Timeless Truths: He Who Conceals His Sin Will Not Prosper

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Timeless Truths: He Who Conceals His Sin Will Not Prosper

June 20, 2024

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In this "Timeless Truths" segment: When we're unwilling to confess our sins, our hearts grow hard and calloused. But when we humbly confess our sins to God and a trusted spiritual leader, the power of the enemy will be broken off of our lives.

Host: Ken Larkin has joined me in the studio. Ken is a counselor for the Residential Program here at Pure Life Ministries. Ken, we got a question in that unfortunately is not all that uncommon. It's from a young man who is involved in his church. He's a worship leader who has been giving over to pornography. And, from the natural perspective, we can certainly understand he's afraid to tell anyone. He may be having thoughts like, “What if I tell someone? I might lose my job. It might be humiliating.” But he is asking, what should I do? What kind of counsel would you give this young man?

Ken: Well, the first thing I would do is take him to the Bible. There's a precious Proverb I'd like to share with him. Proverbs 28:13 (NKJV) says: “He who covers his sin will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” And if you really want to be free from your pornography addiction, it's absolutely essential that you do confess to the Lord. But besides that, you have to confess to another individual. And I would recommend that he confesses this to his pastor as soon as possible.

Host: Well, you've counseled a number of men in this area. What is some of the danger of not confessing this? What happens in our inside world when we know we're in sin and the Holy Spirit's convicting us, but we don't respond to that conviction.

Ken: It becomes easy to get into a cycle of failure and defeat when you're living in the darkness of hidden sin. You're in your own little world and you can find any reason to justify your sin. And what usually happens is if you're not willing to confess to another individual, your heart just grows harder. You start crossing boundaries that you never thought you would, and you actually end up going deeper into your sin.

Host: And really, the unwillingness to confess your sin is a reflection of the fact that you don't want to give up your sin. Also, the reality is that if you're in a good solid church and particularly if you're in a leadership position and you're involved in sin, you're probably going to be asked to step away for some time. Talk about the benefit of that.

Ken: Well, the benefit is that first of all, if you're living in sin, you shouldn't be in any type of leadership position to begin with. So, you're getting yourself out of that position of leading worship and what's happening is now you're coming under the godly counsel of your pastor and other leaderships. So, now you're having someone else come alongside you to actually aid you to get free from your sin. You're not in this battle alone anymore. You have prayer support; you have godly counsel and godly leadership. They can help you in your struggle and your fight to be free. And the verse I would share in regard to that is found in James. “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16, 1984 NIV)

Host: I know we've mentioned this in a previous discussion, but it's worth bringing up again in a situation like this. I can speak from personal testimony that when you're in a position where when the truth comes out, other people might be hurt or you might lose a job or position, the enemy is always there to give you 100 reasons why you shouldn't confess it. But we do want to caution that particularly for someone who is in leadership, they need to go to their leadership to confess not to someone who's under their authority.

Ken: That is correct. And really, the enemy of our soul thrives on secrecy and deception. And he would love to have you keep this thing in secret and for you to continue to deceive others. Because his goal is to keep you bound to your sin. So, the first thing you need to do is get your sin out into the light and that will break the devil's power off of your life. Bringing things into the light is part of your step to freedom. It is essential.

Host: And there is mercy available to those who are truly willing to repent. Repentance is a gift. God wants to give us that gift of repentance. But I do want to say also that if you're out there listening and you're in this position, frankly, it just takes courage to step up and do the right thing. And if you're one of those folks where you just think that you don't have what it takes to bring this into the light, then get before the Lord and say God help me. Help me to be able to do what I don't want to do in my flesh. He'll answer that prayer to help you to do the right thing because he really does want to set you free.

