The stakes couldn’t be higher. On the heels of Absalom’s rebellion, Sheba blew his horn and said, “We have no share in David. Every man to his tents, O Israel!” So the men of Israel deserted David and followed Sheba. Joab and his brother Abishai went in pursuit of this troublemaker. Meanwhile, Sheba gathered members of his own clan and they entered the city of Abel. When Joab and the army arrived, they built a siege ramp and began battering down the wall. Just then a wise woman called down to Joab.

“Are you Joab?” “I am,” he answered. She said, “Listen to what your servant has to say.” “I’m listening,” he said.” (2 Samuel 20:17, NIV84)

Joab would have destroyed the city to get Sheba. He probably assumed that they were protecting the rebel. But the people in the city did not know that this man among them was leading a rebellion against King David. Each side did not understand the other one. They needed to communicate.

Communication (or the lack of it) is at the core of every relationship problem. This wise woman took the time to explain to Joab that they were a peaceful and faithful city in Israel. They were known for their wise counsel. Joab explained that Sheba was a rebel. If the people of the city handed him over, then David’s army would break off the attack. The wise woman replied, “His head will be thrown to you from the wall.” (You’ve got to love this woman!) The next thing that Joab saw was Sheba’s head flying over the wall and landing at his feet. Game over.

How many of our relationship problems could be solved by simply seeking to understand the other side? No wonder we are encouraged to pursue peace with all people (Hebrews 12:14) and to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). May God give us humility and grace to communicate and understand others more than we seek to be understood.