. As I said a few moments ago, God takes the level of our faithfulness to our spouse very seriously…because it is reveals our faithfulness to Him. Generally speaking, I quote scripture in my podcasts from the New King James Version, but the meaning of this particular scripture is actually captured extremely well in the paraphrase The Message, so I will read it to you from there. Malachi 2:10-17 say, 10 Don’t we all come from one Father? Aren’t we all created by the same God? So why can’t we get along? Why do we desecrate the covenant of our ancestors that binds us together? 11-12 Judah has cheated on God—a sickening violation of trust in Israel and Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the holiness of God by falling in love and running off with foreign women, women who worship alien gods. God’s curse on those who do this! Drive them out of house and home! They’re no longer fit to be part of the community no matter how many offerings they bring to God-of-the-Angel-Armies. 13-15 And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. 17 You make God tired with all your talk. “How do we tire him out?” you ask. By saying, “God loves sinners and sin alike. God loves all.” And also by saying, “Judgment? God’s too nice to judge.” Faithfulness is so important to God because true faithfulness is a selfless act. Real faithfulness is motivated by a greater desire to do what someone else needs or wants, than to do what you might choose if you had only yourself to consider. Jesus talked about the necessity of that level of faithfulness to Him if we are going to have a correct relationship with Him. In Luke 9:23 He said “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. Faithfulness is selfless because it requires us to deny ourselves and follow the one we are being faithful to. In Matthew 10:37 Jesus said, He who loves father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me. And he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Here Jesus is dramatically illustrating the high level of faithfulness required to be in relationship with Him…because He is that faithful to us. So as we just read in Malachi, God looks to see if we will have that same selfless faithfulness toward our spouse. The Apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit then penned these commands to help us illustrate our faithfulness to our spouse and to God. In Ephesians 5:22 & 25 Paul wrote, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. As God watches us to see if we will prefer and submit to our spouse like He commanded us to, He is actually interested in finding out if we are willing to prefer and submit to Him. Faithfulness is the 5th in our list of Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage. So now, being faithful to the God who has always faithful to you by being a faithful husband or wife…Go Be Awesome!
Biblical Principal #4 for a Highly Successful Marriage - Selfless Service
August 21, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to discover how to experience a highly successful marriage. This is the fourth edition in our series 7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage. Since beginning this series I have shared with you 3 of 7 biblical principles that govern highly successful marriages. They are; Compatibility, Recognizing that your marriage is more about your relationship with God than it is about your relationship with your spouse, and Holiness. Each of these principles are crucial to a marriage that desires to fulfill its God-given purpose and reflect Him. This week we continue to look at those characteristics that define God-shaped marriages. As previously determined, the primary or first biblically noted purpose of marriage is to reflect God. It is why Adam and Eve were created in a “One Flesh” condition and why your marriage was a recreation of that same oneness. (Genesis 2:23 & 24) Our marriages are to be the marital mirrors that God can look into and see Himself. If we are to be highly successful in that endeavor, then we must allow our marriages to adopt godly characteristics. To that end, the 4th Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage is – Selfless Service. Biblically speaking this is a necessity, and we have therefore, been commanded to serve one another. Just one instance of this command is found in Ephesians 5:21 there it says, Submitting to one another in the fear of God. The instruction here is crystal clear and is one of intended cause and effect. In the fear of God, or in other words understanding that God is the authority over all…submit to one another. One might argue that the placement of this verse is in context with how we are to interact with other believers, (instruction given in verses 19 & 20) and I would agree…though not completely. The fact that the next 12 verses finalizing the chapter are specific instruction on how wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands are to prefer their wives needs over their own, causes me to argue that the implications of verse 21 may be weighted heavier toward the verses that follow it, than the ones preceding. Nevertheless, there