Timeless Truths: Every Kind of Sin is Serious

June 27, 2024

Anyone who justifies a porn habit is on very dangerous ground. In this week's "Timeless Truths" segment, we'll look at what the Bible says happens when we allow a pattern of sin to remain in our lives. Host: Ken Larkin has joined us in the studio again. Ken, we want to deal with a question that came in from an individual who has been struggling with internet pornography for years. As a way of justification for their pornography use, they're looking at it from the perspective that since they're not actually involved in an affair with another person then their sin really isn’t a big deal. They see it as just blowing off steam and a way to enjoy their free time and yet they're asking the question, “How can I continue in my spiritual journey while doing this?” Interesting question there. Ken: Yes, it is. First, I would say that if they have a sincere desire to grow spiritually and become more like Jesus, then the internet porn must go. There is no rational justification for sinning to blow off steam. And without a doubt, any sin, especially a long-standing sin like habitual pornography is hindering this person in their walk with God. Host: Okay, now let's take a look at some of the negative effects of viewing pornography. Ken: Well, all sin has consequences even if they're not readily apparent. So, what I would say first of all is that their heart is becoming more defiled and increasingly hardened as they continue this behavior. And with that, it's going to affect their relationship with the Lord in a negative way. There's no way of getting around that. And lust is selfish by nature. So, a person is going to be alienating themselves from the Lord and from other people the more that they are involved in this behavior. Host: For sure. Well, Ken, let's deal with the perspective that he has that I think is very often common from men that are involved in pornography. He is justifying himself by saying he isn’t engaging in sin physically with someone else. Tackle that issue if you would. Ken: What I would say is that really, it's a heart issue. Even though you're not physically involved in a relationship, you are committing adultery in your heart. You're having an affair with someone in your heart. And that would be true whether you're married or whether you're single. And with that also, you're heading down a dangerous pathway spiritually. The wages of sin is death and there's no way to get around that. Host: Well, Jesus talks about this too. Ken: Yeah, he sure does. Jesus explains this and He also gives us a serious warning in Matthew 5:28-30. He says, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” (Matthew 5:28-30, NKJV) Host: Now, you started this discussion by assuming this individual was sincere, that they have a sincere desire to grow spiritually and become more like Jesus. So, if they truly are sincere, what should they get out of that passage in Matthew? What really would you admonish a person to do if they are serious? Ken: We would call it radical amputation. Do whatever it takes to free yourself of this addiction. First of all, you have to get rid of the pornography, that’s nonnegotiable. With that, maybe an internet filter or something like that, that would help you would be great. Host: Whatever it takes. That may mean getting rid of the computer or getting rid of the smartphone if some kind of protection software isn't going to do it for you. And I only say that because I know you can have all the protection software in the world you want, but if you really are craving sin, there's always a way to get around it. So, if it means getting rid of the computer, then it means getting rid of the computer. Ken: That is so true. Secondly, I would say if you haven't done so already, it's important that you share this sin, get it into the light with your pastor or some godly individual that you can trust. And they can provide you with guidance and accountability as you're coming into freedom over this addiction. Thirdly, I would encourage you to enroll in our Overcomers At-Home Program. I've seen many individuals radically changed from the inside out as God has dealt with them at the root issues, this pride, this selfishness and all these things that aid and abet your sin. When God gets to the heart issue, it goes beyond outward change like putting a filter on your devices, God begins to take the desire for sin out of your heart. I've seen men come into a relationship with the Lord they never had before. Where they have something better than their sin and they enjoy that sweet fellowship with the Lord. Host: And that's so important. I think that was the thing that was missing in this individual's question was they saw the issue as, “What do I do about my spiritual journey?” But all they focused on was pornography. They missed what so many of us missed until the Lord opened our eyes: pornography really wasn't the issue. It was just the manifestation of the deeper issues of the heart that the Lord wants to deal with. Ken: That's so true. And I would also say the Lord is not trying to take from us. God is wanting to give this individual more of himself and this pornography is just getting in the way. As they open up their hearts through genuine repentance and put their faith anew in Christ, He wants to pour in His spirit and give them that abundant life that He's promised for all of us. Host: Amen. Well, Ken, thanks so much for talking to us about this question today. And we do want to let folks know if they are interested in the Overcomers At-Home Program or our Residential Program, there's information for both of these on our website. Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Timeless Truths: God Must Be First in Our Hearts and Lives

