“He said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.’” (Matthew 19:8, NKJV)

The Pharisees came to test Jesus by asking Him a question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” They thought they had Jesus over a barrel, because no matter how He answered, He would offend someone. You see, there were two schools of thought concerning divorce. One said you could divorce your wife for any reason. If she didn’t cook your breakfast to your satisfaction, you could write her a certificate of divorce. The other school said that you could only divorce her for infidelity. The Pharisees loved to argue, and they wanted to pull Jesus into the controversy.

Jesus did not answer their question directly but went back to the beginning when God created Adam and Eve and brought them together as one.

“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6, NKJV)

The Pharisees objected, citing the commandment Moses gave in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. But Jesus said that Moses only permitted them to divorce their wives because of the hardness of their hearts. Their casual view of the sacred covenant of marriage caused people to commit adultery.

Now the point I feel led to make this morning is the danger of hardening our hearts. When the heart hardens toward anyone, it is the death of the relationship. Why do we do this? Because after repeated attempts of confrontation and resolution, we become convinced that the other person will never change, so we quit trying to save the relationship. When this happens in marriage, we conclude that divorce is the only option. But is it really the only option? Isn’t it better to ask God to soften our hearts? Isn’t it better to humble ourselves and confess where we have fallen short of loving as Christ loves? Can we not recall a hundred times when we chose to love self rather than to love our spouse? If hardening the heart destroys a relationship, then softening the heart can restore it.

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” (Ezekiel 36:26, NLT)