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Lessons From Song of Solomon

Song of Solomon 1-2 (8/29/19)

August 29, 2019 • Benham Brothers

* SOS 1:2-6 - Intimacy reveals insecurity.   * The closer our wives get to us the more our junk is shown.   * It could cause you to withdraw from your spouse and toward your work/ministry/friends. * SOS 1:7-17 - Solomon was captivated by her, so he assured her of her beauty.   * Concentration leads to captivation. (Appreciation is the key to attraction)  * SOS 2:2 - His captivation led to the right comparison.   * “Compared to my church, YOU are a lily among the thorns.”   * This made her feel prioritized, so look how she responds:   * SOS 2:3 - she drew close and took a bite!   * And he tasted good.   * Question - what do you taste like? Are you nourishing your wife more than your church?   * SOS 2:4-6 - his prioritizing her led to intimacy.   * SOS 2:7 - don’t leave this place of intimacy.   * Unmarried people - don’t wake it up too soon.   * Married people - stay in this place of intimacy.   * Those outside our marriage - don’t try to wake up our spouse.   * SOS 2:8-9 - he was always looking for a way to be with her!!!  * His pursuit kept her wanting to be with him. * SOS 2:16 -  THREE THINGS WE HAVE TO COMMUNICATE TO OUR SPOUSE (Matthew 3:17 NIV):   * 1) You’re Mine * 2) I love you * 3) I like you * God wants to say this to you through your spouse. God wants to say this to your spouse through you!

Song of Solomon 1:2-4

September 3, 2017 • Benham Brothers

•God has created us for oneness - three levels: •1) God, 2) Spouse, 3) Others (family, community, church) •It's easier to love God than people - He doesn't stink, say the wrong thing, etc. •Without God - 1+1=2. With God - 1+1+1=1. The Holy Spirit is the bonding agent. •John 17:20-24 - “Father make them one as we are one.” They are Three. •Cookie dough - individual ingredients mixed together make a new substance. •The Holy Spirit is the eggs (bonding), the world is the mixing bowl (battle). •Battle - God puts us in the context of battle so we’ll gel together - Gladiator: “As One!” •Oneness means intimacy - “in-to-me-see” - fully known and fully accepted. •** ACCEPTANCE is the key to oneness. LOVE is the key to acceptance.** •ECC 4:9-10 - Dixie Stampede - when you’re one, you exert less effort but get more result. •** THREE things you need to experience oneness (intimacy): •1) CLOSENESS (Ecc 4:11) - God made us to be close - body heat (Cold Bed!) •The result of Closeness is Comfort. But it often takes time. Two aspects: •a)Two cold people (both hurting). •b) One cold & one warm (one hurting and the other healthy) - the healthy needs to be patient. •Temporary pain always leads to permanent gain. •How do we stay close? Two aspects: •ECC 4:12a - know you need each other (you’re in a battle) - the devil seeks to distract, deceive, divide. •ECC 4:12b - invite a third person into the mix - God! •*** Picture of Intimacy - Song of Solomon - a picture of marriage: •SoS 1:2-4 - Kissing can’t happen unless you are willing to get close! (the girl chased him!!!) •SoS 1:6 - Intimacy reveals our insecurities - vulnerability often makes people want to HIDE! •Acceptance is the answer. Two facets to acceptance: •a) Be accepting - Revelation 3:20 is our example. •b) Be acceptable - if can change it, do it. But if not, accept yourself as God created you. *** Don't accept the things you can change, and accept the things you can't. •note - she was insecure about the thing her husband loved (vs 8-10 & 15 prove it). •2) CONCENTRATION (Sos 4:1-16) - proactively think positive thoughts about others. •When dating we think of what’s Right w/our spouse, but in marriage we think of what’s Wrong. •This is why we have to take thoughts captive. •Positive thinking about a person bonds you to that person. (where your treasure is....) •In marriage, Concentration leads to Captivation - SoS shows us a captivated man. *** When you are captivated, the things you used to criticize become cute. •3) COMPLETENESS (1 Cor 13:4-7) - before oneness you need twoness. •Two complete individuals - spiritually mature - LOVE is the mark of maturity. •The characteristics of love in 1 Cor show up in the fruit of the Spirit Paul lists in Galatians 5:22-23. •KEY - Love releases the power of the Spirit in our relationships - love for God and for others. •Conflict - it is easy to love someone when nothing is wrong. •Two things always manifest when conflict takes place: •1) the issue itself •2) the ability of the person to handle the issue. ** If #1 is good #2 will take care of itself. ** Two types of people: •** those who welcome feedback and are willing to own their problem. •** those who don’t welcome feedback and will not own their problem. •Conflict is resolved and Closeness maintained when: •a) ACCEPT - both parties willingly accept their part •b) LOVE - both parties operate in LOVE.

