Here it is...Friday night at 11:42 and I'm writing what was technically supposed to be published over 24 hours ago. You see, Thursdays are when we "drop new blogs"... BUT, which I know, that word negates what I just said right before it. BUT the idea was there, the artwork was there, the title was there, but the words would not come. The voice in my own head kept screaming "You have to talk to them about how they listen to the lies in their own head."
Well, inspiration arrived at my doorstep earlier tonight in the form of a text message from one of my favorite people (and Warriors) on the planet.
My Friend: "My mind is just running a million miles a minute."
Me: "What’s it saying?”
His answer was simply three specific things that he was allowing to overwhelm everything in his life. All three were coming from a deep, dark place inside of him, yet were all specific truths FOR his life. Problem is, he couldn't see the truth because the LIES were robbing it of it's VOICE. As I am writing my reply to him, I realize that I am actually writing this blog. Here is my reply to him...
>>> "And you have plenty of reasons to worry about the future. Don’t allow yourself to carry unnecessary shame and guilt because “you shouldn’t worry about the future”. Own it. Yeah, it’s scary as hell. Yeah, you have some tough situations you are going to face. Yeah, you don’t have a clue what it will bring and everything you’re working on and praying for might just fall apart.
>>> BUT, you faced fear before when you confessed your mistakes to your wife and to me. You faced everything literally falling apart because of mistakes (that you owned like a man I might add), and you dominated hard times by owning them, facing them, and even if you had to cry your way through it, you reached down and found the man deep down inside you and forced him to stand up. Here’s the coolest part...YOU SURVIVED!! You cried, cussed, prayed, wandered, cried some more, and probably a lot more crap, BUT, you also grew, matured, changed, and are now a walking example of owning your mess!"
>>> And did I mention, you SURVIVED!
>>> And do you know why you survived? Because you fought the voices that were lying to you by allowing people into the intimate places of your heart so that those trusted people could speak truth into you so that the lies were consistently overwhelmed with the truth.
You see, the voice he was listening to was telling him:
1. You shouldn't "do anything stupid"
2. You should take care of yourself.
3. You should have faith that everything is going to be okay.
All truth, right? Yes!
Yes, don't hurt or kill yourself. That's truth. But the lies the truth was wrapped in kept reminding him of every mistake he has made and how much work and uncertainty the future may hold.
Yes, he should take care of himself. That's truth. But the lies the truth was wrapped in reminded him of the possibility that he might be taken advantage of. The lies attacked his reasoning for taking care of himself. It wasn't to become better and for his own personal well being... No, the lies motivated him to enter into self preservation mode, coupled with doubt of even the closest relationships around him.
Yes, he should definitely hope and have faith that everything will turn out okay. That's truth. But the lies the truth was wrapped in told him that it wasn't going to happen, that time was running out, that "everything turning out okay" still would find him stuck between a rock and a hard place.
See the point? A little truth wrapped in the big lies that we tell ourselves will keep us paralyzed. Did you catch whose voice we're listening to? Yep, that's right. Most of the time, that voice is OUR OWN. It's our own thoughts that we give words to and give voice to, therefore, these lies take up residence in our mind and heart and become something we preach to ourselves subconsciously until the lie starts to look like truth.
For a brief moment, or maybe for a lot of moments, the lies made him forget the overarching truth that the other three truths were born out of.
Here is that truth: YOU SURVIVED!
You survived what was meant to destroy you. So no, death or harm by your own hand is not even an option.
You survived BY taking care of yourself. You let people in, you confided, confessed, cried, asked forgiveness, gave forgiveness, etc. The only reason you're still here is because you took the steps to care for you! So no, you being taken advantage of is not enough of a reason to not care for yourself.
You survived BECAUSE you had faith that it would turn it okay. And it was only "okay" when you accepted responsibility for yourself and your actions and you dreamed of a day where your own growth created avenues that led to how things are currently turning out. That put the mistakes in their rightful place, and taught you lessons that have changed you from an almost 30 year old little boy to a real man (I can personally attest to that fact),
We must overwhelm the poison of the lies with more truth. Own the current reality. And give a VOICE to the truth.
- Yes, you royally messed up. Own it.
- Yes, to some, you probably deserve your life to fall apart. Ok...I'll give ya that.
- Yes, you have every reason to fear the unknown. Cause it's freaking scary.