April 25, 2024

When we allow something to become more important to us than the Lord, it has become an idol. In this "Timeless Truths" segment from our archives, Jeff & Rose Colón talk to couples about making sure that the Lord is first in their hearts and lives. Host: Jeff and Rose Colón have joined us in the studio. It's good to see you again. Jeff & Rose: Good to see you. Host: Thank you for coming in and talking with us. We want to talk today about spousal idolatry. We use the term idolatry a lot in our everyday topics here at Pure Life. Could you kind of give our listeners an idea of what idolatry truly is? Jeff: Well, I've heard it said like this: An idol is something that we consistently make equal to or more important than God in our attention and desire. Maybe we just talk about it all the time. Or we're very devoted to it. Or we make choices that revolve around it. It's just something in our lives that has become more important to us than God. Host: So, it could be anything. It doesn't necessarily have to be something bad. Jeff: No. Absolutely. Host: So, how does someone know if he or she has made their spouse an idol in their heart? Jeff: Well, there's some telltale signs that people can see if they look inside themselves. They can ask themselves, “What is it that I really adore? What is it that I really put my hope in? What is it that I really look forward to? What is it that I really make sacrifices for in my life? What is the most prevalent topic that I tend to talk about? What do I look for my peace in? Where do I look for my meaning and my happiness? Am I looking to my spouse to make me happy? There are a lot of telltale signs that will show us if something is really an idol in our hearts. Host: Rose, when you're looking at the wife in a marriage, what are some of the ways as a counselor that you might see how a wife has made an idol of her husband? Rose: One of the ways that I've seen this manifest is when a wife is being consumed with her husband as far as what he's doing and what he's not doing. She is looking to see if he's spending time with the Lord or if he's not spending time with the Lord. She constantly wants to know if he's pressing into God the way he's supposed to be pressing into Him. Ultimately the focus for this wife is just the husband. She's made the husband out bigger than God is and because of that God is very small in her world. She's just consumed with her husband. An example I can give from my own life is when my husband was in his sin. I was consumed with how he was doing and what he was doing. I was consumed all day wondering if he was going to be acting out and because of that I wasn't focused on my own walk with the Lord or even my own responsibilities. So, what I've seen in my personal life and in counseling women is that when the husband becomes an all-consuming object, then it starts affecting a wife’s relationship with the Lord. But then too it affects how she acts and responds toward her husband. Host: So, you're not saying that a wife shouldn't care about her husband and that she should never think about her husband. It's really a matter of balance. Rose: Right. It is a matter of balance because it's okay to wonder how my husband is doing. But to be wondering how he is doing 24/7 to the point where you’re anxious and worried inside your heart, that's where you are crossing a line because you’re not trusting the Lord with your husband. Host: Jeff, when a husband or a wife has made an idol of their spouse, how do they begin to deal with that? If they've recognized it, then what are the steps they need to take to deal with it? Jeff: Well, first of all, they need to understand that from the Word of God,we're told that God will have no other gods before Him. He's a jealous God. He longs for the attention that we give to other things, because He desires to have a relationship with us and He wants us all to Himself. That should be our desire as well because He is what we ultimately need. He created us to have fellowship with Him and to be satisfied by Him and He knows that when we look to other things then we're not going to be fulfilled. He ultimately just wants to bless us and give us what we ultimately need. So, He encourages us in His Word to turn away from worthless things, to turn away from things that won't satisfy and to seek Him diligently and to make Him the all engrossing object of our lives. He doesn’t have a vain desire for us to fall at His feet, selfishly needing that worship. It’s because we were created by Him and for Him. We were created to have fellowship with Him and He wants that fellowship with us. So, it displeases Him when we look to other things. So, a husband or wife needs to understand that when they are idolizing their spouse, they are giving an amount of attention to someone else that only God should be receiving from them. And if the Lord is not first in their lives, then they're not going to be able to fulfill His purpose and plan for their lives. Host: Well, is it too strong of a statement to say that if this is the reality that a person is living in then they're in sin and they need to repent? Jeff: Absolutely. Because sin is missing the mark. And if God is not who we are focusing on then we're missing the mark. One of the main aspects of sin is going around God to get what we want. So, God must be at the center of the marriage. And if both spouses don't have Him as their first source or their first object of desire, they are going to be off track and they are not going to be in the will of God. Rose: Also, in 1 John, John tells us to keep ourselves from idols. And when you read that command in light of marriage you will see that there's something that you need to do to make sure that you are not allowing your spouse to become an idol in your heart. We need to always be checking our hearts to make sure that God is bigger than our spouse. He's able to keep our spouses. He's able to watch over our spouses. I don't have to be worrying 24/7 about what my husband is doing because our God is bigger than that. When we start worrying and fretting that just reveals that something is not right in our heart and it's usually the tendency of making our spouse an idol. Host: What are some of the practical things that either a couple can do together or the spouse can do in their own walk to overcome spousal idolatry? Jeff: Well, I know for myself that if I have something in my life that is taking my attention away from where it needs to be, I need to start making choices to get my focus where it needs to be. The Bible commands us to set our minds on the things above and not the things of the earth. And we just need to rein in our thoughts and our feelings, and we need to start going to the throne of grace which is where we'll get what we need. We need to start getting in the Word of God. We need to start seeking God more on a daily basis. The more time we start spending with God and the more time we start choosing to make Him the first thing that we're pursuing, He's going to automatically balance things out and then we're going to start seeing things right. And we're going to start to see our spouse in the right perspective. What spouses don't realize is that when God is first and when you're in a right relationship with Him, you're going to be able to fulfill your role as a husband or a wife the way God designed you to because things are going to be in their proper order. Host: Rose, how often have you seen in counseling where the spouse who has been in idolatry begins to let go of their idolatry and then a lot of issues and problems that were coming up in the marriage kind of begin to take care of themselves. Rose: Yeah. Those problems do begin to fall by the wayside because the focus is off the other spouse and they're focusing more on the Lord and what the Lord wants to be to them and that they were created for Him first and for His purposes. So, the focus really gets off of self or their spouse and it starts to get more on the Lord. And as that happens, you become freer, and you have more peace inside and you're able to be a blessing. Instead of looking to get something from the other person, you're just looking to give and be a blessing to them.