Song of Solomon 1:6 (2/14/24)

February 14, 2024 • Benham Brothers • Song of Songs 1:1–6

* We are meant for intimacy - with God and others.    * Intimacy is to be fully known and fully accepted.   * When you have people in your life who know you fully and 100% accept you then you can grow and mature as a human being.    * Without that, all growth stops.  * Intimacy is built on vulnerability.    * Letting people into your life is hard, but important.    * Problem - intimacy often reveals insecurity.   * Song of Solomon is a book about intimacy.    * It’s a physical picture of intimacy in marriage.    * It points to the intimacy we can have with God. * Here in chapter one, we see the woman wanting intimacy w/her betrothed.  * vs 1 - “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.”   * She’s really enjoying the idea of intimacy (we’re made for it).    * Then she shifts from intimacy to insecurity.    * She stops thinking about him and them to thinking about herself.    * Intimacy is a matter of focus.      * If you focus on the other person and how they accept you, you can be intimate.      * If you focus on your “issue,” you cannot be intimate.  * vs 6 - “Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun…”    * She didn’t like her dark skin.    * Somewhere along the way she started comparing herself to other women who didn’t have dark skin and she thought they were prettier than her.     * When you're insecure you think everyone sees what they don’t like about you rather than what they do like.    * As a result, you will want to withhold certain information about yourself.      * But when you do that you cannot be truly intimate, which hinders your growth as a human!    * Until you deal with your insecurity it's going to negatively affect your intimacy.   * Here's an interesting point - the very thing the woman was insecure about was what her man loved!   * vs 9-10 - “I liken you, my darling, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariot horses. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.”   * He liked everything about her!   * On this foundation, there are three responses to insecurity within intimacy:   * 1) Be accepting of your spouse.   * A "no matter what" mentality is the only thing that will draw people close together.     * Revelation 3:20 shows us how Christ accepts us just as we are.     * The more you fully accept another the more you’re able to receive their acceptance.  * 2) Receive acceptance from your spouse.    * The more you focus on your spouse the more you can receive their love.    * Do not focus on what you don’t like about yourself.    * However, if there’s an issue you can control, do it! * 3) Be acceptable to your spouse.    * If there are things you're insecure about and you can change them, then change them.       * A nagging or complaining spouse is very unattractive.      * So if you're insecure about your spouse not being attracted to you then try being nice for a change.    * But if you’re insecure about something you can't change, accept it.      * When you do you are accepting God, the One who made you like that.      * And this will lead to intimacy with Him!   * Intimacy is built on acceptance.     * This is true in every relationship, including our relationships with God, spouse, and friends.    * Some insecurities may never go away, but those are the very things God uses to draw you close to your spouse.    * When your spouse loves you unconditionally it’s like a magnet!!  

Song of Solomon 2:2-3 (8/29/19)

August 29, 2019 • Benham Brothers

* When you get married your spouse is your new standard of beauty. * You’re “type” is your spouse. * This puts you in the right comparison mindset. * “You’re a lily compared to a thorns” - that’s how Solomon saw his bride compared to other women. * Captivation was the secret to Solomon’s comparison - he was captivated by his bride (SoS 1:7-17). * Notice the difference in what his wife compared him to. * vs 3 - he was like an apple, suite to the taste. * A lily has outer beauty, but an apple has inner beauty. * He was attracted to her outward beauty and she his inner beauty. * She compared him to an apple tree among other regular trees. * You don’t taste other trees - only an apple tree. * Solomon was like, “You look good.” She was like, “You taste good.”

Song of Sol 2:4-7 (9/11/14)

September 11, 2014 • Benham Brothers

2:4 - The banner over this woman was that she was the one Solomon loved - just like John was the one Jesus loved. Imagine all the royalty presenting themselves at a banquet and Solomon is sititng on the throne - they're walking in under their banner, then in walks his girl and there's a banner over her that says, "Solomon's Queen." Crazy! 2:7, 3:5, 8:4 - Don't arouse or awaken love! It can be applied in four ways: 1) To unmarried people - keep your heart until God brings the perfect someone for you. You are not to give your heart away until it's time (fire in the fireplace). 2) To married people - the phrase is written in context of intimacy. The woman is saying "don't wake him up" to the maidens - "let him stay right here" in the position of intimacy. This is a picture of the Church with Christ - coveting His presence and intimacy. Doing whatever necessary to keep Him close to us. 3) To anyone - this was spoken from the woman to the maidens - "don't try to wake him up and get his attention off me." For women - don't try to get the attention of a man who's not yours. For men - stay there with the woman God gave you and don't be looking at any others. 4) Love in general - if it can be aroused then it can fall asleep. Keep it awake and fully alive!

Song of Solomon 2:9 (9/3/15)

September 3, 2015 • Benham Brothers

SoS was written by Solomon for his bride, but points to Christ and His church. Proverbs 5:19 - men are to always be captivated by their wives. SoS 4:1-9 - this shows us how to be captivated. This verse shows a husband watching her expectently, waiting for when they can be together. Get the picture - he's absolutely captivated by her. He was captivated because he was focused on thinking good thoughts about her. If we're not captivated by her, we need to focus on her. Revelations 2:5-6 - the steps to winning back your first love: 1) Consider how far you've fallen. 2) Repent. 3) Do the things you did at first! Don't wait on an emotion - where your treasure is there your heart will be - treasure in a relationship is measured by TIME!