HOWEVER
HOWEVER
(While the word BUT negates what you just said, the word HOWEVER brings the first reality into the second reality.)
HOWEVER!!!!
- Because you can own your mess, because you understand that there are repercussions to mistakes, yet there is also forgiveness and grace between people, because you can admit when it's terrifying...BECAUSE YOU HAVE A HISTORY THAT PROVES YOU CAN SURVIVE IT! Even if you have to live through more hell, even if you have to face more repercussions, even if you have to look fear in the face every single day. YOU CAN SURVIVE IT AGAIN. HOW? Because of the VOICE you listen to.
Cause voices can shift mindsets. Voices have power. Voices connect realities. Reality is, when your voice was weak, mine was strong. And one day, like in the history of our friendship already, when MY voice was weak, YOURS was strong. And because of that, and everyone else you have around you, and what I know you have in you, the lies that are borrowing your voice must be met with the overwhelming voice that speaks TRUTH.
- Truth that reminds you of the growth you yourself acknowledge.
- Truth that reminds you that you're loved no matter what.
- Truth that reminds you that you're not alone, no matter how much you feel you deserve to be alone.
- Truth that reminds you that you're a phenomenal mommy or daddy.
- Truth that reminds you that you're loved no matter what.
- Truth that reminds you that you can heal.
- Truth that reminds you that you have experience that others will need one day.
- Truth that reminds you that you're loved no matter what.
Wait! Am I repeating myself? Maybe it's because its now 12:57 on Saturday morning. Maybe it's because that simple truth just bares repeating. So, did you hear it. You, yes YOU, my friend, my brother, my confidant, you are loved no matter what.
So yeah, if you're reading this and made it this far down, and you are listening to the lies...begin dissecting them, ask yourself where they are coming from, what's the truth you can grab on to in it, and what lies am I just believing because I feel as if I deserve what's coming to me.
Write them down! And out beside the lies, begin telling that lie the truth. For example...
MISTAKE:
- You cheated on your spouse.
A FEW TRUTHS ABOUT THAT MISTAKE:
- I need to confess.
- I need to get marriage counseling.
- I made a bad decision.
- I may have an addiction.
- I did not use self control.
SOME COMMON LIES YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF:
- I can't confess.
- I can't forgive myself, much less, someone else forgive me.
- Counseling will kill my career.
- The counselor will just make me out to be the bad guy.
- I'm a screw up (lack of a much more fitting term).
- I can't quit looking at porn.
- I am a horrible person.
THE TRUTH ON THE FLIP-SIDE OF THOSE LIES:
- You can confess, it will be hurtful and it will suck, but confession is ownership and confessing always wins.
- Confession is the first step to rebuilding broken trust. Confession and ownership is the INVITATION for forgiveness...both for yourself and for the other person.
- So what if it does impact my career...I CAN NOT allow MYSELF to sacrifice MYSELF on the altar of my career. Nothing is more important than my mental, relational, spiritual, and emotional health. Plus, truth is, it’s not going to effect it anyway.
- If a counselor ever makes you feel like the bad guy, find a new counselor, cause that person is dangerous.
- You may have screwed up...even a lot. That's an action...not an identity.
- It's going to be a tough road, but there is someone around you waiting to lovingly help you put to death destructive patterns that cause you to give yourself to questionable actions.
- Again, because it bares repeating, you may have made a horrible mistake, or series of mistakes, BUT you are not identified by that mistake. (Now, name what you ARE identified as...husband, wife, daddy, mommy, friend, Warrior, son, daughter, overcomer...you get the idea.)
Bottom line, give TRUTH a VOICE!
And the best way to start giving truth a voice is to do the bravest thing I believe you can do (just like my friend did) and let someone around you help you find that VOICE.
So...Hey Warrior! I’m proud of you!