can be no reasonable argument that verse 21 does not apply in marriage. Romans 12:9-11 also speak to this same idea that serving one another is godly. Let [your] love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another, not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. Again, the argument might be made that these verses are not specific to marriage, and they are not, they are instruction for how to interact with those in lesser relationships. If this instruction applies to the lesser however, it absolutely applies to the greater. Moreover, the importance here is the desired motivation for following the instruction. We are to prefer one another, because it is good, and it is how we serve the Lord. In other words, by preferring one another, we are illustrating love and therefore being reflective of God who is love according to 1 John 4:7. Remembering that the primary purpose of marriage is to reflect God, selfless service is without a doubt central to a highly successful marriage. God is all about service, because God is selfless. God illustrates this characteristic of His all the time, and He has been doing so from the beginning. In the first chapter of Genesis the first 25 verses describe the first 5 days of creation. Each of those days God worked to create a universe that would be life sustaining and useful to His crowning creation mentioned in verses 26-27. Everything God did prior to creating Adam and Eve was done to serve them and was shown to be selfless, as God gave to mankind dominion and authority over all He had created. Even though Adam and Eve used their God-given authority to sin and brought ruin into all that God had freely given them, God did not become selfish and take his gifts of life and love back from them. In fact, after literal countless other acts of mercy and grace, God continued out of His Holy and unchanging nature to be a selfless being. God was even willing to give His Only Son to be offered as a perfect sacrificial lamb to provide recompense for the sin of mankind. The bible tells us that even though we are selfish because of the sin-nature we are born with, God selflessly offers to us new mercies each and every morning. In light of the fact that God is selfless, and the point of our marriages is to reflect who and what He is…Highly Successful marriages operate in selflessness. In fact, I like to say that selflessness is the atmosphere in which marriages thrive. Selfishness eradicates the necessary atmosphere creating a vacuum, that eventually suffocates marriage. Conventional wisdom tells us that we have to look out for ourselves, even in our marriages. Though it is not how marriage is designed to operate, the world has made this pseudo wisdom sound right and good. We have long been told that if we don’t love ourselves first, we can’t possibly love others. The world tells us things like, we can’t give to others from a place of weakness. If we don’t take care of ourselves first, we will be unable to care for others. These misguided tenants and so many others like them are lies designed by our spiritual enemy to make selfishness seem right and just. They would never be believed, and would be rejected out of hand, except that they sound plausible. This tactic of Satan, using plausible lies to deceive, has been used regularly since first deployed in the Garden of Eden. He was attempting to steal, kill and destroy then and He is continuing in those same efforts today. I am convinced that Satan attacks marriages with plausible deceptions concerning the ‘virtues of selfishness’, specifically because He is trying to kill godly marriages by stealing the atmosphere that will be healthy for them, so he can destroy the marital mirror designed to reflect and glorify the God he hates so vehemently. I don’t want to spend too much time in this limited format speaking about selfishness and how we must avoid it in our marriages at all cost. However, I do find it interesting that many people have no difficulty identifying selfish behavior on the part of others, including their own spouse. When it comes to personal introspection however, it seems that we often have a remarkable blind spot. As a marriage counselor it never ceases to amaze me how many people come into my office with the expressed intent of showing me how selfish their spouse is. These same people however, usually don’t recognize that in doing so, they often illustrate and reveal their own selfish behavior. If they do recognize and admit their own selfishness, without exception they also offer to me rationale for why it must exist. Their reasoning always includes some form of the aforementioned worldly wisdom that speaks to the need to take care of themselves first because their spouse refuses to do so. The problem with this rational is that selfishness can never be encouraged to become selflessness by the addition of further selfishness. It simply does not make sense and has never in the history of humankind been successful. What can illuminate selfish behavior that needs to be addressed is selfless service. Romans 12:19-21 give this instruction to those abused by another. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Remember, God is the model for your marriage. Christ is your example. Highly Successful Marriages are selfless in their service to one another. Matthew 20:28 tells us that our example, Jesus, was all about selfless service. There it says, Even as the Son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many. If anyone ever had a right to expect to be served it would be the Son of God, the One through whom everything was spoken into existence. The very same One who gives us life and breath. But Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and to do so at the highest personal cost. If Jesus came to serve, how can we believe that our marriages, which God’s word uses more than any other example to illustrate the relationship between God and man, should not be all about our selfless service to our spouse? Do we really think that our lives have a greater or higher calling than that of Christ? I don’t think that is true, and yet somehow we have been led to believe that we shouldn’t have to serve unless our spouse also serves us. We don’t think we should have to offer selflessness in response to our spouse’s selfishness toward us. I love the example given to us at the last supper. In John 13:1-5, we read the account of Jesus washing the disciple’s feet. Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end. It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything, and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him. There are just a few points I want to make from this portion of the passage. First, the act of selfless service was done out of Jesus love for the disciples. It was out of order in the sense that they were the students and He was their teacher. They were the lesser and He was the greater. By all customary tradition they should have taken the servant’s role and washed Jesus’ feet, but in a perfect example to us, He, the one deserving of honor, took the servant’s position and washed their feet. Second, this passage tells us that Jesus knew that Judas would betray Him, He knew of the evil in Judas’ heart toward Him, the ill will that Judas had where it came to Jesus…but Jesus washed Judas’ feet too. He served those who should have served Him and He knowingly served the one who had an evil heart toward Him. Now let’s look at verses 12-17, After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message. Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them. Again there are a few salient points worth noting. First, Jesus let the disciples know that if He was indeed the greater, their teacher and He had served them, they had no excuse for not serving one another. Second, He made the point that He had done so in obedience to God, and they in turn should serve one another in response to God. Third, though not specifically mentioned here, the disciples would soon know what Jesus had known all along. They would soon be aware that Jesus had knowingly washed His betrayer’s feet. They would know that in their running away, and in Peter’s outright denial of even knowing who Jesus was, none of them were worthy of His selfless service to them. And yet, they could not deny that He had commanded them to serve one another in the same manner going forward. That command extends to us as well, even and especially in regards to our spouse. Selfless service is Christ-like, it is Godly, and our marriages are intended to reflect Him. Inarguably then, selfless service is one of the biblical principles of a highly successful marriage. So now, selflessly serving your spouse, just as Christ has selflessly served you…Go Be Awesome!
3rd Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage – Holiness
August 14, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Leviticus 20:26, Leviticus 11:45, 1 Peter 1:13–16
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to discover how to experience a highly successful marriage. This is the third edition in our series 7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage. In the first episode we discovered that compatibility is key to success in marriage. If we aren’t of like mind spiritually, marriage becomes exceedingly problematic. Ultimately the difficulty is the result of not having the same goals for the marriage. By God’s design, the primary purpose of marriage is to reflect who He is. When we choose to ask Him to unequally yoke us with an unbeliever that purpose becomes incredibly challenging to fulfill, and the lack of unified effort to that end will be the cause of much frustration. In the second episode I shared the importance of understanding that your marriage is more about your relationship with God than it is about your relationship with your spouse. We looked at Ephesians 5:21-33 where the Apostle Paul wrote about the intricately intertwined connection between the relationship we have with our spouse and the relationship Christ desires to have with us. There, as in no other scripture I am aware of, the Bible illustrates that correct interaction in marriage is congruent with a right relationship with God. Finally, I