Summary:
We live in a world that tends to idolize both singleness and marriage, and at the same time treat them like a curse. Scripture is honest about the difficulty of life in a fallen world. Singleness and marriage both come with many challenges and difficulties, but Paul reminds us they are, nevertheless, both gifts from God. When properly used, each gift can point to Jesus and the Gospel in a unique way.

Audio Transcript:
This media has been made available by Mosaic Boston Church. If you'd like to check out more resources, learn about Mosaic Boston and our neighborhood churches or donate to this ministry, please visit mosaicboston.com.

Good morning. Welcome to Mosaic Church. My name is Jan. I'm one of the pastors here along with Pastor Shane Sikkema, and if you're new or if you're visiting, I'm really glad you're here. We say that every week, but we mean it every week. We'd love to connect with you either in person after the service or if you would be so kind to fill out the connection card legibly and then you can either toss it in the offering basket afterwards or redeem it at the Welcome Center in return for a gift that we've lovingly prepared for you.

The connection card is also the place where you can write your prayer request or let us know if you're interested in baptism or if you, today, for the very first time accepted Christ as Lord and Savior or recommitted your life to him. With that said, would you please pray with me over the preaching of God's Holy Word?

Heavenly Father, we thank you that you are a good Father, Lord, and you know our hearts better than we know ourselves. Heavenly Father, we pray that you today focus our attention on the love of Jesus Christ who loved us so much that he gave all of himself in order to get us. We thank you Christ that you did that. We thank you, Holy Spirit, that you are here, that you're amongst us. We pray Holy Spirit to minister today. As we talk about some sensitive things, I pray that you minister to those who are single and desire to be married, minister to them. To those who are single and same-sex attracted, please, Lord, minster to them. To those how are single and perhaps are dealing with breakup or rejection, please minister to them.

Lord, I pray that you minister to the couples who are married. We know that the enemy hates marriage and attacks it with a full-on assault, and I pray protect the marriages here. I pray, teach us to be gracious to one another as you're gracious to us and love one another as you love us and serve one another one as you serve us. Lord, I pray for any of those who are on the brink of divorce or even considering that. I pray you minister to them and bring them back and, I pray, rekindle their love for one another.

Lord, I pray for those who have gone through divorce. I pray minister deeply to them as, while the text doesn't have that much to say about divorce, but, Lord, your spirit can speak more powerfully than any human being, so I pray minister. Lord, bless our time with the holy word and we pray, speak to every single one of us and tell us exactly what you want us to hear, and give us grace to implement in our lives. And I pray for anyone who's not yet a Christian. I pray that they see just how glorious this vision of Christian marriage is. As great as it is, it's only a foretaste of the greatest relationship in the universe, that's your love for us. And I pray that those who are not yet Christians, they accept your love and are transformed by it. And I pray all this in Christ's holy name. Amen.

So this is the part of the sermon where I say something to try to peak your interest, so that you keep listening to the rest of the sermon. The problem is, the joy is that we're talking about singleness, marriage, and sex today, so I got your attention, so I don't really need to set it up. But I will say this, Saint Paul is writing to a brand new church in Corinth. We, Mosaic, our new church, Corinth was a society that was saturated with sexual sin, it was a pagan society, and the Christians there were dealing with the same temptations, the same issues that we're dealing here in Boston Massachusetts so it's highly relevant.

Someone asked me recently, hey, every time I come to this church, you guys are talking about sex, what's up with that? And the reason why we do is because we preach through the bible and the bible talks about it, why? Because all of us deal with it, this is part of the human condition. And what scripture is trying to do is get us to think about spirituality, not as divorced from reality. Spirituality is an embodied spirituality. Therefore, sexuality and spirituality are inextricably intertwined. What we do in our body has an impact on our souls, and vice versa.

And the reason why God has designed sex as he's designed it, and says this is the way that you flourish personally, that your family flourishes, the people around you flourish, is because God, though he loves you personally, he does, but he also loves other people. And he loves society. And he wants culture to flourish. And every single one of us is connected to one another, so you hear people say, we're not hurting anybody. Well, if you sin against another person, you're not just sinning against that person if you hurt that person, you're not just hurting that person, it's a ripple effect that goes on and it keeps going, and hurt people, hurt people. And ultimately, even if you're not hurting each other, you're not taking God if you're sinning against each other of sexual morality. You're taking God out of the equation. God is hurt.

When we sin, we are sinning against God. Our moral decision impact God, and they impact other people. And what we talked about last week is that Christian, you're not your own. You were created by God, you're redeemed by God, that your body is not your own. So scripture tells us to glorify God with your body. As we talk about singleness, marriage, divorce, re-marriage, and let me just say this on the front end, life is hard, as you know. And because life is hard, singleness is hard. And marriage is hard. And divorce is hard. And remarriage is hard. And widowhood, it's all hard. Therefore, God gives us Jesus, he gives us the Holy Spirit in order to redeem us from our sins so that we catch a glimpse of the vision that he has for us, and gives us the spirit to realize that vision.