Voices
Hey Warrior | The Blog
January 14, 2021 • Trey McGuire
The Fork in the Road
October 14, 2021 • Trey McGuire, TruthBeTold Blog
When the relationship began, all seemed well…even promising… Now that the relationship has progressed, all seems…let's just say confusing…even painful… What happened over the years spanning then and now… You hear the words of "then" loud and clear. You even remember the actions… Praise, promises, and gratitude all woven together in a delicate mixture of quality time, gifts, and whatever else your love language may be. Now, you’re sitting here afraid to even face the chance that this relationship might be…let’s just say…toxic. Reality is, over the years, you’ve probably pushed aside others who love you. You've probably fought to the death to defend your “person.” You've even angrily rejected the well meaning person (or people) who lovingly tried to help you open your eyes. You see, the goodness in your heart has allowed the boss, best friend, family member, spouse, child, co-worker, or whatever other relationship to work their way into your life and trap you in their slick yet sticky web of self-centeredness. Truth be told, part of you still doesn’t want to see the latter part of that previous statement…and now, the echo of their more recent words and actions are not allowing you to see the reality of the beginning part of that same statement. You've given of yourself. You've given your time. You've given your money. You've given your talents. You've http://given...quite http://frankly...you. And what do you want in return? Nothing. Literally. Except for the fact that there is this underlying desire to simply be treated as if you were a human being. Yep. You're deep in a relationship with a narcissist. But, you're also standing at a fork in the road. One road leads to more heartache and eventual bitterness, depression, anger, and isolation. The other leads http://to...dare I say it...freedom. You know which road you need to take, but man, it's still, for some reason, really hard to make the decision. What happens when I do start walk down the road that leads to freedom? Well, let me give you some realities... 1. You're going to feel as if you're a baby giraffe trying to learn to http://walk...but even if you fall a few times, slowly but surely you will begin to find your footing. 2. You're going to be ripped apart publicly. If the narcissist can no longer control you, they will try to control how everyone else sees you. Maintain integrity, and remember the goodness in your heart, and let your integrity win. Cause, it will. 3. You're going to feel alone, but even if your journey to relational thriving means you have to apologize to some of those above mention folks who tried to help you along the way, you will find yourself more relationally secure than you ever knew possible. 4. You're going dream again, even though you've been told that your dreams are not worth anything. Give yourself permission to dream. 5. You're going to feel guilty...because the insecurity of the past years has left you feeling as if you can't survive apart from your abuser. 6. You're going to need to get help, specifically because you're going to need to learn to love yourself again and learn what it looks like to be loved and love others. 7. You're going to be http://okay...and in all honesty, you're going to THRIVE! I used a very powerful word in number 5. Abuser. And I used it on purpose. Why? Because what has happened to you is nothing short of abuse. And the relationship you are in is one sided and abusive. It is you giving everything to someone who is only focused in taking. http://but...which I know, the word "but" negates what I just said. http://but...true healing, true freedom comes with this reality in mind. You CAN NOT fight against them, no matter how tempting it is. No matter how bad they try to make you look. No matter how embarrassed you are. No matter how mad you become. That is a battle you can not win because you will find yourself fighting a person that does not care. You want justification. You want vindication. And you deserve it. http://but...you will only find it by taking one step down the road, followed by another, and by http://another...and allowing every single step to position you closer to that thing you are fighting FOR. You can fight all day long AGAINST them, or you can fight all day long FOR something. You may not know what that something is, but I can tell you from experience that it is there. My something that I fight for now is my family and each and every Warrior we come in contact with. In hindsight, my love for those two areas was in my heart while I found myself embroiled in this type of relationship. As I began to step, guess what happened...I found myself experiencing what true love and acceptance was in the form of my wife and closest friends. And I found myself around folks who believed in my crazy http://dreams...folks who I didn't even know. And guess what, those folks today are people I credit with helping me today experience what it means to fight FOR something. So, parting http://wisdom...don't fight them, walk. And as you http://walk...walk away. It won't be tomorrow, but I promise you that you will hold your head up one day, sooner than you think. And you'll look around and see a world you've always been looking for... -Trey
Someone Like You...
