•God has created us for oneness - three levels:
•1) God, 2) Spouse, 3) Others (family, community, church)
•It's easier to love God than people - He doesn't stink, say the wrong thing, etc.
•Without God - 1+1=2. With God - 1+1+1=1. The Holy Spirit is the bonding agent.
•John 17:20-24 - “Father make them one as we are one.” They are Three.
•Cookie dough - individual ingredients mixed together make a new substance.
•The Holy Spirit is the eggs (bonding), the world is the mixing bowl (battle).
•Battle - God puts us in the context of battle so we’ll gel together - Gladiator: “As One!”
•Oneness means intimacy - “in-to-me-see” - fully known and fully accepted.
•** ACCEPTANCE is the key to oneness. LOVE is the key to acceptance.**
•ECC 4:9-10 - Dixie Stampede - when you’re one, you exert less effort but get more result.
•** THREE things you need to experience oneness (intimacy):
•1) CLOSENESS (Ecc 4:11) - God made us to be close - body heat (Cold Bed!)
•The result of Closeness is Comfort. But it often takes time. Two aspects:
•a)Two cold people (both hurting).
•b) One cold & one warm (one hurting and the other healthy) - the healthy needs to be patient.
•Temporary pain always leads to permanent gain.
•How do we stay close? Two aspects:
•ECC 4:12a - know you need each other (you’re in a battle) - the devil seeks to distract, deceive, divide.
•ECC 4:12b - invite a third person into the mix - God!
•*** Picture of Intimacy - Song of Solomon - a picture of marriage:
•SoS 1:2-4 - Kissing can’t happen unless you are willing to get close! (the girl chased him!!!)
•SoS 1:6 - Intimacy reveals our insecurities - vulnerability often makes people want to HIDE!
•Acceptance is the answer. Two facets to acceptance:
•a) Be accepting - Revelation 3:20 is our example.
•b) Be acceptable - if can change it, do it. But if not, accept yourself as God created you.
*** Don't accept the things you can change, and accept the things you can't.
•note - she was insecure about the thing her husband loved (vs 8-10 & 15 prove it).
•2) CONCENTRATION (Sos 4:1-16) - proactively think positive thoughts about others.
•When dating we think of what’s Right w/our spouse, but in marriage we think of what’s Wrong.
•This is why we have to take thoughts captive.
•Positive thinking about a person bonds you to that person. (where your treasure is....)
•In marriage, Concentration leads to Captivation - SoS shows us a captivated man.
*** When you are captivated, the things you used to criticize become cute.
•3) COMPLETENESS (1 Cor 13:4-7) - before oneness you need twoness.
•Two complete individuals - spiritually mature - LOVE is the mark of maturity.
•The characteristics of love in 1 Cor show up in the fruit of the Spirit Paul lists in Galatians 5:22-23.
•KEY - Love releases the power of the Spirit in our relationships - love for God and for others.
•Conflict - it is easy to love someone when nothing is wrong.
•Two things always manifest when conflict takes place:
•1) the issue itself
•2) the ability of the person to handle the issue.
** If #1 is good #2 will take care of itself.
** Two types of people:
•** those who welcome feedback and are willing to own their problem.
•** those who don’t welcome feedback and will not own their problem.
•Conflict is resolved and Closeness maintained when:
•a) ACCEPT - both parties willingly accept their part
•b) LOVE - both parties operate in LOVE.
Song of Solomon 1:2-4
Oneness & Intimacy
September 3, 2017 • Benham Brothers
Song of Solomon 1-2 (8/29/19)
August 29, 2019 • Benham Brothers
* SOS 1:2-6 - Intimacy reveals insecurity. * The closer our wives get to us the more our junk is shown. * It could cause you to withdraw from your spouse and toward your work/ministry/friends. * SOS 1:7-17 - Solomon was captivated by her, so he assured her of her beauty. * Concentration leads to captivation. (Appreciation is the key to attraction) * SOS 2:2 - His captivation led to the right comparison. * “Compared to my church, YOU are a lily among the thorns.” * This made her feel prioritized, so look how she responds: * SOS 2:3 - she drew close and took a bite! * And he tasted good. * Question - what do you taste like? Are you nourishing your wife more than your church? * SOS 2:4-6 - his prioritizing her led to intimacy. * SOS 2:7 - don’t leave this place of intimacy. * Unmarried people - don’t wake it up too soon. * Married people - stay in this place of intimacy. * Those outside our marriage - don’t try to wake up our spouse. * SOS 2:8-9 - he was always looking for a way to be with her!!! * His pursuit kept her wanting to be with him. * SOS 2:16 - THREE THINGS WE HAVE TO COMMUNICATE TO OUR SPOUSE (Matthew 3:17 NIV): * 1) You’re Mine * 2) I love you * 3) I like you * God wants to say this to you through your spouse. God wants to say this to your spouse through you!