And I'll say this on the front end, as we talk about everything that we talk about, one of my favorite quotes is, "Where the real falls short of the ideal, grace abounds." So as we talk about God's vision for marriage, he's also extending grace to be infused in those places of brokenness in our lives and relationships. I said this last week, that we didn't really plan out this sermon series to coincide with the big things that are happening in the calendar, so last week, that sermon coincided with the beginning of Pride Month. This week's sermon, all week, I've been thinking about marriage and singleness, and then I remember, thank God, that my anniversary is on Monday. So God's been getting me to think about marriage, so it's 13 years, my wife and I, by God's grace. Monday we're celebrating our 13th anniversary so praise God for that.

You know what, seven years ago, a few years ago, I would have said no, no, no, no. And right now I'm taking it, yeah, thank you. Thank you, because it's work, by God's grace, praise God. And Pastor Shane is celebrating his 13th anniversary with Kelly Sikkema. They're celebrating on the 18th. So make sure to remember that and send them some kind messages.

So here's what I was saying about marriage. So were not for Jesus Christ, Tanya and I, as incredible of a woman and gracious, we would not be married. Because I am a sinner. I'm a terrible sinner. And not only that, the way I'm wired is, you know what I do for a living? I talk for a living. And I persuade people for a living. Now, imagine living with that, and arguing with that professional talker. So, praise God for grace.

Today, we're going to look at First Corinthians 7:1 through 12, First Corinthians 7:1 through 12. We'll cover some other excerpts from chapter 7. Would you please look at the text with me. "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

"Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say, I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her."

This is the reading of God's holy and errant fallible authoritative word. May he write these eternal truths upon our hearts. We're going to frame up our time in three points, God's heart singles, God's heart for marriage, and God's heart for divorce. Just a few comments there. First of all, God's heart for singles. How do you know whom God wants you to marry? How do you know if God wants you to marry at all? And to really understand this text, and to really understand this book, we need to understand the driving principle behind everything that Saint Paul says here, as he's inspired by the Holy Spirit. The driving principle is, that we, we're created by God, for His glory, and that's, if we're in that sweet spot of living for God's glory, he fills our hearts with joy.

So when he tells us about God's actual ethic, it doesn't make sense to us if joy's not a category in our world view. Because what the world tells us is, hey, the way to happiness is through pleasure, through sexual satisfaction, therefore, if you take away the most important thing to me, then how in the world do I get happiness? And one of the things that scripture teaches as a whole, is that there's a difference between pleasure, happiness and joy. Pleasure is felt in the body. You can be going through pleasure, enjoying pleasure, and still be depressed. Happiness is in the mind. This is why if you go for a run, the endorphins kick in, you're like, "Oh, I'm a little happier. Caffeine, oh I'm a little happier." You can be happy, and your heart is still empty.

And this is where God promises something deeper. And this is what every single one of us needs, we long for. It's the joy. Well, how do we get the joy? You don't pursue the joy. Joy is a by-product of glorifying God. "God, I want to live for you, not myself. God, I want to give myself to you. I want to serve you, not myself." So, the principle, at the heart of this text is, "Dear Christian, pursue the path that leads to greatest devotion to Christ, greatest glory to God. Choose the path on which, you can glorify God with every single ounce of your being for the rest of your life."

So, Saint Paul says if you can remain single, do it, because you have more time and energy to be devoted to Christ and glorify him, that's verse seven. "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am." He's not commanding singleness, that's a special gift. But he is commending singleness. He's saying that singleness, and Saint Paul had the gift. Jesus Christ had the gift. Singleness provides certain advantages. You just have more time. You have more energy to glorify God. You just do more.

Therefore, here, I just pause, I want to say this side comment. It's a deeply unbiblical attitude to go up to a single person and say, "Hey, why aren't you married?" And by the way, I grew up in a church like, people who do this all the time, they go up, "Hey, how old are you? Why aren't you married?" Since we're here, okay, let's go. It's the same thing as going up to someone, who doesn't have a kid, they're married, been married for a few years, "Hey, when's the baby coming?" Same thing. That's like going up to someone and if they're shorter, "Hey, why don't you grow another foot?" It's like going to someone who's struggling with baldness, and receding hairline, "Hey, why don't you fix that?" Or going up to someone who wants a beard but can't grow a beard, like Pastor Jan, and be like, "Where's your beard Pastor Jan? My response is, my brother got my dad's beard, I got my mom's beard.

So don't do that. These are very sensitive pressure points. Don't do that. Don't go up to someone who has four daughters and say, "Hey, are you guys going to try for a boy?" "I did, four times." So stop, stop this. So don't go up to a single person and make them feel inferior if they're not married. The two most influential people in the world were not married. They impacted history like nobody else, and there're so many others, people who were single, John Stott, Jane Aus-. And incredible people live for the glory of God. So neither singleness nor marriage should be deprecated, neither is inferior or superior, both are gifts from a good giver.

