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#579 - Empowered and Transformed through Faith | Hope for Hurting Wives
April 29, 2024
For the past 8 weeks we’ve been offering wives a solid, weighty hope. It's a hope that can say “No matter what I’m facing, God is good. And no matter what it seems like now, I will go through this in faith so that I can become more like Jesus.” This is true hope, because we believe that everything we go through can be used by God to bring forth lasting, indestructible fruit. This is the final episode in our "Hope for Hurting Wives" series with Kathy Gallagher. Thanks for listening!
Timeless Truths: God Must Be First in Our Hearts and Lives
April 25, 2024
When we allow something to become more important to us than the Lord, it has become an idol. In this "Timeless Truths" segment from our archives, Jeff & Rose Colón talk to couples about making sure that the Lord is first in their hearts and lives. Host: Jeff and Rose Colón have joined us in the studio. It's good to see you again. Jeff & Rose: Good to see you. Host: Thank you for coming in and talking with us. We want to talk today about spousal idolatry. We use the term idolatry a lot in our everyday topics here at Pure Life. Could you kind of give our listeners an idea of what idolatry truly is? Jeff: Well, I've heard it said like this: An idol is something that we consistently make equal to or more important than God in our attention and desire. Maybe we just talk about it all the time. Or we're very devoted to it. Or we make choices that revolve around it. It's just something in our lives that has become more important to us than God. Host: So, it could be anything. It doesn't necessarily have to be something bad. Jeff: No. Absolutely. Host: So, how does someone know if he or she has made their spouse an idol in their heart? Jeff: Well, there's some telltale signs that people can see if they look inside themselves. They can ask themselves, “What is it that I really adore? What is it that I really put my hope in? What is it that I really look forward to? What is it that I really make sacrifices for in my life? What is the most prevalent topic that I tend to talk about? What do I look for my peace in? Where do I look for my meaning and my happiness? Am I looking to my spouse to make me happy? There are a lot of telltale signs that will show us if something is really an idol in our hearts. Host: Rose, when you're looking at the wife in a marriage, what are some of the ways as a counselor that you might see how a wife has made an idol of her husband? Rose: One of the ways that I've seen this manifest is when a wife is being consumed with her husband as far as what he's doing and what he's not doing. She is looking to see if he's spending time with the Lord or if he's not spending time with the Lord. She constantly wants to know if he's pressing into God the way he's supposed to be pressing into Him. Ultimately the focus for this wife is just the husband. She's made the husband out bigger than God is and because of that God is very small in her world. She's just consumed with her husband. An example I can give from my own life is when my husband was in his sin. I was consumed with how he was doing and what he was doing. I was consumed all day wondering if he was going to be acting out and because of that I wasn't focused on my own walk with the Lord or even my own responsibilities. So, what I've seen in my personal life and in counseling women is that when the husband becomes an all-consuming object, then it starts affecting a wife’s relationship with the Lord. But then too it affects how she acts and responds toward her husband. Host: So, you're not saying that a wife shouldn't care about her husband and that she should never think about her husband. It's really a matter of balance. Rose: Right. It is a matter of balance because it's okay to wonder how my husband is doing. But to be wondering how he is doing 24/7 to the point where you’re anxious and worried inside your heart, that's where you are crossing a line because you’re not trusting the Lord with your husband. Host: Jeff, when a husband or a wife has made an idol of their spouse, how do they begin to deal with that? If they've recognized it, then what are the steps they need to take to deal with it? Jeff: Well, first of all, they need to understand that from the Word of God,we're told that God will have no other gods before Him. He's a jealous God. He longs for the attention that we give to other things, because He desires to have a relationship with us and He wants us all to Himself. That should be our desire as well because He is what we ultimately need. He created us to have fellowship with Him and to be satisfied by Him and He knows that when we look to other things then we're not going to be fulfilled. He ultimately just wants to bless us and give us what we ultimately need. So, He encourages us in His Word to turn away from worthless things, to turn away from things that won't satisfy and to seek Him diligently and to make Him the all engrossing object of our lives. He doesn’t have a vain desire for us to fall at His feet, selfishly needing that worship. It’s because we were created by Him and for Him. We were created to have fellowship with Him and He wants that fellowship with us. So, it displeases Him when we look to other things. So, a husband or wife needs to understand that when they are idolizing their spouse, they are giving an amount of attention to someone else that only God should be receiving from them. And if the Lord is not first in their lives, then they're not going to be able to fulfill His purpose and plan for their lives. Host: Well, is it too strong of a statement to say that if this is the reality that a person is living in then they're in sin and they need to repent? Jeff: Absolutely. Because sin is missing the mark. And if God is not who we are focusing on then we're missing the mark. One of the main aspects of sin is going around God to get what we want. So, God must be at the center of the marriage. And if both spouses don't have Him as their first source or their first object of desire, they are going to be off track and they are not going to be in the will of God. Rose: Also, in 1 John, John tells us to keep ourselves from idols. And when you read that command in light of marriage you will see that there's something that you need to do to make sure that you are not allowing your spouse to become an idol in your heart. We need to always be checking our hearts to make sure that God is bigger than our spouse. He's able to keep our spouses. He's able to watch over our spouses. I don't have to be worrying 24/7 about what my husband is doing because our God is bigger than that. When we start worrying and fretting that just reveals that something is not right in our heart and it's usually the tendency of making our spouse an idol. Host: What are some of the practical things that either a couple can do together or the spouse can do in their own walk to overcome spousal idolatry? Jeff: Well, I know for myself that if I have something in my life that is taking my attention away from where it needs to be, I need to start