How many of you have ever heard a sermon on In-laws? I have to admit, apart from this study, I don’t remember preaching one or ever hearing one. Yet, it can be one of the leading causes of difficulty in marriage.

AND, there is a reason preachers don’t talk about it. You see, this is one of the topics where angels fear to tread.

In fact, I had seriously considered skipping this sermon, but after I mentioned it a couple of weeks ago, I received so many emails from men telling me how they were praying for the Lord to speak through this sermon. So many men saying, they would personally invite their in-laws to church this Sunday, I figured we might be on the verge of a great move of the Lord, so here we are.

In this room today, we have:

Parents who are having a difficult time with a son or daughter and their spouse.

We have couples who are having a difficult time with the in-laws.

And the temptation will be for you to hear this sermon FOR YOUR INLAWS. In fact, some of you are already looking up their Facebook profile, so you can tag them properly in the comments. DON’T DO THAT

There are also several families like mine whose kids are not yet married. So, most of what I will say today will be for our future selves. What will I wish I had learned in 10 years when, potentially, all three of my kids are married? Even now, I can sense all three are saving links to this sermon for future reference.

THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT TOPIC:

Influence on Divorce Rates:

A UK study identified "family strains," including in-law conflicts, as a contributing factor in 18% of divorces.

Wikipedia

Gender Differences in In-Law Relationships:

Research by psychologist Terri Orbuch revealed that when husbands have a close relationship with their wives' parents, the couple's risk of divorce decreases by 20%. Conversely, when wives are close to their husbands' parents, the risk of divorce increases by 20%. Divorce Lawyers in PA+1Deseret News+1

Do you think the enemy might see this as an opportunity?

Frequency and Nature of Conflicts:

A survey found that the average American argues with their in-laws once a month, with 16% reporting more frequent disputes. The most common dispute is over politics (31%)

Thankfully my father-in-law and I voted the same. That wasn’t the case, at least at one point with one of Julie’s sisters. Barry Bearden and I both agreed that Hillary Clinton was a threat to America in 2008. In fact, that was one of the only things we agreed on.

You see, dealing with In-laws is one of those areas that is hard for everyone, but it is extremely difficult for Christians. Jesus warned in Luke 12:

52 For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. 53 They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

In other words, if a person is committed to following Jesus Christ, it will shape everything. It will shape his or her worldview; it will shape how they parent, how they vote, and how they celebrate holidays.

If any two families don’t share those perspectives to the same degree, they MUST live and let live… but when they are bound together in an extended family - all of those things become points of conflict, and they tend to escalate over time.

SIMULTANEOUSLY: The Christian ideal is one where two young people are raised in Christian homes with a Christian worldview - they meet, fall in love, get married - LEAVE FATHER AND MOTHER, and form a new family unity. However, because the new family unit is so similar in culture to the old, there is a natural friendship that exists revolving around shared traditions and shared values, they worship the same God, they battle the same enemy, and they view one another as a part of a larger tribe.

For this to happen - there must be clear and healthy boundaries that are set be the NEW FAMILY UNIT and honored by the INLAWS.

When the boundaries are violated - it is best when the child of the respective parent addresses the issue with honor and kindness. If the son or daughter lacks the courage to do so, things tend to escalate.

As the In-laws grow older, the next generation steps in to care for them.

1 Timothy 5:3–4 (ESV)

3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.

In Jesus' day, the Pharisees were looking for ways to appear to be generous without it affecting their lifestyles too much… They took the money they had sat aside to care for their parents and gave it to the Temple. Jesus said, “Doing this is a dishonor to your parents.”

You see, when the Bible commands us to honor father and mother, the word honor means to physically and financially bless them.

NOW, that is the IDEAL we are to strive for. Reality often falls short.