The advantages to remaining single, and Saint Paul gives us a few. The first is, you just have more freedom in difficult times. And he points this out in verse 26. He says, "I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife." And then he quickly adds, that it's not a sin if you're married, verse 28, "But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that."

Worldly troubles, and he talks about present distress, what's he talking about? When's he writing? He's writing about 20, 25 years after the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Christianity begins to spread over the Roman empire. What does Nero do? What does Caesar do? Now he starts clamping down, he starts persecuting the church. Now people are dying for their faith. They're being crucified and they're being crucified upside down. And they are being burned at the stake. So what Saint Paul has said, he's saying, "In my spirit, I feel an impending persecution coming." And so one thing, to be martyred or imprisoned as a single person. Something totally else when you have family, when you have a spouse, when you have kids.

So practically, he says, if God's calling you as a missionary to a place where you are likely to suffer persecution and severe hardship, consider remaining single. If you're called to a ministry requiring lots of travel, well, that's not conducive to a family. Consider remaining single. Another practical element that he wants us to consider in terms of thinking about singleness, he says you just have more time. You have more freedom to devote yourself fully to God and his mission. That's verse 32. "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."

Here's the point. He's saying marriage takes work. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy to build the relationship, to connect the souls and remain connected to work through issues, to work through seasons. It takes time. And then if you have kids, oh my kids are so much work. This is a sermon in itself, but I'll just say this, the moment I wake up, I'm on, until the moment I go to sleep, where I fall asleep on the way down to the pillow. That's my life, that's my wife's life. People ask me, "Hey, Pastor Jan, why do you work out? Isn't it an idolatry issue? A vanity issue? Let's talk about your heart."

Honestly, it's not at all, it's just pragmatism. I need strength to carry my kids. Have you seen my kids? My youngest is almost two. People come up to me like, "So, when's he starting kindergarten?" In four years, he's starting kindergarten. "Your youngest is two? Here, I brought some clothes for a two-year-old." No, not even close. Honestly, if you are thinking about marriage, I'll let you carry my daughter around, I dare you. In crossfit, you got the medicine balls, I do that on a daily basis, with my kids. That's just one example. And I got four. It's work, and it's energy.

And what he's saying is, when you're single, you just have more time to devote to the Lord. And marriage is ministry. You do it for the glory of God. Children is ministry, you do it for the glory of God. Well, if that's your ministry, you don't have as much time for other ministries, it's just practical. Peter Wagner, he's an author and a pastor, he wrote about John Stott, who's a British pastor and author. And John Stott was single. And Peter Wagner talks about the impact of John Stott, his influence. Where Peter Wagner had to care for his family, John Stott is writing books in a month, book after book, preparing conferences. What he's saying is you just couldn't match the output.

So now the question if singleness is awesome, and it is, then why in the world would anyone get married? And Paul's like, well, I'll use his words, and this point two, God's Heart for Marriage. He says, number seven, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift, et cetera, et cetera." Verse 9, "But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Question, how do I know if I have the gift of celibacy? Well, the first question here is, can you control your sexual desires? And this is really practical, it's very human, and he's saying, if you can't control your sexual desires, perhaps you should consider marriage. If you're single and fighting sexual temptation daily, it's a constant battle that consumes all of your energy, that you're only focused on this one front, and you can't do anything else, he says, perhaps you should consider marriage.

Now, he's not saying that it's impossible to resist temptation if you're single. He's not saying it's impossible. Later on in First Corinthians, 10:13, he says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." He's saying by the power of the Holy Spirit, every single Christian, has the ability, by God's grace to be pure in thought and deed. But, if all of your energy's directed on this one battle, fighting this one fire, he says, perhaps the solution isn't more self-discipline, but a spouse. And of course, you still need self-control, even as a married person. And I would argue, you need self-control even more as a married person, because the battle shifts.

When you're single, the battle is, do not awaken love, you put it to sleep. You channel that energy into something else. When you get married, you'll awaken love, and you have to direct love, channel it into this one person for the rest of your life. It's a different battle. First Corinthians 7:2, "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." Should I consider marriage? Well, if you have a solid relationship with the Lord, you're experiencing incredible fellowship with God, and with believers. Do you still feel a tinge of loneliness? And where do I see this?

I this from the very beginning in Genesis. God creates everything, paradise, it's bliss. Adam is experiencing unbroken fellowship with God. They're walking through the Garden of Eden, together. God's spirit close Adam. It's still ... You know what is says in Genesis 2:18? This is before the fall, God says, "It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper for for him." There's still a tinge of loneliness that God chooses to meet through a spouse. Perhaps you feel something ... When I was single, and I had great fellowship with the Lord, I had great fellowship with brothers and sisters and Christian community, but I still felt a little loneliness. And I wanted kids. I've always loved kids. I used to always volunteer at Sunday School and volunteer in kids ministry. Summer camps, I was a counselor. I've always loved kids. And I wanted kids. Perhaps you feel something similar. Well, have you tried praying Genesis too over your life, in prayer?

