Shepherding Adult Children

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Shepherding Adult Children

Selected Scripture

November 5, 2023 • Richard Caldwell Jr.

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Introduction:

The Bible makes clear that a parent’s responsibility to influence their children extends beyond the time of their childhood years. The fact that the people of God were taught to pass on the truth to their grandchildren, assumes an ongoing role in the families of their adult children.

ESV Deuteronomy 4:9 "Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children-- 10 how on the day that you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, the LORD said to me, 'Gather the people to me, that I may let them hear my words, so that they may learn to fear me all the days that they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children so.'

ESV Proverbs 17:6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.

Looking at it from the opposite angle, the commands of God to honor parents for a lifetime, and to care for parents in their older years, indicates that godliness means an ongoing presence and concern, and relationship, and influence, in the lives of children after they are grown.

ESV Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.

ESV Matthew 15:4 For God commanded, 'Honor your father and your mother,' and, 'Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.' (this would certainly assume children old enough to be held accountable as adults)

Job was an example of ongoing influence in the lives of his adult children.

ESV Job 1:2 There were born to him seven sons and three daughters. 3 He possessed 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 female donkeys, and very many servants, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the east. 4 His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each one on his day, and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. 5 And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, "It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts." Thus Job did continually.

Eli’s leniency with his sons, and God’s rebuke of him, testifies to ways that a father’s refusal to do what is right in his relationship with his adult children (granted, in unique circumstances in his case), is a matter for rebuke.

ESV 1 Samuel 12:12 And when you saw that Nahash the king of the Ammonites came against you, you said to me, 'No, but a king shall reign over us,' when the LORD your God was your king. 13 And now behold the king whom you have chosen, for whom you have asked; behold, the LORD has set a king over you. 14 If you will fear the LORD and serve him and obey his voice and not rebel against the commandment of the LORD, and if both you and the king who reigns over you will follow the LORD your God, it will be well. 15 But if you will not obey the voice of the LORD, but rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then the hand of the LORD will be against you and your king. 16 Now therefore stand still and see this great thing that the LORD will do before your eyes. 17 Is it not wheat harvest today? I will call upon the LORD, that he may send thunder and rain. And you shall know and see that your wickedness is great, which you have done in the sight of the LORD, in asking for yourselves a king."

ESV 1 Samuel 2:22 Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 23 And he said to them, "Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all these people. 24 No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the LORD spreading abroad. 25 If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the LORD, who can intercede for him?" But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the LORD to put them to death.

ESV 1 Samuel 2:27 And there came a man of God to Eli and said to him, "Thus says the LORD, 'Did I indeed reveal myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt subject to the house of Pharaoh? 28 Did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before me? I gave to the house of your father all my offerings by fire from the people of Israel. 29 Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?' 30 Therefore the LORD, the God of Israel, declares: 'I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me forever,' but now the LORD declares: 'Far be it from me, for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed.

The multigenerational influence seen in the family of God — in the local church — speaks to that same kind of influence in families.

ESV Titus 2:1 But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.

