"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3

Conflict. Ugh! It can tie my stomach in knots just thinking about it. I have experienced more of it in my lifetime than I care to admit.

Some conflict can seem innocuous. Growing up the conflict seemed mild. There were disagreements with my siblings. Who would get to ride in the front seat or, when we got into high school, who would get to drive the car to school. In college there were disagreements over whether or not my roommate and I would study in silence or with music blaring. New friendships caused us to navigate new ideas and ways of thinking. The world of work brought conflicts over whether or not the team would go with Plan A or Plan B. Adulthood also opened the door for deeper avenues of conflict~ over moral, ethical, political or spiritual issues.

For several years, I naively thought our family and our church were places where conflict didn’t surface. I thought peace reigned supreme. Perhaps it did, but I think rather I was wearing rose colored glasses. In the early 2000’s, I, along with several others, faced some of the most difficult relations conflicts I’ve ever faced to this day, and I’m sad to say that it was within the walls of the church, and members of our own family. The specific circumstances don’t matter, but this experience with relational discord took me down hard. There were dark days and years that followed, and it’s only through God’s grace and mercy that I’ve worked through a lot of that.

Now, years later, as the Holy Spirit has worked in my life, guess what? If I reflect on my experiences honestly, I have to take some ownership for the lack of relational peace in several of those situations. God calls us in His word to live in relational peace. To keep the unity of the Spirit. How? By being humble and gentle. In reflection, this was not always my reaction.

The Greek word for humble in vs. 2 is tapeinophrosunes, or humility of mind. When we are being humble we are letting our egos go.

OUCH! It’s hard to think of ourselves as being egotistical. Yet, oftentimes in conflict we think we know best. We may find ourselves fearful of changing what we know or believe. We may want to retain control over a situation or people. It’s our pride that is getting in the way.

When our pride takes over we tend to focus on our “rightness”. It can make it much harder to be patient when others think or act differently from us. Loving others becomes harder because sometimes, whether we realize it or not, we categorize them as not being worthy of our love. A prideful heart finds it hard to see others as Christ’s image bearers. We tend to react quickly and often in an unkind manner when we are operating under the influence of our pride and not the mind of Christ and power of the Holy Spirit. We easily love those that we agree with, or side with, or can control~ but it’s much harder to love those who think, act or believe differently from us.

Mary speaks to this thought in her Magnificat in Luke 1: 51b-52 “...he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their throne but has lifted up the humble.” As we reflect on the Christmas story and Mary’s humble heart, imagine if she hadn’t acted in a manner of humility. If Mary’s ego had gotten in the way this story could have taken a whole different turn.

God wants us to make every effort to live in peace with those around us. Not just a little effort, not just some effort. Every effort. Not just in this season of peace, but in every season.

Written by Lorinda Allen