THE NEWS, Pt. I

TOWN MAN:
Have you heard the news?
Caesar Augustus decreed a census.
(ALL: Bad luck, bad luck, bad luck, bad luck, bad luck)
Now there’s one family in particular
That I feel particularly sympathetic for
And that’s Mary and Joseph and their firstborn baby-to-be
See, Joseph’s from the line of David, right?
And that means he’s gotta go to Bethlehem
(The city of David!)
(Ten points to Captain Obvious!)
Settle down, settle down.

Now the journey before our young couple
Is a short jaunt of ninety miles through the forests by the Jordan and the Judean desert
In the rain and the wind and the cold.
To make it more int’resting factor in the bandits and robbers
Who frequent the trade routes they’ll travel.
And last but not least there’s the beasts to beware
Like the lions and the boars and the bears— (Oh my!)

Oh my is right! I can only hope they manage to stay warm at night
And keep the end in sight
through biting chill and waning light, it’s quite a plight
(And Mary so close to giving birth!) That’s right!

They gotta pray they get their first
Or they’ll be stoppin’ and droppin’
And Mary’s poppin’ right there on the side of the road
(Will it come to that?) Who knows? I suppose we’ll find out soon.

JOSEPH:
How’s that for a honeymoon?
I put my wife on a donkey loaded up with all we own
MARY:
It’s not a lot—
JOSEPH:
No it’s not, but it’s the most we have to show for our work.
MARY:
Considering the circumstances, maybe that’s a good thing.
JOSEPH:
You always see the silver lining.
MARY:
Oh, and one more thing—
JOSEPH:
What’s that?
MARY:
Joseph, wherever we end up I know that we’ll end up alright in the end—
JOSEPH:
Amen—Honestly I don’t deserve such a faithful and faith-filled best friend; you deserve more than I can afford to provide for you—
MARY:
Joseph don’t say that, you know that God called us to follow whatever the cost to our comfort and safety but I believe He is our comforter now and we’re safest when we are with Him.

JOSEPH:
Seriously… How did I get to be so lucky?
MARY:
Luck had nothing to do with it.

TOWN MAN:
Awww, now isn’t that just the sweetest?
It kinda makes you hate elitist Rome all the more
For uprooting poor folk to move all we own across miles of dangerous wilderness.
This census incenses us sensible simpletons spending the cents and expending the sweat of our struggles in ceaseless insistence on settling in to live simple existences—isn’t that so?
JOSEPH:
Yo! Could you keep it down? We’ve trying to pray before we up and leave town.
TOWN MAN:
My bad, my bad, you had me at“pray”
Have a nice trip and a nice stay in the city of David
JOSEPH:
Okay! Mary—let’s be on our way.
TOWN MAN:
May God guide you along the way.