Timeless Truths: A Changed Heart will Bear Obvious Fruit

April 18, 2024

In this "Timeless Truths" segment from our archives, counselor Judy Lucas gives some guidance to a woman who wants to know if her fiancé has truly repented of sexual sin. Host: Judy, we want to tackle a question here from a woman that is considering marrying a man. He has confided in her letting her know that he spent five years addicted to pornography, but he does not currently have any desire to go back to sexual sin. He apparently has had some period of freedom. He did acknowledge to her that he only struggles with images when he brings them up in his mind. She wants to marry him, but she doesn't want to marry someone involved in pornography. How should she be looking at the situation? Judy: Well, one thing I would definitely tell her is that it’s a really good thing that she can thank the Lord for that he is willing to be honest and walk in the light about his past involvement in sexual sin and that he is honest about his current struggles. There are too many men on the other side of the fence where they are hiding and lying. So, it is a very good thing that he is willing to tell on himself. Another question that we hear all the time from women who are either dating or married to guys that have a past of viewing pornography is, “How do I know that he's not going to do this again?” And the honest truth is that it is hard to know. I can't give them full assurance that the man will never go back to his sin. There are many things we don't know about this relationship. How long have they been seeing each other? How long has she known him? What's been his track record? One thing I do want to encourage any woman to do when dating is to not be in a hurry to get married. Instead, she should begin to pay attention to his lifestyle a bit. What is some of the fruit he displays in his life? What do his daily activities look like? Does he seem to have a strong relationship with the Lord? Is he in the word? Is he in prayer? Does he spend time at church? Is he serving others in a selfless manner? Or is he in to things that would raise up red flags? I would even ask her about what her relationship with this guy looks like. Are they walking in purity, or is he making suggestions to cross lines into sexual intimacy? There are a lot of things to process and think about. The main thing she should be doing is praying and seeking the Lord for direction. She should maybe even be talking with her pastor to get some wise counsel along the way too. Host: We do need to add as an encouragement that God can keep a man that is truly repentant and who’s desire truly is to not to go back to his sin safe in His hand. Judy: Yes, He can. There's a lot of wonderful Scripture that talks about how the Lord will keep you. He gives us the Holy Spirit to bring the conviction that keeps us on the narrow way. The other thing is that when a guy looks at pornography, those images are imprinted in his brain and it's a continual battle for that man. So, I'm sure that the enemy does come to bring those images back to mind. But also, there is the reality of the power of God to transform the human mind. That transforming power comes slowly over time as he spends time in the Word. The Holy Spirit begins to renew the mind and wash out those images. He begins to replace those images with who God is and the things of God. It's like the washing out of the old junk and bringing something brand new and beautiful to think about. One last thing I would encourage this woman to do as she's thinking about marriage is to make sure her relationship with God is where it needs to be. She needs to make sure that God is her first love. He needs to be her heavenly husband. Her walk with God should be strong. It is also crucial that they are both walking with the Lord and making Him the first priority in their lives. Host: Yes. And that's so important particularly when looking at a suitor who has a background of sexual sin. Our prayer of course is that they will continue to walk in victory. But if something happens where he falls into sin or the enemy sets a trap that he steps into, a woman is going to need a solid relationship with the Lord to be able to respond to that appropriately in the marriage or the dating relationship. Judy: Absolutely. And again, that's why it's so important for him not to just be honest with her but to have another godly man in his life that can come alongside him and help him walk through his struggles with temptation. We always tell women that they are not to be the main accountability person for their spouse or someone they are dating. So, it is important for him to have a godly male figure that he can be open and honest with. Host: Yeah. Well, as a guy, I'll just second that and say we need that. So, I appreciate you underscoring the need for accountability as well. Thanks so much for your counsel on this issue. Judy: Thank you. It was great to be here.