September 29, 2021 • Trey McGuire
“UNLESS SOMEONE LIKE YOU CARES A WHOLE AWFUL LOT, NOTHING IS GOING TO GET BETTER. IT’S NOT." -THE LORAX Look in the mirror. What do you see? Many times, the person looking back is not necessarily someone we like. http://but...what if... What if that person, in all of their messiness, was someone that simply cared? What would this world look like? What would culture look like? More than that... What would THEIR world look like? What would the culture around them look like? You and me both know what it's like to get or send a text with the words "How are you doing?" We know the response that comes naturally..."I'm fine." Right? That is the typical exchange. And we also know that that answer is, for the most part, a lie. http://but....what if..... What if both the sender and the receiver found enough safety in the context of the relationship at hand to go beyond the "I'm fine." + What if we could be seen? + What if we could be honest? + What if we understood that our honesty can help others? + What if we saw how our authenticity pushes us further than we could ever imagine. + What if we felt the security to really let people in? Many times, we don't feel or experience any of the above "what ifs" because we've never seen it modeled. We can not begin to grasp the fact that... 1. We CAN face our storms. 2. We CAN own our reality. 3. We CAN share our stories. Yes, you're probably thinking that those are far reaching realities for everyone else out there except for me. I've thought it too. We all have. But what if... ______________ One of our friends, Phil Myers, posted about his own journey as he presses forward through his battles with depression, bipolar, and PTSD. This is what he recently wrote on his socials... "You would never know anymore unless I told you, but I’m crashing again. Yes I pushed but not “too much.” I pushed harder than ever this time and found another limit. So I backed off, just like you would in the gym, and I’m giving myself time. Time to rest and grow stronger. It’s exhausting, self imposed ups and downs with http://depression...it sucks. But it’s better than just staying stuck and down all the time. But I’m learning and growing each time. Maybe one day I’ll actually push or grow enough to beat it. Something a small part of me feels is possible even though the doc’s says it’s not. But heck, you all know I’m a little hard headed, so I’m going to keep going. Just keep going, It does gets better little by little. I truly feel if I can learn to make these changes within me. I can not only show and teach others how to do it too, but show the world a path to start healing as well.” - Philly _____________ You see, he has dealt with the thought of suicide on multiple occasions. He has faced the doctor telling him he has bipolar and PTSD. He has struggled with relentless depression. He has also faced the WHAT IF question... + What if this doesn't have to win. + What if there is purpose for me? + What if the pain can help me grow? + What if I can help change the world? For him, he had every reason to give up. He had every reason to quit. He had every reason to end it all. He had every reason imaginable to allow his story to be silenced. http://but...he didn't. He looked in the http://mirror...and even though he saw a lot of things he didn't like, he saw something deep down, almost seemingly microscopic. He saw that someone like him was actually what someone like me http://needed...and he didn't even know me yet. We met a while back as he joined our advisory team, as he was trying to figure out what to do with himself now that he was transitioning out of the military. We became friends quickly. One day, a conversation alot like the one I started with happened. Somewhere in there, I think both of us actually gave up on the facade that we were fine. Right then and there, we were both met with empathy and compassion, understanding and challenge. We found that, and still do, in our friendship. Now, as he treks off on the final half of his Appalachian Trail hike, he continues to press forward. Using his truth, using his story, using his vulnerability. And, like all of us, the truth of his story is still being written. So let me ask http://you...where are you? Someone needs someone like you. Someone like you needs someone. As the Lorax so profoundly stated...“UNLESS SOMEONE LIKE YOU CARES A WHOLE AWFUL LOT, NOTHING IS GOING TO GET BETTER. IT’S NOT." What if getting better begins with a simple "How are you?" that is followed by a simple "I'm not okay" It doesn't take much http://effort...just some genuine care and a little time, and a choice to believe that still small voice that whispers truth in your ear... This is how we silence the lies that scream so loudly. This is how we give truth a voice. What if it takes someone like you? What if...
Read Any Good Billboards Lately?
September 1, 2021 • Brianna Cooley
Have you ever stopped and read your to go cup at a fast food restaurant? I’ve missed fast food this year and the closest place to my house is a chicken chain with really awesome ice. I know ice is a crazy reason to go to a restaurant, but… its really awesome ice. I was eating my chicken a few months ago and saw a fun quote on my Zaxby’s cup, “Half full? Or half empty?... problem solved! Just refill” I didn’t really think anything of it until I saw a cool billboard this weekend. Our town in peppered with positive billboards and one really struck me, “Cultivate Optimism” I always thought the answer to the question, Half Full or Half Empty? was half full… optimism! I’m a positive person. The answer is supposed to be half full. Right?!? But what if the cup is half empty? Does it really matter? I have recently been reminded of the quote on my cup. When you begin to think of you glass as half empty, just refill your glass! So, next time you feel a little empty, cultivate a little http://optimism....within your community, within yourself. Showing kindness cultivates optimism. By sharing kindness with others, you are helping to fill someone’s glass. The best part is by filling others up, we ultimately refill our own glass as well. Now, a little homework assignment: + Eat chicken. + Read cups. + Pay attention to cool billboard. + Spread kindness and cultivate optimism.