Rachael Nathaniel-Pascal
December 17, 2021 • Rachael Nathaniel-Pascal
2015 proved to be a very trying year for me for many reasons. Among them was the end of a 5-year relationship. The guy I was dating was unsaved and although he would come to church with me occasionally, he never had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and without God at the centre of our relationship it was already destined for failure. It is so important to find someone who has a genuine heart for God and His kingdom, and who loves God more than they love you. It is only when our internal compass is pointing to the One who created us and loved us before we were born, do we learn and understand what love truly is, and how to love one another.
Shortly after the relationship ended I was diagnosed with an incurable sexually transmitted disease (July 2015 - See results below). I cannot begin to describe the shock and horror that had fallen on me; the shame and guilt. How could this have happened to me? Well, I knew the answer to this question. My lifestyle choices were not in line with God’s word, and although I was in a committed relationship, it did not justify the fact that I was not walking in obedience to what God has laid out for us. A million questions flooded my mind as my thoughts consumed me. Who would ever accept me in their life now? Who could ever love someone with this? What will become of my hopes of having a family of my own? Life had changed overnight for me. It all seemed like a terrible nightmare. There had to be a mistake.
A month later (August 2015) I retested, praying to God the results would be different, but the second results only confirmed what was found in the first blood test (See results below). In fact, the disease showed up higher in my system on the second test! At this point I gave up. I figured it was my burden to bear for the choices I had made in life, and I thanked God for all of it because there had been some good things that came out of everything I had been through. We should always thank God for the small blessings, regardless.
I never gave this disease ownership or power in my life. I never walked around feeling sorry for myself. In fact, if ever it crossed my mind, or I had to speak about it, there would always be a few seconds before it registered that I was speaking of myself. I just left it where it was, never claiming it or associating with it. As the months passed life continued and I kept growing with God, drawing closer to Him and seeking Him more. My prayer to God would always be for Him to use me in any way He wanted to glorify His name – whatever condition or situation. I began talking more to my family members and co-workers about God’s mighty power and His awesome love for us, about having faith, about reaching out and believing in God’s healing power. It wasn’t until August 2016, just over a year after my first diagnosis, that I was forced to remember my condition and to talk in depth about it, reliving the ordeal I faced in 2015. It was at this point that my prayer to God was brought back to me, ‘Lord, use me, give me anything to glorify your name’. I already had something, and I never did anything with it. Here I was talking to everyone about their healing but I never applied it to my own life. I immediately began to apologize to God and sought Him out more.
