The home is meant to be a fortress. A fortress is built for separation and for safety. To keep those who are inside safe and to keep those who are outside out. Much like a marriage. And God has given us divine direction as to how to fortify your own marriage. Six verses for the wife, one verse for the husband, ha! But for your husbands, the single most powerful verse for you is to love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her…and here in 1 Peter 3, we get the details as to how…
1 Peter Chapter 3 Verse 7
• Peter started out his admonition to the wives and to the husbands with the same style, tone and word...see it right there in the beginning of Verse 7? “Likewise!” (Let me say it like this today, “Likewives.” This is powerful direction for your husbands because I know you need it simple and clear.) The best way to support someone who is trying to do the right thing (and the right thing by you) is to do the same for them. Did you know that? Seems so obvious and so simple but by the way I act sometimes, I don’t know if I even know this!
• And this is extra important in a marriage, but also keenly true and consistent in ministry, in a team environment, with your kids, at work, across the board! Guys, I’m gonna get after you a bit today but it’s all for your own good and this one is key. Go back and read verses 1 through 6.
• Which of us husbands in here don’t want a wife that with some passion and fervor (like she wants to do it) is honorably supportive? (I’d say submissive but guys you already know that’s what I mean and I’m trying to stay on the good side of the ladies. HA!) Back to verses 1 through 6...
• Which one of you husbands doesn’t want a wife that is so soft, gentle and kind to you but a boss in the world and you know it, that she wins you every day with how good she is to you? Which one of you husbands doesn’t want a woman that’s beautiful in looks but gorgeous in heart? Guys, which of you doesn’t want a wife that gives you what you don’t deserve just as Sarah called her husband Lord?
• I mean, I’m writing the resume of the perfect wife. Let me help you guys. Likewise. If you would love all of these things from your wives, husbands...likewise. The best way to support someone who is trying to do the right thing is to do the right thing right along with them...and in the case of the husband...do it first.
• Now, Peter is going to get specific here in some things that are just for you...but all of the things we have read about wives, guys...they’re for you too. Honorably support your wife with passion and fervor. Like make it your heart’s desire to do so so that she will think you want to! There’s the first difficulty and difference right there and honestly this one I have a bit of beef with my heavenly Father about!
• Wives, you can tell your husbands that you honor them and that you support them and believe in them and their hearts burn abright with heaven’s fire! That second....but...guys, you tell your wife that and what do you get? Mmmmm Hmmmmm! HA! They wanna see it! They want the actions more than the words and so you have to do some heart work before you go and tell her that you’re there to support her...you actually have to want to! HA! Guys, I’m speaking right to you today...I know! HA! You know exactly what I’m talking about! HA!
• But husbands, LIKEWIVES! Honorably support her and conduct yourselves with some respect. That’s the second one. Can you or have you or do you win your wife with your chaste conduct accompanied by fear? Man, let’s be real...the majority of you husbands probably don’t hold back at all any type of gas out of any type of exit in front of your wives....and then you get all uppity when she doesn’t have king-like respect for you?! COME ON! (Guys, I’m trying to help here)
• What ever happened to chivalry? Opening the doors for our wives? Waiting to eat until they have their food? Letting them order first, always! Telling them with every outfit that they look pretty! This is easy stuff guys with ginormous ROIs!
• Husbands, likewise! I know you have style. Nike, Under Armor, Vans...wearing that fly JCPenney suit...looking nice...oh man, I’m describing my closet, but guys, if you want to admire the inner beauty of your wife...like you want a wife like that...how’s your inner beauty? Ha, odd way to say it for a man. But what Peter says is absolutely appropriate for a husband too.
• He said in verse 4, “Let your inner beauty be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” This is a huge “husbands, likewise” moment. The strongest of men work the most on their inner man... And a gentle and quiet spirit...let me tell you, those were always the most feared competitors.
• Very precious in the sight of God. Very. Think about David. Could have killed Saul countless times. Could have destroyed him and put him and his entire family to an open shame. But instead, he committed himself to God, crying out that he couldn’t lay a hand against the Lord’s anointed. Think about Jesus, who like a sheep before its shearer, when He was accused, opened not His mouth...
• Husbands, you need to work on the inner man. Gentle and quiet and chaste and full of fear for the Lord. Being the husband that she deserves will enable her to be the wife that God has purposed for her to be. And then finally, one more likewives before we get into specifics that are only for you husbands, offer her what she doesn’t necessarily deserve.
• Huge heart work has to happen here. This one is all about the inner man... because men are stuck on justice...stuck on right/wrong...but in the home, throw that all away. If it’s wrong to shower her with affection, do it. If it’s wrong to give her grace because she hasn’t learned her lesson, do it. If it’s wrong to side with her and agree with her because she is just in her emotions and not thinking rationally...do it. Take up your own cross even for your wife...Give her what God has given to you....so much, actually everything, that you don’t deserve and frankly never will!