And before you think about marriage, you really need to decide to what ministry God's called you to. When you marry a person, you're not marrying that person so that person gratifies you, that's not the primary reason. You marry the other person because that person is the one with whom you will do the most for God's glory. You create synergy together. You've got to be thinking power couples, spiritual power couple. With whom can I do the absolute most? And they've got to be thinking the same, to what ministry has God called you to?

C.T. Studd was a missionary in Africa. But he left his family. He pretty much neglected and abandoned his family the last 11 years of his wife's life. He'd only saw her for two weeks. Did a lot for ministry, but he abandoned his primary ministry, which was his family. David Livingstone did the same thing, left his wife and children for years to pioneer the gospel ministry in the interior of Africa. Accomplished much, but it marred their ministry. So if you're called to be a missionary, you've got to make sure that you have a wife who's there with you. If you're called, and you have a husband who's there with you. So you need to know your mission before you marry, because the purpose of marriage isn't just personal happiness. The purpose of marriage is to glorify God together. And every single couple has a ministry.

And while marriage and children, they bring a lot of joy. They're good gifts of God. But they're not going to satisfy. The most satisfying thing from my wife Tanya and I, the most satisfying thing, is to do things for the Lord together. You know what her favorite thing is? And now it's my new favorite thing? Because her favorite thing is my favorite thing. She loves going to the park and meeting new people, and telling them about Jesus. She loves that. That's her favorite thing. She goes to the park, she's like a rock star. She's like the mayor of Brookline, as she walks in. So now I'm right there with her. And that brings incredible joy as she sees people, thinking about God.

So friends, forget the idolatrous idea of, I'm going to get married, we're going to settle down, we're going to have a nice little house in suburbia, two-car garage, two cars, white-picket fence, not that there's anything wrong with that, 2.1 kids, a dog, and a cat. And, we might go to church when we're not traveling on the weekends, and when our kids don't have sports events. I'll tell you right now, I'll tell you what happens because I see this happen all the time. One year goes by, two years, three, and then you get bored. There's a thing called a seven-year itch, it's real. And that's where people just get bored of that life, it's boring. "Get that out of here."

So, if you're not gifted with celibacy, pray and look for Godly spouse, it's First Corinthians 7:9, "they should marry." Now I know this is frustrating for many of you. You're like, just stop, get rid of that verse, you've got to rip it out. We can't do that, we like the bible. So what do we do? If I want to get married, what should I do? I'm just going to share some practical Godly, biblical wisdom. Number one, you focus on personal growth and Godliness. That's number one. There's no one and nothing can satisfy as much as God. And seriously, what are your options? If you're single and you're like, I want to get married. What are your options? You can sit around sulking, feeling depressed, feeling lonely, perhaps wasting time with a frantic search for a companion.

Or, you seek God, the only one who could satisfy, the only true lover who completely satisfies. You seek him in his word, you seek him in prayer, read great books of theology. Listen to audio books. And then serve the Lord in some capacity. Instead of just sitting around and sulk, and channel that energy to serving someone else. And then God fills your heart with joy. And, what happens is, you start growing in maturity as you take on responsibility. And, if the Lord does send a spouse, and this is how he usually does it, you're serving, you're serving, you're serving, you're serving, and then someone next to you is serving, serving, serving, and serving. And they're like, I like this person. We're getting stuff done together, for the glory of GOD, GSD, get stuff done, Soli Deo Gloria, SDG, GSDSDG. We're doing it together. Let's do it together.

And now you're partners. You're a spiritual power couple. This is why I love this church. And I know that transient people are coming, going. But honestly, serve. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. I was here early today, and I see Godly people showing up early, 7:30, 8:30, showing up. They're giving their best hours of the best sweet-spot of their weekend, Sunday morning. And they're giving it to the Lord. Those are the Navy Seal Christians. Marry those...

Serve the Lord. If you want a Godly spouse, which you should, if you are a Christian, become the one that the one is looking for. Become the Godly spouse that the Godly spouse is looking for. How do you do that? You learn to follow Jesus on a daily basis. You wake up, you spend time in scripture, you spend time in prayer. I put on my sound-canceling headphones, and I'm listening to worship music, and I do that because I have four kids. So you do that on daily basis. Lord lead me, and you follow. And this is important, because how can you lead another human being, another soul, if you can't lead yourself? And if you can't lead another sinner, what makes you think that you can lead two sinners? And then, if you're two sinners together, what do you do when you make little sinners? And that's what they are. I've got four little sinners that live with me. Four roommates who contribute nothing to the rent, and eat all my food.

Learn to rest in the Lord. Learn to find ultimate satisfaction in him. And I know there're seasons where it feels like you're going through a desert, feels like the Lord isn't with you, that he's not guiding, that he's abandoned you. Joseph felt that for 13 years in prison. And God used all the time, preparing him to be vice president of Egypt. Sometimes God allows us, it's a blessing to go through a season that doesn't feel like a blessing, so that the ultimate blessing comes, and when it does, God gets all the glory. So get into scriptures, get into community group, get into church membership. Because if you can't commit to the bride of Christ, what makes you think that you can commit to a bride?

