Technology Habits and the Christian Home - Family Night
May 26, 2023 • Andrey Bulanov
Average child spends 5 hours on a device per day!
Do you set any limits on how much TV kids can watch daily?
1. What is the purpose or mission of life in your home?
Ephesians 6:1-4
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
• Home is the most formative space in anyone’s life
• Your home should be a place where people are shaped into disciples of Christ and live wisely and powerfully in the world.
• When that is clear, it then becomes possible to set limits and make sacrifices.
"Screens are incredibly formative because they convey stories and images that captivate our imaginations. This doesn’t make them bad; it makes them powerful, and power can be for good or bad. But the fact is, for both us parents and our children, we will either form our screen habits or our screen habits will form us. There is no alternative. This is a fight over who forms who."
Justin Whitmel Earley, Habits of the Household
2. Healthy approaches to technology require a healthy and thoughtful approach to life.
• This takes work, there are no simple and easy solutions
• Kids will do what they see modeled and internalized in parents
• Christian community is the perfect place to be open and cultivate wisdom
3. Think intentionally about design in your home.
• Our behavior is steered by our environment, and we usually take the easiest option
• Nudge: “An intervention that gently steers individuals towards a desired action.”
• What kind of lifestyle does your home promote?
◦ Are screens everywhere and easy to access?
◦ Does the atmosphere promote time together, conversation and creativity?
4. Don't be naive about the danger and power of screens for kids and teens.
Addiction – is a real health issue in our time
• Social media and gaming software is becoming more and more capable of analyzing our activity and giving us more of what we want.
◦ this is called an algorithm
• Video games provide infinite alternate worlds to conquer with no risk
• Social media provides floods of peer feedback and affirmation
• Entertainment is getting better and better
4. Don't be naive about the danger and power of screens for kids and teens.
Exposure to harmful content
• Porn site names are created to mimic misspelled kids websites and content
• Average age for porn exposure today is between 8 and 12
• Many kids discover it from other kids
• 60% of teens report that they have received explicit text messages from other teens, 40% report to have sent it
4. Don't be naive about the danger and power of screens for kids and teens.
Powerful remolding and reshaping of kids hearts and minds
• Proven studies that link mental health issues in teens and social media use
• “Social media puts teenagers into a never-ending ‘life in the hallway’”
• The trans movement for kids and teens is fueled by social media
“My kids would never” is very naïve – you are handing them a loaded weapon
5. Cultivate a Culture of Discernment
• As hard as we may try, we won’t be able to fully protect our kids from the world
• Your home must be a space that equips those in it to engage properly with the world
• Discuss your standards, discuss the dangers – be open to being challenged by your kids
• Cultivate the family taste buds for depth and quality – if you enjoy trash you will always come back to trash
6. Rules and Limits
• Cultivate a garden of “yes’s”, a culture of delight not deprivation
• Young kids need firm rules and clear daily structure
◦ Reject the digital pacifier!
• Adults and older kids/teens need to aspire to trust and healthy habits
• Rules gradually decrease as kids age – NOT the other way around!
• No smartphones until 16, and then parents must have total access
7. Battling boredom
• "The more you entertain kids, the more bored they will get."
• Sending your kids back into boredom is GOOD FOR THEM.
• Boredom cultivates creativity and allows the brain to regenerate
8. Our House Rules
• No screens except TV period
• No screens at the table
• TV three times a week, scheduled and planned about 1.5 hrs, no surprises
• Occasional family movie nights
• Talk to kids about what to watch out for in a bad cartoon
90% of the battle is simply determining the healthy limit that screens can have in the life of the family.
What is the proper place of technology? Once this is defined, it opens the door to clarity.
Let's discuss!
What have been the biggest challenges when it comes to screens and technology in your family? What has been the best solutions you have found?
What are the pushbacks/frustrations from your kids about the rules and restrictions?