Love’s Rejoicing

November 17, 2024 • Richard Caldwell Jr. • 1 Corinthians 13:5

Introduction: Lost man is incurably moralistic. Even when men are immoral, they promote their immorality in the name of morality. Using just one example. When we think about the sexual revolution that our nation has seen over the past few decades —recognize that it has been done in the NAME OF MORALITY. “It is RIGHT,” they would say, “to celebrate sexual diversity, and if anyone disagrees, IT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE A BIGOT.” In fact, they are driven by irrational fear. Homophobia. Transphobia. This places the acceptance of all the various sexual sins in the category of virtue. Those who accept such things are more enlightened, more advanced, more educated, more reasonable, or just better people. It places the rightful hatred of these behaviors in the category of bigotry. THOSE WHO ACTUALLY OPPOSE GOD ARE NOW CLAIMED TO BE ON GOD’S SIDE. THOSE WHO ACTUALLY SIDE WITH GOD’S WORD ARE NOW CLAIMED TO BE AGAINST GOD. BUT IT ISN’T JUST A GENERAL MORALITY THAT IS CLAIMED FOR THESE CHOICES — IT IS THE SPECIFIC CLAIM OF LOVE. According to the moral climate of the age: To say that a person’s sexual orientation is sinful or abnormal is UNLOVING. To say that people of the same sex shouldn’t be able to marry is UNLOVING. To refuse to treat such behaviors as normal and acceptable — in the realm of a family, for example — is said to be UNLOVING. This is a tremendous crisis in our time. IT DEMONSTRATES HOW THE MEANING OF LOVE, THE MEASURE OF LOVE, AND THE IDENTIFICATION OF WHAT IS LOVELY — HAS BEEN DISTORTED. The quality of love that we consider tonight IS A GREAT REMEDY if we are willing to listen. What we see here challenges common lies and deceptions that exist in the MORAL REALM, the RELATIONAL REALM, the DOCTRINAL REALM, and the REALM OF MINISTRY. What do we see here? We will consider these two statements under THREE headings. I. LOVE’S DISCERNMENT These two statements are to be taken together. Each statement is true on its own, but when taken together we see the fulness of what is being described. What is being described is that fact that LOVE MAKES A CHOICE. Love does not exist in the gray zone of neutrality. LOVE IS NOT ACCEPTING OF EVERYTHING. On one side of the ledger, we are told what is incompatible with love. What love DOES NOT ACCORD WITH what it CANNOT COOPERATE WITH, and what it will not REJOICE IN. On the other side of the ledger, we are told what LOVE AGREES WITH — what it TAKES JOY IN. This means that LOVE MAKES DISTINCTIONS. And it makes distinctions that require discernment. A. LOVE RECOGNIZES UNRIGHTEOUSNESS For true love, godly love, there is such a thing as sin. THE WORD HERE SPEAKS OF INJUSTICE, INIQUITY, WRONGDOING, EVIL, AND UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. That is, anything that is contrary to the will of God in belief or practice. Anything contrary to God’s will, anything that would grieve the Holy Spirit, anything contrary to the Scriptures, is unrighteousness. 1. UNRIGHTEOUSNESS IN THE REALM OF PHILOSOPHY The general way that men process the world. The realm of ideas, opinions, ambitions, standards, values, pleasures, theories, morals, etc. WHAT CHARACTERIZES SIN IN THIS REALM IS THAT IT IS A TRUTH SUPRESSOR. What is true, according to Scripture, is exchanged for lies. What would make God truly known is substituted for with lies about God.

Love Is Not Resentful

November 10, 2024 • Richard Caldwell Jr. • 1 Corinthians 13:5

Introduction: We never leave the gospel behind. Our life in Christ began with faith in the gospel, but our spiritual growth continues to be reliant on faith in the gospel. Sanctification is not moving BEYOND the gospel. Sanctification is living OUT OF THE DEPTHS of the gospel. Progressive sanctification is about know the heights and the depths and the lengths and the breadths of the love of God in Christ Jesus. ESV Ephesians 3:14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-- that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. What is love? 1. It is patient. 2. It is kind. 3. It does not envy 4. It does not boast 5. It is not arrogant 6. It is not rude 7. It does not insist on its own way (it is not selfish) 8. It is not irritable Tonight, we see that LOVE IS NOT RESENTFUL. I. THE MEANING OF RESENTMENT It is literally, “does not take account of evil.” He uses logizomai (which means to account something, to reckon something) and kakos (which means evil). The NASB has “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” The NIV rendered it, “it keeps no record of wrongs.” Gordon Fee, commenting on this, said: “Since in Paul this verb often means ‘to put to one’s account’, it seems probable that the nuance suggested by the NIV moves in the right direction.” The idea, then, is that when we are walking in the love of God, in the love taught by the Spirit of God, in the love of Jesus Christ, we will not be a people who take account of the wrongs done to us. Several things we need to consider here. A. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT WRONGS We are talking about REAL EVIL. We are talking about things done to us that REALLY ARE WRONG. It would be one thing if what we were being taught is that we should let go of, forgive, IMAGINED WRONGS — if he was teaching that the love of God doesn’t carry a chip around on its shoulder over insignificant things. AND WE KNOW THAT WE CAN DO THAT. People carry around hurt feelings, grudges, that don’t even represent REALITY. There are people who are DECEIVED about their mistreatment. IN FACT, PEOPLE CAN BE SO DECEIVED ABOUT INJURIES THAT THE VICTIMIZER FEELS LIKE THE VICTIM. The one who feels like they have been wronged is IN THE WRONG. Example: There have been people fired from their job, who will tell everyone what a bad employer they had, when in truth they were a bad employee who deserved to be fired. I have personally known people who left their families, left their wife or husband, walked away from their children, and had built up in their mind that they WERE JUSTIFIED because somehow, they had been mistreated. But this verse isn’t calling us to simply clear the record of IMAGINARY HURTS. This verse tells us that the love of God doesn’t keep a record even when we have suffered REAL WRONGS. You really ARE mistreated. You really DO suffer wrong. You really ARE the victim of mistreatment. B. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT NO RECORDS He is telling us that where love is operating there is no record keeping of these real wrongs. Question: Are you a record keeper? Do you hold onto hurts? Do you hold grudges? Are you someone who says, “I can forgive, but I can’t forget” … which is just another way of saying, “I refuse to clear my record against you.”?