And this is in particular, I just want to talk to the gentlemen for just a second here. It's really just practical. You want to get married? You got to get a job. You got to get an apartment. You got to pay down the debt. You got to get some cologne. You got to get a haircut. You got to get a shirt with buttons, at least a few. You got to get a nice pair of shoes. And you can't wear white socks with black pants. There's this little practical element. And I can go on. I've got a whole thing. I can go on. But the way that you really you learn, you meet other Godly couples in the church. And if you're single, meet married couples and say, "Hey, give me an hour of your time. Give me some life coaching when it comes to this area of life. And in return, I'm going to babysit your kids." That's a win-win. That's ultimate, mutual upbuilding. That's what we're trying to do. The married couple needs the single person. The single person needs the married couple. Learn from one another.

The thing I just did with use cologne, and be presentable for gentlemen, my wife does, so she is a master of this. I'm not going to go into the details, but meet her. She's a Godly sage woman, and she knows, she knows things that you can't figure, so okay. Gentlemen, you got to get a job. If you want to get married, you got to be prepared to be the head of the family, the headship is a doctrine that's important. You're not the boss, you're not a bully or a king, you're serving, who gives himself away on a daily basis, for the good of the family. I'm sacrificing time, energy, everything. Now, do that to the people around you. And headship is really just this, it's your responsibility. Everything in the family is your responsibility.

Adam, you messed up. Adam, where are you? Eve was the first one to bite out of the apple. It's not an apply, whatever the fruit was. Jesus was, our sin wasn't his fall, but he took responsibility. In the same way, that's what headship is, even if it's not your fault, it's your responsibility.

Some of you, perhaps are thinking about marriage, and you've been dating for a long time, and you keep putting it off because of the ridiculous cost of weddings in our culture. It's ridiculous. I think the average is like, $35,000. It's absolutely crazy. Free tip, if you haven't been listening, this is the best part of the sermon so far. This is a free nugget. You're getting your money's worth. Monday weddings is where it's at. I'm serious. I'm absolutely serious. No one's thinking like that. The venues are all free. And you know, I'm free on Mondays. Saturdays are hard. Sundays, I can't do. And then you can haggle with the $35,000. How about $3500? And then you know.

Just practically, you got to care for yourself. You got to care for your body. How can you care for another person's body if you're not caring for yourself? Care for your could. How can you care for another person's soul if you can't care for yourself? So I'm going to share just a little of how Tanya and I met, just to give testimony. Testimony of the Holy Spirit's grace. Junior year in college, I was stuck in all kinds of immaturity. And then that immaturity worked itself out, in that I picked a fight with four dudes on Third Street in Providence. And I thought it was three, I picked a fight with three dudes on Third Street in Providence. And, I was doing fine, mind you. And the fourth guy came out of nowhere, blindsided me, and with a superman punch. I ended up in the hospital with a broken jaw.

As soon as I woke up, I knew, that was Hebrews 12, the Lord disciplining me. And I said, Lord, thank you. From then on, I got into every single bible study I could. And I started getting into the scriptures, spending an hour, giving my first hour of the day to the Lord. And the Lord used that season to grow me, right before my study abroad in Moscow. I went there by myself. My first Sunday there, I didn't know anybody, found Moscow Bible Church. Got plugged in immediately. Went every Sunday. Went every Wednesday to the prayer meeting. It was me, three little old ladies, and another guy named Constantine, who also had recently been in a fight, and God woke him up. It wasn't one against four, it was one against 12, but he was a national Russian wrestler so he took them all except for number 12, with a baseball bat with nails. True story.

So now, we're all beat up, and we're at this prayer meeting, with these three little old ladies. And they're edifying our souls, and we're encouraging one another. And we started going to the youth meeting on Friday. So we just grew. And then after that, that summer, I did a mission trip to Belarus, at an orphanage. I was just growing by leaps and bounds. I come back, my senior year in college. I realized, hey, I want to get married, but I was doing international relations and Slavic Studies. International relations because it sounded good, Slavic Studies, to pad my GPA, because I speak Russian. And then I was like, I'm not employable. Nobody wants that. So then I picked up Business Econ. I took nine economic classes my senior year. That's all I did. And then I did prayer and bible study. That's all I did senior year.

My friend, best friend Jarrod Lin, and I, he preached at Mosaic. He works for Campus Fit at Brown University. He and I committed to pray from Monday through Friday, 7:00 AM to 8:00 AM every single day of the year. And the prayer request, my prayer request was the same every time. "I want to be close to the Lord, and Lord, send me a wife," every time. They stopped asking me. It was actually such a big deal that New York Times found out that there's a prayer group at Brown University, there's actually Christians there. And they ran a centerpiece on a Sunday morning paper, about us. It was called "On a Christian Mission to the Top," May something, 2005. And it was a picture of me praying with Tim Havens, you only came that one time. And Jarrod Lin didn't get into the picture. You can Google it, it was the last time New York Times had a truthful piece. No, just kidding, stop, I'm kidding.