Song of Solomon 1:6 (2/14/24)
February 14, 2024 • Benham Brothers • Song of Songs 1:1–6
* We are meant for intimacy - with God and others. * Intimacy is to be fully known and fully accepted. * When you have people in your life who know you fully and 100% accept you then you can grow and mature as a human being. * Without that, all growth stops. * Intimacy is built on vulnerability. * Letting people into your life is hard, but important. * Problem - intimacy often reveals insecurity. * Song of Solomon is a book about intimacy. * It’s a physical picture of intimacy in marriage. * It points to the intimacy we can have with God. * Here in chapter one, we see the woman wanting intimacy w/her betrothed. * vs 1 - “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” * She’s really enjoying the idea of intimacy (we’re made for it). * Then she shifts from intimacy to insecurity. * She stops thinking about him and them to thinking about herself. * Intimacy is a matter of focus. * If you focus on the other person and how they accept you, you can be intimate. * If you focus on your “issue,” you cannot be intimate. * vs 6 - “Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun…” * She didn’t like her dark skin. * Somewhere along the way she started comparing herself to other women who didn’t have dark skin and she thought they were prettier than her. * When you're insecure you think everyone sees what they don’t like about you rather than what they do like. * As a result, you will want to withhold certain information about yourself. * But when you do that you cannot be truly intimate, which hinders your growth as a human! * Until you deal with your insecurity it's going to negatively affect your intimacy. * Here's an interesting point - the very thing the woman was insecure about was what her man loved! * vs 9-10 - “I liken you, my darling, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariot horses. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.” * He liked everything about her! * On this foundation, there are three responses to insecurity within intimacy: * 1) Be accepting of your spouse. * A "no matter what" mentality is the only thing that will draw people close together. * Revelation 3:20 shows us how Christ accepts us just as we are. * The more you fully accept another the more you’re able to receive their acceptance. * 2) Receive acceptance from your spouse. * The more you focus on your spouse the more you can receive their love. * Do not focus on what you don’t like about yourself. * However, if there’s an issue you can control, do it! * 3) Be acceptable to your spouse. * If there are things you're insecure about and you can change them, then change them. * A nagging or complaining spouse is very unattractive. * So if you're insecure about your spouse not being attracted to you then try being nice for a change. * But if you’re insecure about something you can't change, accept it. * When you do you are accepting God, the One who made you like that. * And this will lead to intimacy with Him! * Intimacy is built on acceptance. * This is true in every relationship, including our relationships with God, spouse, and friends. * Some insecurities may never go away, but those are the very things God uses to draw you close to your spouse. * When your spouse loves you unconditionally it’s like a magnet!!
Song of Solomon 2:2-3 (8/29/19)
August 29, 2019 • Benham Brothers
* When you get married your spouse is your new standard of beauty. * You’re “type” is your spouse. * This puts you in the right comparison mindset. * “You’re a lily compared to a thorns” - that’s how Solomon saw his bride compared to other women. * Captivation was the secret to Solomon’s comparison - he was captivated by his bride (SoS 1:7-17). * Notice the difference in what his wife compared him to. * vs 3 - he was like an apple, suite to the taste. * A lily has outer beauty, but an apple has inner beauty. * He was attracted to her outward beauty and she his inner beauty. * She compared him to an apple tree among other regular trees. * You don’t taste other trees - only an apple tree. * Solomon was like, “You look good.” She was like, “You taste good.”