Love Is Not Provoked

November 3, 2024 • Richard Caldwell Jr. • 1 Corinthians 13:5

Introduction: One of the things that the late Martin Lloyd-Jones would warn about in his preaching was our tendency to read the Scriptures and miss their challenge. He talked about our tendency to assume that we have already experienced what they call for, or what they describe. So that, instead of being called to higher ground. Instead of being challenged to a real surrender of ourselves to the Lordship of Christ. Instead of recognizing our need to live and experience something only made possible by the new birth — only made possible by the indwelling Spirit — we SETTLE for what is natural. We settle for what we can produce. WE SUBSTITUTE what is OUR OWN BEST effort, instead of that which God produces. The quality of love that we consider tonight represents more than just self-control. It is more than self-mastery, self-discipline. It is an internal mildness that belongs to Christlikeness. IT IS A MILDNESS (patience and graciousness) THAT BELONGS TO A RECIPIENT OF THE LOVE AND GRACE OF GOD — A MILDNESS THAT MANIFESTS ITSELF IN HUMBLE AND PATIENT RESPONSES. It is the graciousness of love. It is the pliability that belongs to love. It is an aspect of the inner PEACE that knows the love of God. IT IS A RESPONSE THAT CAN ONLY BE FOUND WHERE PEOPLE DON’T MAKE TOO MUCH OF THEMSELVES. God’s love — true love — is not easily provoked. I. LOVE IS NOT IRRITABLE That statement is simple and straightforward, but we do well to meditate on it for a while, and honestly examine ourselves in light of it. I WOULD REMIND US THAT WHAT WE ARE REALLY EXAMINING IS WHETHER WE ARE WALKING IN LOVE. WHEN WE REMEMBER THAT LOVE IS THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT, THEN WE ARE EXAMINING WHETHER WE ARE WALKING BY THE SPIRIT. WHEN WE REMEMBER THAT WALKING BY THE SPIRIT IS A LIFE OF SUBMISSION TO THE LORDSHIP OF CHRIST, AND SUBMISSION TO THE WORD OF GOD, THEN WE ARE EXAMINING WHETHER OR NOT WE ARE MORTIFYING SIN AND HONORING JESUS AS LORD AT THE LEVEL OF OUR ATTITUDES AND RESPONSES TO PEOPLE AND CIRCUMSTANCES. The word itself means: BDAG — παροξύνω “to cause a state of inward arousal, urge on, stimulate, esp. provoke to wrath, irritate”#_ftn1 In the word is the idea of “sharpness — to sharpen.” Here it is in the passive voice, so it means to be irritated, to become provoked or indignant. It is used one other place in the NT, in Acts 17:16. ESV Acts 17:16 Now while Paul was waiting for them at Athens, his spirit was provoked within him as he saw that the city was full of idols. As always, context is king. That verse (Acts 17:16) demonstrates that this word could be used in a positive way. It was Paul’s zeal for God’s glory, and his compassion for deceived souls, that moved him when he saw Athens full of idols. INDEED, SOMETHING IS WRONG WHEN WE ARE NOT PROVOKED BY THINGS THAT SHOULD MAKE US ANGRY. So, the teaching in our verses is NOT that true love is never bothered BY ANYTHING. But in 1 Corinthians 13 it is obviously being used in a different sense. I THINK IT IS INSTRUCTIVE THAT IT FOLLOWS IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE TEACHING THAT LOVE IS NOT SELFISH. HERE, PAUL IS DESCRIBING A KIND OF PROVOCATION, ANGER, SHARPNESS, IRRITABILITY, THAT IS SELF-SEEKING, OR SELF-INTERESTED — SELF-FOCUSED. This kind of agitation, irritability, anger, sharpness, comes because I feel you are infringing upon me. Or you are not being to me (in one or another) what I expect and deserve. Whatever the cause, in this kind of sharpness I am more concerned about myself than I am you. ONE TRANSLATION HAS “IT IS NOT EASILY ANGERED.” NET 1 Corinthians 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. #_ftnref1 William Arndt et al., https://ref.ly/logosres/bdag?ref=page.p+780&off=1811&ctx=%3b+mel.%2c+p.+93%2c+699)+~to+cause+a+state+of+ (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 780.