• So, you want this wife? You want to be honored, loved, admired, adored, looked to for leadership....? This is how we do it (Montel!)! Likewise likewives!!! God gave it to us and man is this counter-cultural, counter-intuitive, counter to our sinful nature...but think about it, really think about it...makes total sense and is so practically simple. If you want to enable, support and encourage someone trying to do the right thing, do the right thing right alongside them!
• Take that. Take what I just taught and stop rejecting it...embrace it....and in 6 months...because women need to see action...I bet you’ll be singing the praises of your wife! Talking about...that’s my proverbs 31 woman! No, you just became a Christ-like husband, brother!
• Now the five pillars that Peter gives us specifically for husbands. First up, dwell with them. Be there. Be present. Make it a mental priority to make it very clear that you are there with them and that with them, you are home. Don’t just share a house, seek oneness with her. Discover who she is, what she likes, how she thinks… A survey taken found that over 80% of husbands don’t know their wife’s favorite activity! Can you even tell me today your wife’s favorite color? And you are to love your wife as you love yourself! See where the problem is, guys…its with us! You gotta learn her and seek unity with her! Dwell with her!
• This means you have to set aside the FACT that you are always right! HA! If you are always right and always teaching and always lecturing and always correcting, if that’s how you’re looked at, then you are NEVER dwelling with her. You can have control or you can have connection, but you can never have both.
• The Greek word speaks of being in sync. That means take all of her flaws, all of her unlike-you-isms…accept them, embrace them, love them and dwell with her. Make a home for God’s daughter!
• And Peter says to do this with understanding. Why would he say that? Because you ARE NOT GOING TO UNDERSTAND her naturally! HA! The only way to do this is to seek to understand...setting yourself aside and care more about how she is feeling and what she is thinking and how she is seeing the world than you do about your own perspective...
• Third, give her honor. Not if she earns it, not when she deserves it, not when she is worthy of it...the word is give not award. We honor those we don’t know so easily, and the fastest way to turn your wife’s heart from you and hurt her is to give honor to someone else and then come home and make her earn it...
• Fourth, as to the weaker vessel. Now, look, many pastors teach that this is here because men are physically stronger than women...and as a whole, that may be true, but I definitely know some men that are physically weaker than their wives, HA! SO, what’s going on here...
• Let me be very clear, there is no sexual hierarchy in the spiritual realm whatsoever. We share together absolutely equally in the things of the Lord. Galatians 3:28 says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” We all come the same way, to the same Jesus, to receive the same grace.
• So, what is Peter talking about? Entirely, totally, completely, your approach to your wife. Peter says as to the weaker vessel...not as the weaker vessel. We are to give her preference, treat her with respect, treat her with care, again, make a home for her....and if you wanna be her super macho tough impressive man, then treat her softly... Approach her as your superior in preference and as your object of service in care...
• Finally, as being heirs together of the grace of life...she is the daughter of the King before she is your wife. Forget that for the moment and you fail as a husband in that moment. She belongs to Him and has been entrusted to you...and you better treat my daughter right or I will find you...how much more our Heavenly Father!?
• That your prayers may not be hindered. If you ignore these things, don’t care about these things or don’t think these things are important then you have no clue truly what’s been done for you and how the Lord loves you...so yea, your relationship with God is definitely hindered.
• All of these things, for all of us, Christ has done and then even more. The King of Kings and Lord of Lords, because of the predicament you and I were in, stepped out of His place and dwelt among us...John 1:14, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.”
• He chose to live and to seek understanding of our trials...30 years Jesus lived without formal ministry, just being human to the point that Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.”
• He gave the greatest honor of all to His bride in that He laid down His life to secure her to Himself (while we were still in our sin)... Ephesians 5:27, “That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” To go and prepare a place for us...making a home for us...
• He approached even you and I as the weaker vessel and gave us preference and handled us with gentleness and service and created the circumstance and opportunity that together with Christ we can and many are today fellow heirs of the grace of eternal life...Romans 8:17, “Heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ...”
• So how to be a Godly husband...love your wives as Christ has loved the church...how? 1 Peter 3:7 (which never once mentions the word, “love”), dwell with your wife, seek understanding over even right/wrong, give her honor, approach her with kindness, gentleness and preference, make a home with you for the daughter of the King of Kings...and in that, look to the Lord who will enable you, teach you, sustain you...and guy...REWARD you....
• Likewives…easy button, do for her what you wish she would do for you…and God will reward your Christ-likeness… To enable, support and encourage someone who is trying to do the right thing…do the right thing right along with them and build your fortress!