How to Raise an Angry Child
Ephesians 6:4
How are we doing as parents, not just in terms of how we handle our kids and their obedience, but in terms of ourselves?
Ultimately, it’s the responsibility of fathers to ensure that what we find in our text does not happen. In verse 4, we read, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." So, I want both parents to heed this, but here Paul addresses fathers, most likely because earlier in Chapter 5, verses 22-23, he began to discuss how the man, the husband, the father, is the head of the home. I think he's tying back to that and addressing fathers to ensure that their homes are ordered as much as possible. We are addressed as the ones most responsible for maintaining a well-ordered home and for ensuring that children are raised in the Lord. This command in verse 4 implies that our children should not be discouraged, exasperated, or grow up with bitterness in their hearts. Instead, they should be loved, cared for, and pointed toward the Lord Jesus Christ.
I want to focus on three things to structure our time.
First, I want to look at the standard for us as fathers.
Second, We'll examine the warning itself in verse 4—the command and the warning.
Finally, I want to spend some time reflecting on ourselves, getting really practical.
TEN WAYS TO PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANGER
Inconsistency: Changing rules or discipline randomly
A Quarrelsome Home: Strife between parents
Severity in Discipline: Being too harsh or disciplining out of irritation
Favoritism: Showing preference to one child over another
Dishonesty: Saying one thing and doing another
Sinful Anger: Failing to control anger
Unreasonableness: Being too demanding or expecting too much
Criticism: Constantly finding faults without encouragement
Controlling: Giving too little freedom or too much freedom
Neglect: Ignoring or failing to listen to children
Pride: Failing to admit wrongdoing and seeking forgiveness
Scripture References (ESV)
1. Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
2. 1 Timothy 3:1-7 (Various verses on qualifications of overseers and elders)
3. Titus 1:6-9 (Similar qualifications for elders)
4. Proverbs 17:1 "Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife."
5. Proverbs 25:28 "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."
6. Proverbs 18:13 "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame."
7. Proverbs 18:17 "The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."
8. Ecclesiastes 8:11 "Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil."
9. Matthew 5:37 "Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil."
10. Psalm 15:4 "In whose eyes a vile person is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord; who swears to his own hurt and does not change."
11. Mark 10:42-45 (Jesus teaching on servant leadership)
12. Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."
13. Deuteronomy (Various references) (Warnings to Israel about provoking God)