Song of Solomon 4:1-16 (8/30/18)

August 30, 2018 • Benham Brothers

* Proverbs 5:19 tells men not to let themselves be captivated by an adulteress. * Captivated means we come under someone’s control. * Captivation is a good thing for a man so long as his captor is his wife. * Song of Solomon 4 shows us a man who’s completely captivated by his wife. * How? * By checking her out! He inspected every square inch of her body and soul and he liked it! * Then he told her what he liked about her - not just about her external beauty but inward as well. * vs 1-6 - He mentions her body, eyes, hair, teeth, lips, mouth, temples, neck, and breasts. * vs 7-15 - He mentions her inward beauty and what it does to him. * A key to captivation is verbalizing what we feel for our spouse - it will draw us close to them and cause them to open up to us. * vs 12 - exclusivity - Love is compassion with standards. The standards (boundaries) are what give us exclusivity. Apart from exclusivity there is no intimacy. Apart from intimacy there is no relationship. * vs 16 - Men were made to pursue. Women were made to respond. * Proper pursuit involves three steps: * 1) Focus on the positive in your spouse. Both outside and inside. * 2) Allow it to attract you to him/her. Appreciation is key to attraction. * 3) Verbalize what you feel. This draws you and your spouse together. Verbalizing your emotions is like a magnet to the soul. * When a man pursues like this she will respond, and it will be rewarding. * SoS 7:1-9 shows how this is done.

Song of Solomon 5 (9/27/15)

September 27, 2015 • Benham Brothers

(vs 4:16 - 6:3) David wrote his songs (Psalms), and Solomon wrote his (SoS). It's allegorical about his relationship with his wife, and is how Christ and His Church (bride) relate to each other. The setting is a marriage relationship riveted with physical affection. If you read with the wrong eyes it arouses the wrong thing in you. * INTIMACY - Physical and Spiritual (personal & corporate). The purpose of sex is intimacy (to be fully known and fully accepted) - the product is LIFE! SoS is broken up into several acts, like a play. Vs 5:1 - The end of the third act of SoS - Christ and His bride had experienced intimacy. * The beginning of the Fourth Act - going back to when their love was first born. She has a dream: Vs 5:2 - Her husband had come to the door and gently entreated her - He was pursuing her. Vs 5:3 - She 1) wasn't ready and 2) unwilling to surrender to Him. Vs 5:4 - He was longing for her. She was "moved" when she realized he was pursuing her. Vs 5:5 - She was finally ready to respond to His pursuit. Everything inside of her was now ready for Him - she put her perfume on. Vs 5:6 - Christ had departed. She waited too long. The words of Isaiah 55:6 are so true - "Seek Me while I may be found." * Christ doesn't accept half-hearted commitment. She then went looking for Him - she now was pursuing Him. Vs 5:7 - Well intentioned spiritual leaders with ill delivered methods. They misjudged her and left her exposed. Vs 5:8 - She couldn't trust the watchmen, so she makes an announcement to everyone - "I want Jesus!" Vs 5:9 - They respond - "How is He different than any other god?" Vs 5:10-16 - She responds - "Let me tell you about my Jesus!" * He was a TENDER WARRIOR, like the two-sides of King David - a lover and a fighter. He was both Truth & Love! Vs 6:1 - They respond - "If He's all that, then we want Him too!" Vs 6:2 - She finally found Him - He had gone down from His palace to His garden, in the 1) quiet and 2) secret place. * If she wanted to find Him, she had to be alone. Vs 6:3 - The two came back together again and were now in a position of intimacy once again. They were each other's - He was hers and she was His. ** UGLY - SoS 7 - she was a pot-bellied girl with a long neck, beady eyes, and a massive shnoz. She didn't walk places, she waddled. She was an ugly duckling, but He dug her in a crazy passionate way because she was His girl! This is where the church needs to be today, but it starts with each one of us going through these steps above personally with Jesus.

Song of Solomon 7:10-12 (9/24/21)

September 23, 2021 • Benham Brothers • Song of Songs 7:10–12

* True fulfillment is directly tied to your core relationships. * You can have all the fame and fortune in the world, but if your key relationships aren’t in tact, you’re not fulfilled. * God made us this way on purpose. * Our core relationships - God, Spouse, Family … * Relationships are all about CONNECTION. * The question is, how do you stay connected? * One word - PRIORITY! * Ephesians 5:33 - men, love your wife … women, respect your husbands. * What are you going after? That shows your priority. * You prioritize that in which you pursue. * The “Pursue - Response” cycle. * SoS 7:10 - she knew she was his priority. * What was her response? * Vs 11-12 - Intimacy! * Intimacy is to be fully know and fully accepted. * When you have relationships laced with intimacy you will feel fulfilled!