mentioned that all of the commands concerning the best way to interact with our spouse come from God’s written word to us. It is not our spouse who gives the commands, they come directly from God. As such our obedience should be directed toward God. We interact with our spouse, but we do so in response to our God. Today I want to focus on the 3rd Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage. When we consider the Great Analogy I just spoke of, it is important to understand that our marriages are the tangible, physical representation of the relationship between mankind and God. God is Holy and tells us in scripture that our response to His holiness is supposed to be our holiness. In Leviticus 20:26 God told the Hebrew People, “Thus you are to be holy to Me, for I the Lord am holy; and I have set you apart from the peoples to be Mine”. In this scripture, God is saying that He has chosen these particular people as His own, just as a groom chooses a bride to be especially his for an uninterrupted lifetime together. Just a few chapters before, it is recorded that God reminded these same people that He had brought them out of a foreign land where they had been in servitude to another (the Egyptian Pharaoh) and had taken them to Himself, and was now taking them to the promised land. Leviticus 11:45 says, “For I am the Lord who brought you up from the land of Egypt to be your God; thus you shall be holy, for I am holy.” This language is incredibly analogous of a contemporary wedding for the time. In the Hebrew custom, just as Isaac, and Jacob had done, a groom would go, sometimes a great distance, find a bride, make her a promise of a home and then bring her back to his father’s house to be his wife. Here God has said that He went to the land of Egypt, claimed the people as His own and was now leading them to their new home that He had promised to them. Additionally, God gave the people instruction. He told them that in order for them to be in a right relationship with Him as their Redeemer, they would have to live and act as He lives and acts. So, He told them about Himself and said “I am Holy, so you must also be Holy”. This may sound as if it were simply a command for spiritual perfection, but that would be an incorrect understanding. The word holy means many things. It means set apart, or set aside for a specific purpose. It also means to be kept undefiled. Certainly these meanings are congruent with a successful marriage. There are also some important noteworthy characteristics of holiness that are critical in highly successful marriages. God’s unchangeable nature, the fact that He is immutable is a result of His Holiness. Holiness is true. Holiness is faithful. Holiness is unwavering. God is all of these things, and if we are to be in right relationship, with Him, He says we must be these things as well. As God is true to us, we must also be true to Him. As He is faithful to us, we must be faithful to Him. Just as God is unwavering in His devotion to us we also must be unwavering in our devotion to Him. If the marital oneness between a man and a woman is completed by a Holy God, and is the Great Analogy of the relationship that Holy God desires to have with them, then the 3rd Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful marriage is Holiness. Marriages that operate at a high level of success understand that the only way to do so is to operate with an uncommon high level of trust. I know full well that I am not the first to say that trust is key to a great marriage. That insight has likely been expressed as long as there have been those offering advice about what makes a marriage tick. Some might even look at my collection of 7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage and think that trust should have been listed as #1. Correctly placed trust is much more than a high level of confidence. True trust is just that…true. This is because real trust is a two sided coin. On the one side, trust is something we place in someone else. On the other side of the coin, trust is that which has been placed in us. Genuine trust is the relationship between a trustor and a trustee. That being the case, absolute trust is only possible if it cannot fail. It is only obtainable when dealing with someone who is Holy. We know that we can trusty God 100%. God is 100% Holy. He is infallible. He is unchangeable and therefore His word is completely and totally trustworthy. There is nothing that He says that we cannot lean on completely. There is no promise He makes that we cannot trust wholly. The problem we experience in our marriages is that we are not married to someone who is immutable. Human beings have the capacity, and often, seemingly a propensity for failure. Though we are created in God’s image, we are not perfect in all of our ways as He is. The fact of the matter is that as fallible human beings; we can only really know that someone is keeping their word to us if we can watch them do so with our eyes. If that is the case, and our imperfect nature dictates that it is, and if the 3rd Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful marriage