So, I got a job, moved down to D.C. My uncle was planning a Russian church in the D.C. ... I lived for a month in his house, and I painted his house for rent, in exchange for rent, and I saw their family. Godly man, Godly woman, four Godly kids. And I pray, "Lord, I want a family like that." And, some time went by, and I got a phone call from my dad, who said, "Hey, did you know there's going to be an evangelistic rally in Philadelphia?" Billy Graham, his translator was coming down. My dad said, "Let's meet in Philadelphia. I'll drive down. You drive up." We met there, the evangelistic rally was at night. So we need to go to church in the morning, so we go to this church plant in Philadelphia. and as soon as we got out of the car, I looked toward the door and there was a gal greeting there. And she was like an angel. And she still is like an angel.

I met her, "Hi," her name's Tanya. And I was absolutely smitten. She thought I was an unbeliever because I had spiky hair and no tie. And I show up at a Russian church, and they're like, you're a pagan. So I have no idea what the service was about. I have no idea what the sermons are about. I still need to repent about that. Lord, forgive me. And I was just focused on this gal. Her family invites us over for lunch after. And I got to know her family, and Tanya wasn't there. She was at the rally serving. I'm like, yes, serving at the church, serving there, a heart of service, at the evangelistic rally. I have no idea what the sermon's about. I made a beeline to her after the service. "Hi, how are you? My name is Jan. I'm also a Christian. I'm a member of New Life Church in Washington D.C." I asked her for her phone number. I said, "Can we be friends?"

She said, "I have no idea who you are. And I don't like telephones, because they cause radiation." She knew back then. And asked her for her email. She's like, "I don't do emails." So I was bummed out. And my mom was there too. My mom approached her mom, and said, "Hey, let's keep in touch." And her mom says, "Yeah, let's keep in touch." And gives me Tanya's phone number. And that's where it all got started. That's all to say this, you should be a member of a church. And here's one thing I do want to say from that story. I have a lot of things to say. In our culture, we are too serious about Christian dating. And some of us are not serious enough. Too serious, that's "The Lord gave me a dream last night, and you're the person for me." I didn't get that dream, sorry. And then on the other side, it's like, "Hey, let's just hang out for years."

Honestly, I think this might be helpful. You've got to think about it in terms of a family. We're brothers and sisters. So if you're a single, treat each other as brother and sister. And if you're interested in someone, say hey, not let's date, or court, dort, whatever. "Let's be friends. Let's go for coffee." I'll just give you an example. I was at this church in D.C. and I saw this girl, she's an awesome sister serving the Lord. I said, "Hey, do you want to, as friends," and I made this clear, "As friends, let's go see a baseball game." It was in the Nationals. And we went together. I made it clear, "Look, let's just be friends. If the friendship develops, great. I'm a serious guy with serious intentions. But if it doesn't, let's still be friends, and I'll actually help you find a husband because we're friends, and brother and sister." And that's what happened. It didn't work out with her, and then she actually, I introduced, like in the same church. Hey, she married the guy, now they're missionaries in Kazakhstan. So it's all to say, "Let's be friends." That's the point.

And in the church, when you're serving the Lord, you're close to the Lord, you begin to develop this ability to see people with the eyes of Jesus Christ. And that's what you need. Some of us are too focused on appearances where Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." A wife of noble character who shall find her value is more precious than gold. And that's all to say, the character's the most important thing. Therefore, Christian, please never consider marriage to a nonbeliever. Forge the word "please," burn it on your heart. God is that serious about it. And as a Christian, you cannot even consider the option of marrying a nonbeliever. It's never God's will for a Christian to become unequally yoked to a non-Christian. It's better to be single than in a marriage with a nonbeliever, because you can't share the deepest love of your heart with that person.

That leads to all kinds of aloofness and a chasm. What happens if you continue to grow in your relationship with the Lord, and they don't? So it's better to be single than devastated. And don't just say things like, "But they believe in God." I want to know, if you say, "Pastor Jan, we're dating," where is this person a member of a church? That's what I want to know. How serious are you about your relationship with the Lord? And don't just say they believe in God. You know what scripture says? Even demons believe in God. First Peter 3:1 talks about if you are married to a nonbeliever, says, "So that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives." What he's saying is, if you are married to a nonbeliever, don't be self-righteous, don't beat them over the head with a bible. What your spouse needs is for you to be like Jesus fills the Holy Spirit and they need to be compelled with the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

The vision is that the Lord saves them, and that you actually baptize them, that's the vision. First Corinthians 7:39 talks about "Only in the Lord." Second Corinthians 6:14 through 16, you could read that later, talking about unequally yoked. Also in preparation for marriage, guard your moral purity, free sexual morality, and glorify God with your body. You've got to plan for righteousness. You know the questions about how far can we go? That's the wrong question. You already went too far. The question is, how much can we glorify God with our body? Don't just get to as close as possible.