making choices to get my focus where it needs to be. The Bible commands us to set our minds on the things above and not the things of the earth. And we just need to rein in our thoughts and our feelings, and we need to start going to the throne of grace which is where we'll get what we need. We need to start getting in the Word of God. We need to start seeking God more on a daily basis. The more time we start spending with God and the more time we start choosing to make Him the first thing that we're pursuing, He's going to automatically balance things out and then we're going to start seeing things right. And we're going to start to see our spouse in the right perspective. What spouses don't realize is that when God is first and when you're in a right relationship with Him, you're going to be able to fulfill your role as a husband or a wife the way God designed you to because things are going to be in their proper order. Host: Rose, how often have you seen in counseling where the spouse who has been in idolatry begins to let go of their idolatry and then a lot of issues and problems that were coming up in the marriage kind of begin to take care of themselves. Rose: Yeah. Those problems do begin to fall by the wayside because the focus is off the other spouse and they're focusing more on the Lord and what the Lord wants to be to them and that they were created for Him first and for His purposes. So, the focus really gets off of self or their spouse and it starts to get more on the Lord. And as that happens, you become freer, and you have more peace inside and you're able to be a blessing. Instead of looking to get something from the other person, you're just looking to give and be a blessing to them.
#578 - You Cannot Live Without God's Word | Hope for Hurting Wives
April 22, 2024
In the midst of trials, we need a place to turn to for comfort, help and answers. And when we turn to the Word of God, we find a source of eternal truth. But more than that, we find something that can go inside of us and make us into new creations. In Episode 8 of the "Hope for Hurting Wives" series, Kathy Gallagher talks about the incredible power of the Word of God, and why hurting wives should cherish it as their very life.
Timeless Truths: A Changed Heart will Bear Obvious Fruit
April 18, 2024
In this "Timeless Truths" segment from our archives, counselor Judy Lucas gives some guidance to a woman who wants to know if her fiancé has truly repented of sexual sin. Host: Judy, we want to tackle a question here from a woman that is considering marrying a man. He has confided in her letting her know that he spent five years addicted to pornography, but he does not currently have any desire to go back to sexual sin. He apparently has had some period of freedom. He did acknowledge to her that he only struggles with images when he brings them up in his mind. She wants to marry him, but she doesn't want to marry someone involved in pornography. How should she be looking at the situation? Judy: Well, one thing I would definitely tell her is that it’s a really good thing that she can thank the Lord for that he is willing to be honest and walk in the light about his past involvement in sexual sin and that he is honest about his current struggles. There are too many men on the other side of the fence where they are hiding and lying. So, it is a very good thing that he is willing to tell on himself. Another question that we hear all the time from women who are either dating or married to guys that have a past of viewing pornography is, “How do I know that he's not going to do this again?” And the honest truth is that it is hard to know. I can't give them full assurance that the man will never go back to his sin. There are many things we don't know about this relationship. How long have they been seeing each other? How long has she known him? What's been his track record? One thing I do want to encourage any woman to do when dating is to not be in a hurry to get married. Instead, she should begin to pay attention to his lifestyle a bit. What is some of the fruit he displays in his life? What do his daily activities look like? Does he seem to have a strong relationship with the Lord? Is he in the word? Is he in prayer? Does he spend time at church? Is he serving others in a selfless manner? Or is he in to things that would raise up red flags? I would even ask her about what her relationship with this guy looks like. Are they walking in purity, or is he making suggestions to cross lines into sexual intimacy? There are a lot of things to process and think about. The main thing she should be doing is praying and seeking the Lord for direction. She should maybe even be talking with her pastor to get some wise counsel along the way too. Host: We do need to add as an encouragement that God can keep a man that is truly repentant and who’s desire truly is to not to go back to his sin safe in His hand. Judy: Yes, He can. There's a lot of wonderful Scripture that talks about how the Lord will keep you. He gives us the Holy Spirit to bring the conviction that keeps us on the narrow way. The other thing is that when a guy looks at pornography, those images are imprinted in his brain and it's a continual battle for that man. So, I'm sure that the enemy does come to bring those images back to mind. But also, there is the reality of the power of God to transform the human mind. That transforming power comes slowly over time as he spends time in the Word. The Holy Spirit begins to renew the mind and wash out those images. He begins to replace those images with who God is and the things of God. It's like the washing out of the old junk and bringing something brand new and beautiful to think about. One last thing I would encourage this woman to do as she's thinking about marriage is to make sure her relationship with God is where it needs to be. She needs to make sure that God is her first love. He needs to be her heavenly husband. Her walk with God should be strong. It is also crucial that they are both walking with the Lord and making Him the first priority in their lives. Host: Yes. And that's so important particularly when looking at a suitor who has a background of sexual sin. Our prayer of course is that they will continue to walk in victory. But if something happens where he falls into sin or the enemy sets a trap that he steps into, a woman is going to need a solid relationship with the Lord to be able to respond to that appropriately in the marriage or the dating relationship. Judy: Absolutely. And again, that's why it's so important for him not to just be honest with her but to have another godly man in his life that can come alongside him and help him walk through his struggles with temptation. We always tell women that they are not to be the main accountability person for their spouse or someone they are dating. So, it is important for him to have a godly male figure that he can be open and honest with. Host: Yeah. Well, as a guy, I'll just second that and say we need that. So, I appreciate you underscoring the need for accountability as well. Thanks so much for your counsel on this issue. Judy: Thank you. It was great to be here.
