Painful experiences cause us to question God--and He understands this. Questions are good and necessary. ASK JESUS YOUR QUESTIONS. He is Emmanuel--God WITH us. You are not in a void searching blindly for Him; you are already IN His presence. There is nothing apart from Him.
Anything that doesn't align with who He is--the living, complete explanation of God--needs to be deconstructed and restored to His design. Deconstruction of belief apart from consistent encounter with Jesus is the door to apostasy. Jesus is the ultimate, accurate deconstruction.