Because what happens is, the enemy that ... You know these stories about these people who take selfies on cliffs? And there's a running total of people who died taking selfies at the Yosemite cliff. It was a famous Instagram couple, they went as closely as possible. What they didn't factor in was the wind. Wind gust comes out of nowhere, and they fall over. So if you don't want to sin, don't plan to put yourself in tempting situations. If you don't want to go to Las Vegas, then why did you get on the plane? If you don't want to commit sexual immorality, then why are you at the bar at that time? Or the club by your ... I was going to say by your ... It doesn't matter with the accountability part. No, no club. That's not a Christian thing.

Cohabitation? It's actually fornication. They're synonyms. You're connected to Jesus Christ, don't implicate Jesus Christ in sin. Jenell Williams Paris says "The idol of sexual fulfillment has two faces: One face says that each person has the right to be sexually satisfied and that having sex is a necessary part of happy, mature adulthood (or even adolescence). The second face is a Christian one that says the reward for premarital sexual virtue is great marital sex." "When I was growing up," she said, "sexual ethics was all stick and no carrot: we were told to abstain from premarital sex because of the parental and divine punishment that would ensue. Today, the stick is still there, but there's also a carrot: the less you sin before marriage, the hotter the sex after the marriage." The problem with that is it's not a biblical world view. Christ never had sex and he lived the perfect life, the ultimate life. Therefore, we can't expect that we need it for human flourishing.

Stanley Hauerwas, a scholar at Duke University, says, one of the clearest differences between Christianity and all the other religions is that singleness is a paradigm. A paradigm is a way of life. Just like Jesus. So that's to say, don't say, that if you take this sex out of my life, that I can't be a fully human being, that's false. That's a lie. This generation's been offered sex on plate and found it to be unsatisfying. We're looking for how to flourish, and we flourish in the middle of God's will.

First Corinthians 7:3 through 5, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband." And the big idea here is, and first he talked about singleness. The big idea is no sex. And then once you get married, what he's saying is, it becomes a spiritual discipline, it's prayer, reading scripture, and baby, we need to be close to the Lord. It's a thing, seriously, conjugal rights, look that up together. The point is that you serve one another. Sex isn't self-expression, and it's not self-gratification, it's self-donation. If the husband wants to be together, you be together. If the wife wants to be together, you be together. The Song of Solomon says tend to the garden so weeds don't grow. So don't sleep back-to-back. That's when Satan crawls into the bed. That's what he says. Don't let Satan tempt you. Care for one another's body. Care for one another's needs. God creates sex for procreation, but he also does for pleasure and satisfaction, and comfort, and protection, and ultimately unity.

Okay, back to, let's get married. The point, be wise, but not over-spiritual. Here's what I mean. Sometimes we pray, the Lord sends us a spouse, send me a spouse. And sometimes we get too spiritual, too overly spiritual, thinking God's just going to make the person appear, like it's going to start raining men hallelujah. And that's not what he's saying. There's nothing wrong in putting yourself in a situation where you can meet someone. And somebody you're attracted to. Obviously Godly character takes precedence. But there's nothing wrong being attracted to that someone. Song of Solomon, that couple isn't extolling the finer points of each other's characters. It's all about that they're in love, both spiritually and physically. And you got to like that person, you got to enjoy that person's presence.

So, that's all to say, be selective but don't be picky. Here's what I mean. I think some of you brothers, I think you're putting off marriage way too long because you're looking for a model, who loves Jesus. And by model, that's a nice way of putting what I really mean. And sisters, some of you are smart and powerful, you're waiting for Mr. Right, Mr. Perfect, whose type-A, alpha male, highly intelligent, ultra fit, super wealthy, and able to cook. You're looking for Ryan Gosling, that's who you're looking for. You're looking for Bradley Cooper. Well here's the thing, Bradley Cooper got Irina Shayk, and Irina Shayk got Bradley Cooper, and this past week, they split up, after four years together. Didn't satisfy. And now they have to, they're amicably working on how to share custody. Learn to love the hidden person, the inner beauty of the person.

First Peter, 3:3-4, "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." That's what you're looking for. And that's what you need to see, you train up your eyes see. Proverbs 31:10 through 11, "excellent, or of noble character, a wife who can find, she is far more precious than jewels, the heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." So train the eyes to see not just physical eyes, but the eyes of your heart.

Pastor Shane and I were talking about this week, and this is a quote from Pastor Shane, it's so good. I said, can I use it? He said sure, go ahead. He says, "I think there's something to be said of attraction being overrated." He says, "I'm not attracted to a 99-year-old woman, but Lord willing, one day I'll be married to one, and I'll find her attractive." Something there, likeability, friendship, it's more important than just physical attraction. Godly men and Godly women with God's grace, they age like fine wine. Apart from God's grace, like milk. Why? Because you always marry the wrong person. We're all looking for finished projects, we're not finished. We're always works in progress. We're all incompatible, we're just the wrong people, and we need the gospel to make us the right people, the right heart, with the right Holy Spirit.