is all about trust, then what are we to do? How can we operate within our marriages with a high level of success if we can’t really trust our spouse unless we are actually watching them? That sounds like a discouraging question but it comes with a truly encouraging answer. When God told the Israelite people that they were to be holy as He is Holy, God knew that would only possible for them as a result of the relationship He wanted to have with them. Jesus told us, “There is no good in us”. God is good, but we are evil in and of ourselves. It is only when we invite God to dwell inside us…that we become righteous. God knows that we can only be holy if He indwells us, and so, by saying “I Am Holy, so you must be holy” He was imploring His people to allow Him to come and live with them. Peter wrote of the connection between the Hebrews during their exodus from Egypt and Christians being brought out of slavery to sin. 1 Peter 1:13-16 say this, Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy. Peter was essentially saying that holiness is possible for us because of the redeeming blood of Christ that purchases our freedom from sin. If we have accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, and have invited Him to live in us, we have invited His Holiness to live in and through us. So, Peter says, now we have to live lives on the outside which are congruent with the Holy one who lives on the inside. You might be asking what that has to do with a successful marriage. Everything. As a Christ follower, Christ lives in me. As a Christ follower, Christ indwells my wife also. I am still a fallible human being as is my wife. We both still have the capacity for sin. Our own ability to fail, leaves our 100% value as a trustee in reasonable question. In other words, as I stated before if she cannot see me with her own two eyes, my wife cannot put her absolute trust in me that I will always keep my word. Those who say that they can do this are either; simply fooling themselves, or they already understand that the 3rd Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage is holiness. If trust is critical for a marriage to operate successfully, and it is, and if absolute trust is not something rightly placed in a fallible human being, and it isn’t, then what can we do? Highly successful marriages place their trust in the holiness of their spouse. Where does that holiness originate? With our indwelling God. Highly successful marriages understand that they do not trust their spouse to never fail them, they trust their God who also dwells inside their spouse to never fail them. For this reason, spiritual intimacy within a marriage is crucial. There must be a common understanding that each spouse is giving God the correct place of highest importance in their life. Real trust becomes possible when each spouse can see their counterpart investing heavily in their relationship with God. This necessary component of trust must be built at all costs. No other form of intimacy is more important or should be allowed to supersede the formation of spiritual intimacy in a marriage. How do we build spiritual intimacy? There are a number of ways to do so successfully. Pray together. Worship together. Minister together. Serve God together. Give to God together. Spend time with God together. These are a great start but are not intended to be an exhaustive list. The last of the spiritual intimacy builders I mentioned was saved for last so that I could expound on its incredibly high importance. Each morning my wife Lynn and I spend personal time with the Lord. Some would call that our daily devotional time. It is the time that we each spend reading God’s word, and asking Him to show us new truths that will impact our walk with Him. The twist that makes it a wonderful spiritual intimacy builder for us, is that we do it at the same time each day and though we are reading in different places in the Bible, we are doing so in each other’s presence. We sit down in adjacent chairs in our living room and use the same parcel of time to press into God. I see Lynn investing in her relationship with her Lord. She observes me doing the same thing. It gives us the opportunity for much that is good for us, and our marriage. We can ask questions of each other as we desire the other’s input about that which we have just discovered. We can share with each other things that excite us from God’s word. Most importantly however, it allows us to see with our own eyes that the trust we have placed in the indwelling holiness in our spouse is secure. When you recognize that the 3rd biblical principle of a highly successful marriage is holiness…the only source of real trust, you begin to understand why it is 3rd and not 1st. This principle isn’t possible if we don’t first make sure of our spiritual compatibility and second, understand that our marriages are more about our relationship with God than they are about our relationship with our spouse. So now, trusting completely in the God who dwells in your spouse, and doing everything possible to build the spiritual intimacy in your marriage…go be awesome!