#577 - Four Unhealthy Reactions to a Husband's Sin | Hope for Hurting Wives
April 15, 2024
There are many ways wives respond to a husband's sin. Some women pretend nothing is wrong. Others intensely monitor and try to control their husband's behavior. These reactions are natural, but they are not godly. In this episode of the "Hope for Hurting Wives" series, we'll look at four unhealthy reactions to a husband's sin, and then talk about what it looks like to react—not in a natural way, but in a godly way.
#576 - We're Only Safe at the Foot of the Cross | Hope for Hurting Wives
April 8, 2024
When someone deeply hurts us, Satan tempts us in a very subtle way. He tempts us to obsess about their sins and to see ourselves as being better than they are. And if we don't guard our hearts, we can easily begin to judge them as being terrible sinners who are unworthy of mercy. It's a very dangerous place to be, and the only way to overcome this temptation is to stay at the foot of the cross.
#575 - Seeing a Husband's Sin with New Eyes | Hope for Hurting Wives
April 1, 2024
Like any wife, Kathy Gallagher felt utterly shattered by her husband's affairs and pornography addiction. But God also helped her to see that her husband Steve was in the fight of his life. He was fighting tooth and nail against his own flesh, the world and the devil. In today’s episode, Kathy Gallagher offers a new perspective about a husband’s struggle with sexual sin.
#574 - God is Working Through Our Pain | Hope for Hurting Wives
March 25, 2024
When life gets really hard, we often cry out “God, why did you allow this to happen to me?” But the real question we should be asking is, "Am I still trusting that God is good and merciful, despite what I'm going through?" In the fourth episode of our series, "Hope for Hurting Wives", Kathy Gallagher exhorts wives to make sure that their trials are not destroying their faith.
#573 - God is the Center of a Perfect Marriage | Hope for Hurting Wives
March 18, 2024
There is nothing wrong with wanting a good marriage, or even a "perfect" one. But what is a perfect marriage from God's perspective, and what does it require to have one? Kathy Gallagher is back for the third episode of our series, "Hope for Hurting Wives".
#572 - When God is Your Only Hope | Hope for Hurting Wives
March 11, 2024
For over 35 years, we have been ministering to hurting wives. And the essence of our message is that when everything is crumbling all around us, and when everything feels hopeless, Jesus is solid, trustworthy and the source of real hope. This is the second episode in our new series, "Hope for Hurting Wives." Thanks for listening!
#571 - What Devastated Wives Need Most | Hope for Hurting Wives
March 4, 2024
When a wife finds out that her husband has been unfaithful, her world is shattered by gut-wrenching pain, tormenting fears and haunting questions. But there is HOPE. In our latest series, Kathy Gallagher uses personal testimony and decades of counseling experience to show the hurting wife how to find the God of hope in the midst of the pain.
#570 - Saved Through Real Repentance | Ryan's Story of Hope
February 26, 2024
Ryan's childhood home was full of arguing, tension and chaos. In order to escape from his painful reality, he turned to porn, drugs and alcohol. But he found out soon enough that these only made him far more miserable. Then, something terrifying happened to him at a party one night, and that was it. He was determined to get real help.
#569 - Seek Fulfillment in God, Not Things | Key Lessons on the Road to Freedom
February 19, 2024
Human beings have a deep need for fulfillment. It's how God made us. But things go horribly wrong when we seek satisfaction in earthly things. We end up becoming dependent on, maybe even addicted to, things that cannot satisfy us. But if we will seek our fulfillment in God Himself, we'll find that He can do what nothing else can. That’s why seeking fulfillment in God is one of the key lessons on the road to freedom.