God didn't just create you. He's recreating you. And when you're looking for a spouse, what you're looking for is the potential. I can see. I'm not going to fix you. But God can fix you. Timothy Keller, in The Meaning of Marriage, which you definitely need to read. He says, "Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is so look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be a part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, "I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!" That's what we're talking about. You see the potential with God's grace.

I had a conversation with a friend this week, and the friend is single. And I said, tell me what you would say in the sermon. If I haven't had that conversation with you, I'm going to soon. That's the conversation I'm having. This is what he said, he says, Satan attacks marriage through all kinds of ways, pornography. But there's another subtle attack. It's so hard to find a good Christian person. And this is what church community is so important, where married people, like you're bringing singles into your life. And then bring some other singles into your life, and then invite them over for dinner together. See what happens.

God's heart for divorce. Saint Paul says, hear that God's heart is for marriage, one man, one woman, one covenant, one lifetime. Why? Because divorce is heartbreaking. Divorce is never over and it's never final. It just gets more complicated. I've done weddings where the husband and wife haven't talked to each other in years, and they're their just because their daughter's walking down the aisle, and they're sitting on different sides. It gets complicated. Everyone at some point wants to get divorced and sinners get sick of getting sinned against each other. And God creates marriage to be one, one man, one woman. The word uses ahad, the same word for the Trinity, where the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are one, Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.

What scripture says, Malachi 2, is that God hates divorce because his heart is broken by it. And he sees the brokenness, the ripple effect from generation to generation. He sees the effect that it has on people, it causes fear when parents get divorced. It complicates your idea of marriage. There's a lingering effect. Because marriage isn't just a contract, it's covenant. This is why we celebrate anniversaries. This is the anniversary of the covenant. If you renew your lease, you don't celebrate the renewal of your lease, it's just a contract, there's nothing emotional there. With a covenant, it's different. It's the binding of two hearts.

So scripture here in First Corinthians 7 and other places, it says God allows divorce for adultery, that's marital unfaithfulness, porneia, in the Greek. Because in the Old Testament, adultery was actually a capital offense, but it's an exception clause for abandoning the covenant. But adultery should never happen. And divorce is also allowed for abandonment but still, it gives grounds but it's not license. And God's heart is for reconciliation to happen. So am I allowed to remarry if my spouse has sinned against me, adulterously, or has abandoned? Maybe on some circumstances, but give it time. That's what scripture, give it time and let God intervene. Give time for God to transform hearts.

With that said, in conclusion, marriage is great, but it's not ultimate. If God is not the center of your life, what you have is marriage creating more problems than it solves. Without the Lord, marriage is just bringing two self-centered human beings together, seeking self-fulfillment from one another. That's why Saint Paul says, in First Corinthians 7:29 to 31, "This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away."

It's temporary. Eternity is forever, so we should be thinking about is eternity. We should be thinking about, is spiritual family. Because spiritual family is forever. There's no marriage in heaven, but there's spiritual family is forever. And following Jesus gives us an abundance of spiritual family. I want you dear Mosaic, I want you to catch a vision of spiritual family, not just brothers and sisters. I want you to catch a vision of fathers and sons, fathers and daughters, mothers and daughters. This is something that's been missing in my life. This is something that Lord's been actually revealing to me even this week. I've always considered myself a brother, like we're brothers and sisters. And I see when I lead someone to the Lord, by God's grace, that's a child, that's a son, that's a daughter.

Drew Wayne who was here, remember Drew Wayne, who got baptized with a shirt off? Remember that guy? He's now in Texas? One of the things that he used to say, and it just hit me, the meaning of that this week. He used to say, the Papa John's jingle, "Better ingredients, better pizza," Papa John's? Wayne Tolbert, he said, "Better preaching, better access to Jesus, Papa Jan's." It just hit me, shout out Drew, who still listens to the podcast. It just hit me. My goodness, I'm a father, I'm a spiritual father. And I need to grow in that. And some of you are spiritual fathers and spiritual mothers, and you have spiritual children, now care for them. Care for them, love them, pray for them, meet with them. Send them random pictures of flowers like my dad doe to me. "Look at these flowers, they're blooming." And I always do, "Heart, I love it. Keep sending them. Thanks Dad."

So spiritual family is forever. The bible is God's proposal to us. The gospel is God's proposal to us. God fulfills every one of our desires, and then some, because God is an ultimate lover. The gospel is good news for absolutely everyone. The bible begins with a wedding ceremony, and Jesus begins his ministry at a wedding. And heaven is the greatest reception ever. And that's where God is going to ultimately fulfill all of our desires. Now, how do we have that relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, the great bridegroom sacrifices himself on the cross for us, to make us his own. Gives everything, to say "I do. I always did. And I always will." Let God satisfy the greatest desires of your heart. Amen.

Let's pray. Lord, we thank you for this time that you've given us. We thank you for the holy scriptures. God, we thank you that you don't just care about our time on Sunday, but you care about all of our life. And you want to infuse your healing power, by the power of the spirit into every single corners and crevices of our lives, and replace brokenness with healing. I pray Lord, do that, even now, as we sing. I pray this in Christ's name. Amen.