7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage - Principle #1 - Compatibility
July 25, 2023 • Pastor Ken Brown Jr • Genesis 1:26–27, Genesis 2:23–24
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage. - https://crossroadcc.us/click-to-listen This year I have chosen to offer my Monday Marriage Message podcast in a series format. We have thus far completed a series on Ephesians 5:21-33, and have just completed a series on Marriage and divorce. Though each of these have been expository teaching systematically working through various passages of scripture, my next series is going to follow more of an episodic nature. I am entitling the series 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage, and though each entry will cover an individual principle and its supporting scriptures, each will also contribute to the overall theme. I am looking forward to it this new series, so let’s begin. I have used several past episodes presenting the truth that God created marriage for the purpose of reflecting Himself, so I won’t take the time now to repeat that teaching. However, I do think it is important to re-register the principle facts that support that theological position. · God created mankind to reflect His image and likeness. (Genesis 1:26) · God created humankind, male and female. (Genesis 1:27) · God identified that man alone is in a state of incomplete ability to reflect the image and likeness of God entirely. (Genesis 2:18) · Woman was created to perfectly complement the man that together they might be equipped to fulfill their stated purpose of reflecting God. (Genesis 2:21-22) · The man made note of the fact that he and the woman were created “One flesh” a term endorsed by God to describe those who are married. (Genesis 2:23) · The union and relationship of man and woman in their ‘One flesh’ condition is reflective of the inseparable unity of the trinity which created them. (Genesis 1:26-27, 2:23-24) · Following Adam and Eve, God decided to mysteriously and miraculously “Join” men and women in marriage and recreate of them a “One flesh” condition like that experienced in the original union. (Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:31-32, Matthew 19:4-6, Mark 10:7-9) · The primary purpose of marriage noted by the Creator and Author of the institution is to reflect God and that same purpose has been expressly continued in every marriage from Adam and Eve to the present. (Genesis 2:24) If you desire to have a fuller understanding of this teaching it is available in past episodes of this podcast entitled The Oneness Factor, posted Aug 9, 2021 or Marital Conflict #1 What is the Purpose of Marriage? released Aug 8, 2022. A prerequisite understanding of this foundational concept is important to the series we are now beginning, so if you are not familiar with it I hope you will take the time to listen to one or both of the episodes I just mentioned. With that I want to begin with the first of our 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage. Principle #1 – Compatibility - In order to enjoy a highly successful marriage a couple must be compatible. In our western society we place a high level of importance on compatibility in marriage. Most dating websites and Apps garner a great deal of information about a person’s likes and dislikes, habits, beliefs, and personality traits in an attempt to be able to match the user with another with whom they will be compatible. In my practice as a marriage counselor when I am offering pre-marital counseling I ask each couple why they have decided to marry. Almost everyone gives me some form of answer that indicates they find themselves compatible. Usually it is the female who will tell me how they share the same interests, or they like to do the same things. I often hear that they feel that they are complete when they are together. As I said these thoughts are most often shared with me by the woman who is the relational thinker of the duo, the man, compartmentalized in his thinking, understands it is in his best interest to agree with her in that moment though I know that if forced to answer prior to her, he would likely say something much more succinct about his thoughts on their compatibility. He would be much more likely to utter something along the lines of, “We love each other and want to spend our lives together”. Though we do place a high degree of importance on compatibility in our culture, our compatibility markers are not the same as the one from Gods word that I want to look at today. Throughout the bible, and even in some cultures today, marriages were and still are arranged by the parents, sometimes without the intended spouses having ever met. Biblically speaking the marriage between Isaac and Rebecca comes to mind. You can read about that in Genesis chapter 24. There was no indicator of their compatibility except that of prayer offered and answered. God had been petitioned to direct Abraham’s servant to the woman who was to become Isaac’s wife. God answered that prayer very specifically in the exact way that was requested leaving no doubt as to whom God’s choice for Isaac was. The scripture actually states that by this sign, a willingness to draw water not only for the him but also for His compliment of camels, Abraham’s servant knew that the woman who made the offer was the one appointed by God. This is not a facet of compatibility that should be ignored. I often suggest to teens and young adults that they should be praying for God’s direction to the spouse He desires them to join into covenant with. If we expect and believe that God cares about us enough to meet our needs and we ask Him as our Jehovah Jireh (God our provider) to do so, why would we think we could not or should not ask Him to lead us to our spouse? If marriage is the joining of a man and a woman for the purpose of reflecting God, logic alone would dictate that God would be incredibly interested in pairing us with the best person to compliment us in the fulfillment of that endeavor. However, there is another compatibility factor stated in God’s word in no uncertain terms. It is found in the scripture that I want to focus on today, 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? This short verse speaks volumes about the necessity of compatibility for a highly successful marriage. I have made the following statement many times before. Marriage is a spiritual experience lived out in the physical realm, therefore, it is governed by spiritual principles – not natural ones. Last year in this podcast, I spent several weeks on another series I called Marital Conflict - Worldly Wisdom vs Wordly Wisdom. In that series I pointed out some of the spiritual principles that dictate the marriage experience. Marriage is indeed a spiritual experience. It was instituted by God, the supreme spiritual authority. According to Genesis 2:24 each marriage subsequent to Adam and Eve’s literal physical “One flesh” merger, is a recreation of that original union. Jesus stated in Mathew 19:4-6 and Mark 10:7-9 that this redevelopment of the original is accomplished by God alone, and is intended to be respected as an act of God not to undone by mere men. Paul went on to write in Ephesians 5:32 that this “one flesh” condition is still mysteriously or miraculously taking place in the present and is the handiwork of God. Marriage is a spiritual experience indeed. Marriage is a spiritual experience – lived out in the physical realm, therefore, it is governed by spiritual principles – not natural ones. When Adam and Eve were married it was the result of their creation. On the 6th day God created both Adam and Eve. We don’t know how long it was that Adam was on scene without his counterpart, we only know it was not more than 24 hours. I don’t have the time to lay it all out here today but there is considerable evidence that each of the days of creation were in fact 24 hour periods of time. When Eve was taken out of Adam and presented to him, Adam announced that they were “One flesh” (Genesis 2:21-23). Eve was created from Adam’s flesh and bone. Their marriage was the prototype; and yet also unique. They were literally living in a “one flesh” condition. Their marriage was created by God just as yours and mine were, but theirs was not only a spiritual experience it contained a true physical component to it as well. We live out our spiritual experience of marriage in the physical realm. In other words, a husband and wife in the physical realm are two individual human beings, but they are intended to honor the fact that God has joined them and made of them one thing – their “One flesh” condition…their marriage. Jesus said “And so, they are no longer two - but one flesh, what God has joined together let not man take apart”. Since marriage is a spiritual condition established by God it is a Holy creation. What is holy is pure and righteous. As Christ followers, we have been made righteous by the purifying blood of Jesus Christ. (Romans 3:21) This righteousness imparted to us is supposed to have a purifying effect on our lives. As we become aware of the impurities in our lives we are to repent and turn from them. It is God’s desire that we choose to love Him more than our fleshly passions. Therefore, when we ask Him in marriage to join us inextricably with another, it is crucial that we ask Him to join us with one who is also made righteous by Him, being perfected by Him, through the redemptive work of His Holy Spirit. Why? Let’s look at 2 Corinthians 6:14 again…For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? Holiness is pure, it becomes perverted if lawlessness is invited to mix with righteousness. Darkness isn’t at all compatible with light. Even a little unrighteousness cannot be tolerable by righteousness. [Allow me to illustrate – warning, a graphic gross illustration is about to happen…if you have a weak stomach you may want to stop listening now.] After a big holiday dinner, the trash can is often full of waste from preparing the meal. Hours later when it is removed from the house, at the bottom of the bag is a collection of “juice” that has been released from the various ingredients used to prepare the previously enjoyed feast. 4 or 5 days later when the trash is collected, that “juice” is rotted and disgusting, just as sin is in comparison to holiness. How many drops of that unholy garbage can “juice” would you allow to be put into a glass of pure water that you were supposed to drink and then proclaim how wonderful and refreshing the water was? I hope none! So it is to be in our marriages. We are to reject the idea of being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Righteousness is not compatible with lawlessness and light is not compatible with darkness. Does this mean that if you have joined yourself with Christ, that you must now turn your back on your unbelieving spouse? Of course not! The Apostle Paul was clear that if faced with that situation the Christ following spouse is to remain in the union and act in accordance with God’s design for marriage. Paul reminds us that it may be through the righteous action of a believing spouse that the unbelieving one comes to be saved. Only if the non-Christian spouse is unwilling to remain in the marriage because of their spouse’s commitment to Christ, and the unbeliever chooses to leave does Paul say that the Christian spouse is free. (1 Corinthians 7:10-16) Compatibility is key to marriage, it is of the utmost importance that we be very careful to ask God to join us with other believers only. As far as I am concerned it is the 1st of the 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage. So now, looking to the unity you have with Jesus to increase the compatibility you have with your spouse…Go be Awesome!